Anyone not speak to family?

[Celestria]

Has anyone cut off their entire immediate family?

[Zazzles007]

Yep, cut off my sister about 15 years ago now, as she back-stabbed and betrayed me while I was out of the country, told lies about me and turned 2 cousins against me. She tried to apologise once, and followed up the apology with "But I won't fix the relationship between you and [the 2 cousins]." I knew then that the apology was just lip service and not to expect much from here.There was never any love or even friendship between us, and it was sibling rivalry as bad as you will ever see it.

Recently, one of those cousins tried to 'friend' me online - I ignored her completely.

More recently, I cut off my parents 2 years ago. I have realised that there is a strong tendency towards narcissism in the women on my mother's side of the family. I can see narcissistic behaviours in my maternal grandmother, mother, sister, and the 2 cousins mentioned above. They are truly awful to be around and complete emotional vampires, who deliberately created emotional distress in me to feed off. I am so much better off without them.

On my father's side of the family there is more mental illness, the paternal grandmother being bipolar, which resulted in my father developing schizoid personality disorder. He is like a ghost, drifting in and out of life, doesn't talk to anyone, and doesn't have/develope relationships with people. Not having these people in my life in my life means that it is so much more peaceful, and I can concentrate on my own issues, rather than whatever drama they have thrown at me.

[captainmummy]

Fontella - mine was the same, no particular abuse, but nothing in common with my family. Father earned my disgust by having an affair with a girl 3 years older than my sister, and then blaming me for his losing his job over it. Haven't spoken to him since. Sister is a total narc, selfish, immature, judgemental, lives in a fantasy world of her own, - while totally jealous of anyone who has made a better job of it. Big bust up there, so I haven't talked to her in 5 years or so, even if she is in the same room. I live 200 miles away so it's fine. Brother - he lives even further away, and is never in touch, even with mum. No bust up, just total apathy.

It is sad, but as fontella says, if these people weren't born into your family, they would not be freinds. I wouldn't even talk to them in the pub, so why bother with them in my life?

good luck OP

[DeckSwabber]

If you are cut off from some family and not others, how do you manage the other relationships? How do you avoid awkward family events where the people you don't want to see are present?

[biscuitfreak]

I've just noticed on the threads about being NC I've never seen anyone who is NC with their dcs. There are plenty of women on MN with adult children. I sometimes wonder if my mum is on here.

[Celestria]

I can be civil deck swabber. For the record I haven't cut off my children from contact with family, I have made sure both parents can contact my exh to see the kids. I have no doubt that I need to do this as I can't accept or forgive this time and I am not prepared to live with how they have made me feel anymore.

[Needadvice5]

Yes, I haven't spoken to my dad's side of the family for nearly 20years and they live very local.

A big family feud that has never resolved, the only time when it has been awkward was when my nan was really ill and came to the A+E department where I am a nurse. I refused to go near her and the whole family spent 4 hours glaring at me!

[MistressDeeCee]

At the moment my sis is moving home. My eldest DD is round there now helping out. Although I don't talk to sis I don't get involved in relationship between her & my DCs thats all fine. DCs are aware we don't talk, and I don't encourage them to take sides. As long as I don't have to see my sis Im fine with that but I wouldn't prevent DCs being in contact with their aunt.

[Juno321]

I cut off my mum and her side of the family (so also my maternal grandparents, aunt and uncle, cousins, great aunts and uncles and also mums friends who we were once close with.

The reason being is that my mum chose to leave when I was a teenager, she had an affair with the next door neighbour and left one day (with him) when I was at school. She had been planning it for months. She wouldn't tell us where she was living or any other details but wanted contact with us and to meet us and various places.

To me though that is not the way you have a relationship with a parent, meeting up with them in public places because you don't even know where they live..she was also a narcissist and everything was always about her.

I had a very privileged upbringing in the sense we had everything we wanted materially and amazing holidays several times a year, but support wise she was never there for me. She called me horrible names and made out I was an awful child when really I never caused any problems and wouldn't have dared to be cheeky to my parents growing up! I was a good kid.

That was 8 years ago and now I have a child of my own I won't deny it's been hard at times. She's never met my DD, none of my mums family have. I miss having a mum but I certainly don't miss her. It's sad it has come to this but it is what it is.

[captainmummy]

My dad has never seen my dc - his first grandchildren. And with my sisters dc - he met her eldest, but not the others for a long time. He used to send money for eldest's birthday, but not the others as he'd 'not met them'! He's never send so much as a card to mine. As I said, his loss.

Deckswabber - I have been in the same kitchen as my sister, and totally ignored her. She would make cutting remarks 'to the rest of the table' and I'd ignore. No, I'm not civil. Why should I be? I talk to her dh, and her dc, and Mum, but not her.

[NigellasDealer]

yeh i have blanked my dbro for about ten years now since he made a point of treating me and the kids like shit at his horrible society wedding

[withextradinosaurs]

Pretty much. My dad and I make an effort, we had some hard times in the past but are kind of "in recovery" at the moment. I don't talk to my sister, and I wouldn't piss on my brother if he were on fire.

[AllDirections]

Yes, I've had no contact for years... but I still watch my back

[DeckSwabber]

Do any of you tell other family that you are NC? Eg if you are invited to a family do, would you have a conversation with the host to find out if the others are invited?

[Smilesandpiles]

"if you are invited to a family do, would you have a conversation with the host to find out if the others are invited?"

No. I don't attend family dos so that's another whole issue that doesn't need to be delt with, besides, they couldn't contact me even if I was invited...none of them know where I am.

[captainmummy]

I don't have a huge family (mums family live abroad) and dads family all keep to themselves. The only family 'do's' would be immediate family. So no.

[Tenrec]

Yes. I had twice a year contact with my mother and grandparents from the age of 10 (in FC) and stopped that the minute I could ask and be listened to.