Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

too soon to be in love?

29 replies

mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 22:40

Have been with my guy 6 weeks apart from hardly getting to spend anytime together everything is fab. Hes just my type look wise, funny, caring and most importantly i feel really comfortable round him. Since day 1 ive felt this very strong attraction towards him and i know its easy to confuse lust with love and i am usually very cautious due to past experiences.

The last couple weeks after ending phone calls hes been saying "love ya" not in a serious way but in a soppy teenager sort of way iyswim, I am quite weary of throwing "I love you" around willy nilly but last night I did say it back to him and he seemed over the moon and said that he really does love me and he knows it sounds silly after such a short time etc, so we ended up pouting our heart out to each other was on the phone until 2am, went to bed with butterfiles and nearly in tears because i was all alone..... I know i sound a right sad act.

Anyway woke up thinking wtf feel like ive let my guard down by sharing my feelings. Last guy i felt like this about hurt me so bad by messing with my head and cheating and basically been a general arse to me. I hate to compare but they are very similar in looks and personality etc. Jus the things he says to me ive heard before off the other guy, it was a long time ago and its in the past now but still haunts me, ive not had much luck with men full stop. I feel guilty though imagine if he found out i was comparing him to some arse like that.

Just wish i could be all relaxed and care free and just take every day as it comes instead of my stupid worries

OP posts:
UncrushedParsley · 27/04/2014 22:45

People will say it's a Red Flag. I think I would keep my wits about me, enjoy it and see what happens! Having been married twice, and now an Old Bird, I tread carefully. I have a DP, who I love. But I am not so invested that I would be unable to function if it went wrong one day.

Ouchouchouchetyouch · 27/04/2014 22:47

You've spent barely any time together. I hate to be blunt, but you're in love with the idea of him rather than him. Please please do not rush into anything.

MrsBungle · 27/04/2014 22:48

I don't think it's too soon. Dh and I fell in love within a couple of weeks. Engaged within 12 weeks snd married within a year. Still going strong 10 years later. I think if you're mature with experience behind you, you know the difference between lust and love.

TheNewSchmoo · 27/04/2014 22:49

Define "barely any time together"

Lozislovely · 27/04/2014 22:52

Go with your instinct. I've been dating for a few weeks, am quite cynical based on previous relationships, but I'm in awe and going to enjoy it Grin

DontCareAboutYourShoes · 27/04/2014 22:54

I remember your other thread. You barely see the man. You only know the version of him you've met those few times. Of course you've heard the things he says off other guys. He's just bleating what you want to hear at this point still just like they were.

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 22:59

mrsBungle Thats a lovely story :)

We have spent about 2 nights a week together in the 6 weeks and then will call in for a coffee on his way home from work a few times per week. Saw alot of each other over Easter as both was off work and weve also met up quite a few times just to do simple things like taking the dogs for a walk etc know it sounds really sad. We would see lot more of each other but i have 4 dcs and work pt, he works long hours and has his dcs weekends ao its trying to juggle when we are child free.

Course im fully aware if we did spend more time together we may easilly be sick of each other and see an other side to each other. Im trying my best not to rush anything although i would love to be in a serious relationship im not in a rush to have him (or anyone) moving in got to put the children first.

Can i just ask which bit you though may be a red flag?

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 23:04

I know its in the early stages and we are both still trying to impress each other i know things can easilly turn. I cant turn round to him and say im finishing it because your trying to be too nice though can i Grin

OP posts:
Dirtybadger · 27/04/2014 23:10

It sounds like you spend a lot (too much?) of time together to me. I am a bit solitary but after 6 weeks I'd probably still be on once (max twice) a week. It's a red flag for me. Or, at least, someone would be grossly incompatible for me to be saying I love you, after 6 weeks. Maybe it works out for some but keep your eyes peeled.

