Arguing with partner

[Gaige]

Me and my partner have been together over 9 years and we have a 6 year old DS.

For the last year or so we've been arguing quite alot. Mostly about how to raise DS and about money.

I work 30hpw and my wages pay for almost everything. Partner doesn't work and is in receipt of disability allowance and pays the phone bill . I'm fed up with him hiding money and telling me we can't afford to do things then spends a fortune on ebay (latest was over £250 on SAMURI ARMOUR of all things ) When I questioned him about it he flipped his lid at me and told me "it's my fucking money and I will do what I want with it" well thats great we've barely any food in the house and he's wasted money that could've been used elsewhere! All I want is a bit of help with the food shopping or bills and he refuses.

He can also be verbally abusive to me in front of DS calling me a miserable bitch or tells DS to ignore me because I'm just being a cow.

In regards to DS, partner pretty much lets him have run of the house when I'm at work. He very rarely gets up to makes him breakfast preferring to leave cereal on the side and a small jug of milk in the fridge for DS to sort himself or leaves him sweets and crisps out. I've tried moving the crisps and sweets out of DS's reach but once I'm at work partner gives him them back! I've also come home on Saturday/Sunday after work to find partner is still in bed or gone back to bed leaving DS unsupervised. Partner then wonders why I get so angry with him.

Things are getting so bad recently that I'm considering leaving him and moving back up north. I can't cope with the rows and the insults any more.

To be honest, if I were you I'd leave.

I'd my reply all ready ... then saw your last paragraph. He sounds a real 'prize'. What exactly does he do to make you happy? I'd kick him into touch. Are you married? Do you rent, or jointly own the house? Leaving him sounds a good idea. Do you have family support, maybe up north?

I would make plans to separate from this awful sounding individual asap.

What is the situation re the property: are you on the mortgage/is it rented?.

You and this man anyway would be far better off apart. This relationship is over to all intents and purposes.

Get rid of this cocklodger

Me too. For your sake and that of your son.

I would too

We rent. It's a joint tenancy agreement. The majority of my family are up north. We've split up before and he threatened to drag me through the courts to have DS taken from me.

I just don't know how to tell him

He would not have DS "taken from you", what a crock of shit

he doesn't even bother with him when he is in sole charge of him

This lazy fuck needs a reality check.

Would he be able to stop me taking DS back up north?

No he wouldn't. Just take him and go. Everything else can be sorted out after. Be honest do you really think the man would fight you tooth and nail? Nah, the man likes his sleep far too much

In your situation, i would give notice on the tenancy and then just go

I feel awful as DS dotes on his dad but he's left me no other option really.

Get your bags packed and leave with your son NOW

Nope, he leaves you no other option

This a seriously shit environment to raise a child

Your son is 6 OP, he's a baby still really and will adapt wonderfully if surrounded by people who love him. What's the alternative? Your son gets older and really see's what goes on? Now that would really f him up wouldn't it?

Would you leave your child in the house alone while you work? In effect that is what you are doing now :( you can't leave a bairn unsupervised like that it's not fair.

Time to leave or you may find a preventable accident while you're at work means you lose your kid.

And he hasn't a hope in hell in getting your kid off you. Don't fall for that old chestnut.

No, can't see him getting his hands on your son - he's a druggie. Just go - sort out the legal stuff later.

Leave Then Never Go Back.

Yes, his money - fine then he can use it to spend on what he wants but YOU are no longer going to feed him, etc etc .

When you live with someone you are supposed to be a time and it should be all joint money, joint decisions, joint happiness and love.

None of that happening in your house .

For the sake of your son and future DIL I would kick the fucker out.

He doesn't want custody of your child. HE JUST WANTS TO BULLY AND CONTROL YOU.

He sounds absolutely awful.

You have to leave.

The main issue is he is neglecting your son. That's horrendous. He is also financially abusing you. All money should be joint money, and all household bills paid between you both. At the very least you should both have equal spending money. Remember that and hold on to it for future relationships. I had a first husband much like yours re the money side of things.

You and your son deserve better.

All of the above and meantime, stop doing anything for him!

So sorry that you are in this situation and so sorry that you have been ground down so that you have put up with it for so long.

I hope you get away as soon as you can, what kind of example is he setting for your son?

Be careful though and don't make it obvious you are leaving until you are able to go. I worry that if things kick off it won't be very pleasant. Stay safe.

Thank you for your advice. You've all confirmed what I've thought for a long time.

I've not said anything to him yet. I need to make a list of what I need to sort out such as school, work and most importantly a roof over our heads.

Tomorrow I'm going to see my mum after I've finished work and speak to her about everything.

Don't tell him anything till you have gone. Just remember to take important stuff with you. Good luck. You can always go back with someone to pick up the rest.

And stop cooking and washing or doing anything for him. He has plenty of time to do it himself.