Husband left. Had new woman two weeks later. Struggling with the pain. Do these rebound relationships last?

[MirandaIV]

My husband left me on Jan 18th after months of moodiness and meanness interspersed with still making love regularly and being loving and affectionate right up til the day he left after lucking a big fight with me over nothing when we were out to dinner.
He spent the first two weeks saying he was coming back after some time to get his head together and sent me voice messages begging me to take him back. (I said only if he agreed to counselling).
After two weeks everything changed and he went hard and cold. He lied for another six weeks about the other woman, but I found out from his phone bill. The first calls and texts to her started on Feb 3rd.
I asked three times about whether there was anyone else and he lied to my face and promised to tell me if there was one. He also let me snuggle up on his knee and beg him to give me another chance whilst I was crying my eyes out and all the time he was seeing her. In addition until I found out, he said he might still come back for me after six months or so, but that I wasn't to wait for him as it wasn't fair.
The problem is that I am so upset and angry that I can't move on. I cry every day and although I am trying so hard to get on with my life, I am obsessed with him and his mistress. I know nothing about her and it is torture as I feel it would help me if she was unattractive as I wouldn't feel such thrown away trash.
I meet people every day and go for walks and play tennis and go running etc. I've even been on dates and joined social dining groups, but I am so lonely when I'm not doing anything. My children all left home this year too and so I am totally alone for the first time for years and I'm fifty!
I just can't ear that I'm still suffering so much and he is so happy and 'in love' (he kindly told me that). He is also being absolutely vile to me about divorce stuff and has changed his phone number and email so the only way I can contact him is via his horrible mother who apparently says she's going to report me to the police for sending emails via her. (I am talking about a few emails relating to finances and him picking up his tools which he has left at my house).
Please tell me this gets better and that I will meet a man again that I can trust one day and won't be alone for ever. He was the love of my life and I was supposed to be his. We were together six years but only married for two and a half (anniversary soon).
Looking back he had loads of red flags, ie he was deserted by his mother as a child, had no friends, no hobbies, deserted his own child and was an intensive romantic, wooing me off my feet within weeks as he has clearly done with this woman. But knowing why doesn't help my pain.
Also please tell me his new relationship will end in disaster and he will end up alone and miserable!

MrsC1969HJ. No, I haven't got a thread. Should do, but I think I'd be on it all year just telling the story. I did loads of research on Narcissism and it was like the light bulb moment - years of wondering why, and suddenly it all fell into place. Yes, I had the OW (one of them) telling me how sorry she felt for me, whilst at the same time sending me graphic details of their sex life……….. (I'd only given birth a few months before.)

Miranda and MrsC1969HJ
The key thing with them (the narcissistic men) is that they lack empathy and insight. So, it doesn't matter what you are going through emotionally, they just don't care. You can write them the most eloquent letter expressing your love and devastation at what has happened, and they'll discard it like a pizza leaflet. They're only interested in a sort of 'false love' on their terms - so rescuing a new woman fits the bill, until she becomes needy, and so on and so on. Your only option is to cut off all contact, as they are so destructive and time consuming. And they always come back for more.

Pinkballoon..you really should, you are clearly very knowledgeable.would you mind looking up my thread, I only have one, and reading the first post..your opinion would be interesting! I am SO sorry you had to go through that...how bloody awful especially having had a baby, I can't even begin to imagine how that was. Hugs from me. The pain of these situation are so awful...yet I had my H telling me I would "never understand" the depth of pain he suffers "every day" for being without his son (that he walked out on)...in fact he said "you have no idea, it's hell" and "I've paid for leaving, don't you worry about that sat in five bedroomed detached house, getting allowance from OW, driving round in dead husband's car...absolutely unbelievable.

Re : Your message to Miranda...you are so right, they don't have empathy and they don't care. I wrote to my H recently telling him that DS had started asking, at 3 years old, why I didn't love his daddy anymore (totally out of the blue and not from me!). He just came back with "so can I see him tomorrow"..absolutely fucking shocking. I was speechless. False love is absolutely the right description!

MrsC1969HJ - Have posted on your thread!

Miranda...how are you doing, you've not posted in a while.

Quick post - relationships with narcissists/personality-disordered often have an addictive quality to them re the narc weaves an impossibly gorgeous web around you and you become addicted to them/their fantasy. Excruciatingly painful when it is cut off, especially suddenly, especially replacing you with someone else. You have my sympathy (((hug)))

It is hard to see it as pure hot air - but perhaps a consolation of sorts that he is blowing hot air all over someone else and she, too, is probably well on the road to becoming addicted to him. It's what narcs do

There are a few strands to focus on - 1. craving the physical closeness you had, which is understandable. It's not the same but perhaps book some massages to help with the withdrawal of physical touch. 2. empty nest - bleurgh, I'm there too, it's a killer but you have to plough on, making social engagements until your nest doesn't feel quite so empty. And of course, the big one, 3. being betrayed and losing what was to you your dear partner. and then 4. the excruciating pain of being replaced by someone else (it's all fake though, if that's any consolation?)

You're clearly made of strong stuff. Keep ploughing on, lovely: this too shall pass xxx

Springy...fab post as usual...nailed it :-) x