When a man says this, what does it mean

[Bananasandnutella]

A man you've kind of been casually seeing for months says he has feelings and is falling for you. Says he needs to reduce his contact with you as he doesn't want a relationship at this stage of his life. Before we met he was in an EA relationship and hasn't had a successful relationship before.

It means he doesn't want an exclusive relationship with you at this stage of his life but is quite happy to put you in the "fuck buddy" category if you're agreeable, and no more.

You need to decide what it is that you want because you know what is it that he doesn't

I think it's the 'it's not you, it's me' speech and you're being let go gently....

he wants to see less of you
he is not interested in having any ties with you

Yep, only interested in the sex part. But I would avoid even that if I were you, because he sounds like the sort to make that complicated and mess with your head!

"I don't want a relationship with you but I want to keep you sweet in case I feel like shagging you again in the future. Don't call me, I'll call you."

Says he needs to reduce his contact with you

Does it matter why?

Consider if it suits YOU or not. Act accordingly. Forget him and his reasons. Think about YOU!

It means it's time to write him off and get the next one.

If a man wants to be with you he will be with you.

it means he's a dickhead.

All of the above.

He's a dickhead that likes you enough for an occasional lay but not enough to commit to.

Thing is he isn't saying about meeting up...so it's not about the sex. We are still talking and texting in a friendship way...

Onwards and upwards OP.

I don't know, but one thing I do know is that you need to take his statement that he wants to see less of you and isn't ready for a relationship on face value. It doesn't matter whether he's dumping you gently, scared of commitment, or trying to get you to declare yourself; you could drive yourself mad trying to second guess.

Either he's telling you the truth or he lacks the emotional intelligence to state how he really feels and ask directly for what he wants. In which case, your course of action is clear - back off.

Hope you aren't too upset by it.

I'm upset as it's being going on since last summer. My friend said I should just be straight with him and back off full stop and that if he really wanted me it would make him decide...

i would move on personally. you'll get hurt in this scenario.

It means what he says. We men don't do subtexts.

It could be that the strength of his feelings for you mean that he doesn't want to let you go completely.

Much more likely is that he's happy to maintain a text friendship at the moment because it eases any guilt he may feel about being a dickhead and it doesn't require much effort from him. As soon as the guilt wears off, or he meets someone new, you won't hear from him.

Nearly a year long realtionship and he says that?

You must be hurting quite a lot. I would chat to him. Sounds like he is looking for a get out

doesn't mind fucking you, doesn't want anything else. since you clearly mind, or you wouldn't have given it any thought, you should do yourself the courtesy of cutting yourself loose.

Sounds to me like brushing you off but trying to do so kindly.

Or telling you not to get your hopes up in a move to ensure you are so willing to keep seeing him you'll accept what little he gives?

He's hedging his bets and keeping you sweet in case he changes his mind. This way he gets to dump you and have you paint him as a romantic hard done to victim of circumstances.

Tell him you care enough about him to reduce his contact to zero.

I'm not sure he's letting you down easily - he could as well be completely honest here. To me, it sounds like you have a commitment-phobe. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, he just isn't in a place to have a relationship (i.e. the idea fills him with terror).

You could persist in the situation and probably break down some boundaries, but I honestly don't think it's worth it. A guy of his age with relationship issues of that magnitude is going to be pretty exhausting.

It's saying he does not want an ordinary, committed relationship. It doesn't actually matter why (assuming you want to be a girlfriend not a therapist). So unless you are fully up for exactly what he describes (lukewarm relationship largely on his terms), this is not for you.

Now, you may be OK with that. It's not compulsory to want any one particular type of relationship. But if what you want is different to why he's offering, then you need to think about whether you call it a day now, or spend more of your life trying to pretend he's something he's not.