sooo angry

[unhappy1]

hi have posted on here before but havent had much response. well things are desperate and i would like some one to chat to, to find out if im beig ureasonable or my dh is. its all about sex really, he has v.high drive and i dont. we are not talking or taking chunks out of eachother today as he feels i dont give him enough time sexually. i feel under pressure as he always is on about it even when im ill. he is talking about ending it all because we dont have enough sex, were talking 8-10 times a month. i also have health probs and when i say im not well, all i get is 'bang goes sex tonight then'. can anyone feedback on this please as im confused and upset.

I'm here unhappy1, are you ok?

Unhappy1 - Still on my threads to watch, so anytime you need me, just post!

hello all! well things are plodding along, as usual. we have been without a car for a while, but bought one today! and surprise surprise hes gone out for a drive. oh and made a call to the usual number today. well ive had loads going on and would be on all night and havent got that long.

well he is on his way home, so im going! will be on when i can

glad to hear from you unhappy1 - hope everything is quiet on the western front, as they say!

Sorry I'm late on tonight, just got back from work!

will post again tomorrow night after my karate session, about 8.50pm if you can't get on the computer, e-mail me anytime if feel you need to talk [email protected]

Butting in rather late here....

Look, he's putting pressure on you that you don't need. Thats true. But, he's not evil for wanting to have sex with you. The same way you arent terrible for not wanting sex with him.

You clearly have lots of issues to work through together, but, for as long as your positions remain as polarised as they currently are, you wont get anywhere.

It's not unusual for women (and sometimes men) to go off sex. But, that said, if you love him and feel that the relationship is worth saving, you are partly responsible for trying to make this work. That means finding out why you don't enjoy sex, and working out how to combat it. I think you will find that if he see's you making an effort to fix things, he will be more likely to be accommodating to the things that you want.

Otherwise you may as well flush it all down the pan.

hi just snapped 5 mins, hes popped out! its not the fact of him wanting sex, its the guilt part that pees me off! i/we are having sex more now but hes still a grumpy git! he has a go at the kids over little things, then we row! thanks sleepysooz, i will e-mail you when i get a chance but the prob is that he reads my e-mail as we share it...........i will try and work out how to get another so he cant find it.

oh and i DO make an effort! but i still get accused of doing it for other reasons............ i even got in touch with relate, and he blew that out by making up reasons for not going!

you could sign up for a free hotmail or yahoo account.would you get a chance to use the computers at your local library or a cybercafe?that way he would hava no chance of reading anything you didnt wanthim to.

unhappy1 - are you on mn atm

hi ev1 how are you all? well hes gone out so ive got some space at last! is any one on here yet?

Unhappy1

I'm so utterly sympathetic. This is a horrible position to be in.
Sex - or lack of - has destroyed my dp and I.
Last night - I kid you not - my dear loving dp said that I should sometimes have sex AGAINST MY WILL if he really wants it because 'we all have to do things we don't like sometimes'. He said 'I don't like cleaning the kitchen but I still do it sometimes.'
The sad thing is people will still say we should stay together for the sake of our ds!!!!!
Brilliant.

oh, mandeley! what a bum putting it nicely! i could say a few more choice words but not on here! i actually think that is worse than saying 'dont you love me?' or 'what about me?'. the thing is its not the sex anymore, its just all the rest of it. the moods, temper, lies and the dissapearing out at the last minute after foning a bloody offy! there i think thats got it off my chest for a while anyway! i would so love to confront him but i know he would blow his top and turn it so i would be a parranoid pysico. how long have you been together?

U1
I messed up. I got pregnant 9 weeks into a new relationship and we decided together to keep the baby and give it a go.
He was so rubbish at the birth and months after...so many things...screaming rows throughout his paternity leave cos he wanted his family who I'd met once to visit the new baby whenever they liked for 8 hours at a time even tho I was BEGGING for space after a horrid birth...appalling handling of our money leading to bounced mortgage payments even tho I went back to work when ds was 6 months old and furiously juggled both roles...no emotional support whatsoever...blah blah
I simply never wanted to have sex with him again after the birth. It's as simple as that.
Sometimes we end up with the wrong man, I think.

One thing I know (it's taken me 2.5 years) is that I don't have to stay with this man forever just because we've had a child. Life will go on. Yes, I'd rather be a happy family but we are not going to be.
I think not wanting to have sex with your partner for YEARS is a fairly good sign that said partner is not destiny's dream man.
I think you don't have to put up with moods, temper, lies, bullying etc....I know it's easy to say but Christ a bad man just sucks the joy out of your existence.
I've gone on and I'm sorry. I just wanted to offer my support. People will persuade you that you should stay, go to Relate, make it work etc etc but remember that you can always get out and that doesn't make you a negligent bitch or a failure as a mother.
Wishing you lots and lots of luck. M xxx

thank you manderley! i really apreiciate the support and wise words, i hope we can keep in touch, unfortunately i dont get space v.often...........dh too nosy. will be on for a tiny while, but coaching dd1 for 11plus thats on saturday.

hello ev1, sorry its been a long time. Ive changed my name as it was getting close to dh finding out! well we have moved due to the last house being sold, and now are going to be homeless in 15 days due to the land lord being repossessed! things arent much better, but i did confront dh about calls and outings, and he said it was the bloke whos wife and kids was killed! dont quite believe him, but so much has happened in 9 months that i havent got the energy! we have lost 4 people since september, and now two houses. well hope you all are ok, and i will try and keep in touch.