Locketjuice · 27/04/2014 23:17

From the day I met dp we have spent everyday/night together. Both worked full time so wasn't together 24/7 but I wouldn't have had it any other way, nearly 4 years on and 2dcs, and he said he loved me after 2 weeks I waited about 4 but did love him after 1/2 weeks BlushSmile

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 23:21

Too much time? Feels like hardly see each other tbh even when he stays over on a Tuesday and friday night hes either to gt up at 4am to get to work (5am start Shock) or to go collect his kids. All the other times see him its only for an hour here or there.

Locketjuice - another lovely story :)

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 27/04/2014 23:24

Whether you say those words or not you feel how you feel and things will either go well or not. With any relationship you need to keep your radar switched on. You may feel so comfortable with him because you have found the one or he may turn out to be an abusive arsehole or you might end up just not being compatible. Time will tell.

For such a rich language English really lacks for synonyms/alternatives for the word love. It's expected to fulfil a lot of roles.

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 23:31

Very true Billy, Im a very keen believer of actions speak louder than words so i guess time will tell, just wish i could just enjoy things more without worrying

OP posts:
Dirtybadger · 27/04/2014 23:36

Sorry I read your post to mean he stays over twice a week, plus comes for coffee a few days a week and then once every week or two you take the dogs out. Which means you see each other most days. I do acknowledge that this is possibly a normal and healthy thing but for me would be too much. What that suggests it that, if it doesn't bother you too much (not clear?) you shouldn't worry you aren't seeing one another enough.

Like Locket illustrates, these sorts of relationships do work for plenty of people.

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 23:42

its ok, its nice to read everyones views :)

OP posts:
Nocomet · 27/04/2014 23:42

I was engaged in six weeks!
He's still cluttering up the place with geek 25 years later.

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 27/04/2014 23:46

Nocomet - oh wow another lovely story :) Maybe this realationship will be the right 1 for me at last

OP posts:
Appletini · 28/04/2014 03:10

I think it depends on how the rest of the relationship is. DH and I said it after one month. And are now very happily married.

LastOneDancing · 28/04/2014 03:56

Personally a man pushing the 'love' issue would put me off, but it took now DH and I over 6 months to say it so we're at the opposite end of the scale!

That said, if you're enjoying the first flush of a new relationship and you want to say it I wouldn't over think it - it sounds like you're being sensible and listening to your instincts that it could be too good to be true.

At the end if the day, it's only words - it's not like he's moving in Smile

jasminemai · 28/04/2014 06:01

We were engaged a couple of weeks after 6 weeks. If you want it to last and be full of passion then of course its not too soon.

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 28/04/2014 10:01

Thank you, it really is nice to hear peoples stories. Im deffinately no push over theese days so i will be following my instincts every step of the way. Feeling a bit more up certain of things today :)

OP posts:
PollyIndia · 28/04/2014 10:45

My mum and dad got engaged 6 weeks after meeting apparently and they've been together 41 years. Me on the other hand, I take ages to decide if I am into someone and would be happiest seeing my boyfriend twice a week but never living together! Not sure how I ended up so commitment phobic!!

Original poster
mummyOF4darlings · 28/04/2014 18:18

PollyIndia - i was like t hat ith my kids dad was with him months before i started to feel any love there and think he was same. Think once i got hurt 3 times in a row it put me off commiting to anyone but i am hoping to be 4th time lucky :)

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 28/04/2014 18:27

OK, nobody actually knows whether this man is potentially a good longterm partner. Not even you, not even him, yet. However, that's no reason not to enjoy yourself with him. Just keep your eyes open. Don't move in together or get married. Don't get pregnant by him.

And make sure you're not so desperate for a relationship that you gloss over any serious faults in the man eg violence, misogyny, alcoholism, meannness, criminal tendencies, whatever.

Have fun and see what happens. THat's all anyone can do, really.

gering · 28/04/2014 18:39

If I was him I would have had a Red Flag moment. If he looks the same and acts the same as your ex will you are definitely going to messed around and cheated on. I don't trust people with small tashes under their noses like Hitler had for obvious reasons. Six weeks, you hardly see him and you are in love Grin Some people crack me up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread