What Was Your Worst Date Ever?

[LuluJakey1]

I have a number that would qualify for this but I'll start with this one. When I was about 20- a few years ago now(!) - I was asked out by a bloke on my course at Uni. He lived at home and was very old fashioned and I felt sorry for him so always included him when we were going for coffee between lectures etc. Anyway, I was horrified when he asked me but not quick enough to say no or make an excuse. He was delighted, in a 20yrs going on 75yrs kind of way. We arranged to meet outside a cinema in Newcastle- called The Tyneside; art deco, cool films , my sort of thing. When I arrived it was pouring an he was standing outside on grey crimpelene trousers, a red and grey striped tie, a white shirt and a grey V necked buttoned up cardigan like my grandad wore, topped off by a short tight blue kagool with the hood up. He was short and chubby and had a terrible hair cut and wore old fashioned glasses. I saw him from across the road ad contemplated just going home but felt guilty. I thought I would go for a drink or 2 and then leave. I went across and he said we were going to one of his favourite places- not the cinema bar as I had hoped- and wouldn't tell me where. We walked in the pouring rain, me in a blue velvet jacket and jeans, to Eldon Square shopping centre and ended up at the the indoor bowling green where there were about 50 men in their 70s playin carpet bowls. I was stunned into silence. The 'bar' sold soft drinks and we had to sit on white plastic picnic type chairs around the bowling green. He told he often went there and then spent an hour providing a non- stop, mind-numbing running commentary on the games. He didn't seem to notice I wasn't listening. I was desperately trying to think of an excuse to leave. In the end I said, pathetically, that I had to be back at the hall of residence by 9 because my mum was ringing because my grandma was ill. I walked back in the downpour and the blue dye ran out of my velvet jacket and dyed my white shirt. I was wet through. My friends in the hall all thought I was mad for going in the first place but laughed themselves silly when they saw me.
He asked me out at least once a week for the next term. I had split up with my boyfriend and we got back together and this bloke still kept asking me out. One night me and boyfriend were at a party and this bloke turned up. Boyfriend went to loo and I was cornered and told he thought we were meant for each other and I should dump boyfriend. Boyfriend returned and told him to leave me alone or he would flatten him. Took the hint.
I should have just said no in the first place!

Hah! But where is he now???

Met him whilst v v drunk.

One week later he drove 5 hours for the date.

Opened the door and thought WTF!

25 mins into the date were the longest 25 mins of my life, really. So dull.

Suggested we went back to mine just for something to do

Obviously he thought for sex (understandably)

Asked him to leave 30 mins after that.

Awful.

I was waiting for the end of your message to say that he arrived in at the end and had morphed into an adonis and you were kicking yourself.
I did a stint of online dating. So many come to mind.
Then there was the guy who had a v attractive tanned fit picture profile up, we spoke for months, knew all about each other and got on so well, we had same humour,morals, etc. etc. eventually said we'd meet, lived a good distance away so said he would book two rooms in a hotel room half way mark. I arrived late so went straight to the bar. I texted 'where are you' and a man turned. He resembled a large (30 stone) mafia bloke with gold chain and hairy chest and pin stripe suit. The blood must have drained from my face. But we got on so well i had a few drinks.He told me all his christmasses had come at once. I felt I had just been told Santa didn't exist. So I did the polite thing and said I honestly liked him but didn't feel there was anything, but we would enjoy a few drinks and have our own room and leave it at that. He seemed disapointed but respected my choice & was glad to have met me. Lovely ending. So it being 11:30pm, i decided to call it a night, i went to reception to get my key, she gave me the key and said but your partner has one already. I said no , mistake MY ROOM KEY. There was only one room booked. Hotel full. so sorry. I knew I couldn't drive home, 3 glasses of wine. 100km from home. So i told him ok must be double and single bed that's ok we'll just do that (i would leave at first sight of dawn!) Arrived to room with one double bed. I excused myself to bathroom. where panic rose. how the fupp do i get out of this one. nice guy but not in a million years would i share a bed!
i arrived out of bathroom 10 mins later. he was straddled accross the bed in what many artists would describe as a perfect life form drawing !. gold chain still attached, hand resting on hip. hand tapping the area beside him. I thought of every excuse but reakoned it must have been alchohol induced for him to have had 'balls' to think he'd get away with this plan & bare himself in such a unnattractive pose. ( i still have a snapshot image i can't erase)
I felt v guilty but lifted phone and pressed 0 for outside line,pretended to role play a conversation with the receptionist on phone about ensuring she didn't have another room and low and behold she did!! So i told him i was going back down and getting my key and to get a good nite sleep.
I pressed the lift to basement, got into my car and slept a disturbed 5 hrs and drove home at first sight of dawn).
He contacted me after and wanted to see if we could meet again as friends but I just couldn't bring myself. some men have serious balls!

I'm up to about 40 internet dates now...I've had a few interesting moments.

One involved a highly paid, wealthy south african guy who told me all about the bull sharks he fought, and gave me his political views for some time. We went for lunch, and he headed straight for my ex boyfriends local - the one place I didn't want to be. I told him the food there was dire, and the kitchen had been closed due to food poisoning cases and thankfully he diverted.

He then invited me to his flat, and I couldn't find an excuse not to fast enough. He got out of the car and looked around very furtively, and whispered to me that all his colleagues lived in adjoining flats, but he didn't think anyone was looking so hurry up and get inside. I was slightly baffled at this, but followed him in. We then had to ninja up the stairs in case we were seen.

Once inside the flat it was absolutely freezing. Ice cold. He led me into a room, and I realised it was a bedroom. My heart sank. He produced a big furry trapper hat and gloves from a bedside drawer and told me that the flat was so cold that he had to wear these in bed.

Then we went into the living room and sat down. I was shivering by now. He offered me a drink, and I eagerly asked for a nice hot cup of tea. No. He didn't have tea. Coffee then? No. No Coffee either. What did he have? Coke. Nothing else. He brought me a coke. It was flat, and warm. I think the fridge was actually warmer than the flat.

Then he put a 3D film on and popped the glasses onto my rudolph-like cold nose. He scurried off and came back with a somewhat unsavory looking duvet and lay it over both of us. Then a hand crept onto my leg. I stiffened up, and inched away. It crept further onto my leg. I turned and gave a 3D glasses red nosed death glare and the hand vanished, never to return. We watched the film in silence.

As soon as it finished he flipped onto 'Extreme Cheapskates', and started mocking people for their cheap, skinflint ways. As I sat there developing mild hypothermia because he was too tight to put the heating on in his luxury flat.

I made my excuses. We then crept back out of the flat, again furtively watching for the neighbouring colleagues who clearly were not allowed to know a woman was visiting him. Fighting Bullsharks, no bother. Meeting a woman - god forbid! We got to my car, he grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth with an uninvited tongue darting in uninvited and then said that now the ice was broken. I nodded speechlessly and left.

Later on I sent him a text, saying how nice it had been to meet him, but that I didn't feel there was a spark. He replied saying okay, no problem.

An hour later another text arrived.

"But I thought there was a spark?"

Chatted to a bloke online for a few weeks arranged to meet in local pub one sat .
I pulled up and waited about ten mins I texted him he said I'm in pub
Now I hate walking into a pub alone , but thought ok ,found him he was busy reading a book!
He said did I want a drink errrrm I'm in a pub so I'd say yes
He talked about politics,and hunting !
Then said he'd got to work that night ,
We were leaving his words were I just want you to know we in same pAge who says that lol but

Your fatter than your picture !!!

Best of it was I gave him the cupcake I'd saved for him !

I met a guy via online dating a number of years ago.

He was French and had a gorgeous accent when we spoke on the phone. He was shorter than me (I'm 5' 10") but he convinced me it wouldn't be an issue. So, I agreed to meet him.

He was 4" shorter than me and a very slight build, I felt like I was standing next to a teenager. My hands were bigger than his! We went for something to eat and his table manners were disgusting, he had food round his mouth for the whole meal.

It was still early after the meal and he asked me what I wanted to do next. I replied with "sorry,but I'm going home".

It was dire but was also a good lesson for me, never date men shorter than 6' - and I never have!

Again an online dating venture.....
Met a bloke in Starbucks for a coffee. We had exchanged emails but not spoken on the phone. Seemed to have a lot in common - love of the outdoors etc etc. he turned up in Lycra and proceeded to talk non-stop about how he 'd fallen on hard times and his ex-wife had taken him to the cleaners financially. He used to own a Porsche and a 5 bed roomed house. I seriously couldn't get a word in edge ways. Afterwards I decided not to even bother contacting him again but as it turned out he texted me immediately to inform me that he had enjoyed coffee but did not want to see me again as I was boring and didn't have much to say for myself!
Another very long evening was with the dullest bloke ever called Ed (Edwin). Lived with his Mum and turned up wearing pink cords finishing well above the top of his socks. I decided very quickly that he wasn't for me but thought I may as well try and enjoy the evening/be as polite as possible. I texted after to say that I would be happy to meet again but only as friends. He then sent about 10-20 texts saying he demanded a second chance/I was everything he 'd ever dreamed of.

After the above two escapades I had a rule of always speaking on the telephone first!
Despite the above, I had a great time internet dating. I met some lovely people some of which I am still good friends with.

These are hilarious! Sorry girls, shouldn't laugh really!

Mine was as a result of online dating. We met at a train station, all very public and above board. When he appeared he was at least ten years older then he had stated on his profile and was wearing green corduroy trousers that were much to short for him accessorised with what seemed to be a homemade Dr Who scarf.
I decided to do the polite thing and not flee. He wanted to get the train to a nearby seaside town and visit a Dr who exhibition. I buy my ticket, he asks the vendor for the same but instead of getting his wallet out he stares at me expectantly for an uncomfortably long time. Even the man in the booth is getting uncomfortable at this point so like a complete idiot I bought his ticket.
He spent the entire train journey discussing the scifi novel in excruciating detail. We went round the bloody Dr Who museum type thing and I suggested we get something to eat because I was ravenous. Then he turned sulky. I asked what kind of food he liked and he got all arsey and started harumphing at me. We ended up at pizza hut. He did the same expectant staring thing when the bill came so I ended paying.
When we were in Pizza Hut it started pissing down so we trudged back to the train station in the rain. Whilst trudging a car splashed me, it was freezing and I was soaked. So I did what a lot of people would do and swore, which caused him to lose the plot entirely. He turned beetroot red and started shouting at me for swearing all the way back to the train station. It was awful but the train station was my only escape so I gritted teeth and tuned him out.
When we got to the train station he grabbed my shoulders and went in for a kiss whilst I wriggled and tried to escape. I managed to wriggle out of his grasp and ran fuck to the ticket barriers and freedom.

This was about 10 years ago now when I was a bit meek and whimpy.

Just last Sunday actually!
Our third date!

We were walking along the pier and he was saying he was having the best time ever and I was just thinking how?! I'm having the worst time ever!! Eventually I led us over to this quiet place and we sat down and I said do you think we click and he said oh god yeah its amazing how much we click etc, I said I don't feel that way and he started crying and asked was I breaking up with him I said no because we weren't together but you're a lovely guy just no chemistry, he asked if it was cos he was too boring, had I met someone else, is it because of the area he lives in, because he was too clingy, too nice. I said no there's just no chemistry and then he started begging for another chance saying he'd do this and that and I was being really really nice for like 45mins then I said look its not that big a deal, we've only been on three dates! He got real nasty then and said what the fuck was that bullshit then (referencing a mildly flirty text I'd sent him the night before) I said look I'll get the dart home and stood up and he grabbed me scarily and was like no I'll bring you home ?? I was like right well you neednt start snapping at me, I've been as honest and nice as I can. Then at the car park machine he put out his hand and said "SIX EURO PLEASE" and driving me home he started driving me all crazy nearly killing us, saying is it cos I don't drive like a bad boy

Fucking.Freak

Love these
Just remembered the one a friend set me up with. Someone she knew from work, a lawyer. She swore he was 'just lovely. You'll love him. Funny, nice. Just got over a break-up and ready to start dating again'. Said we had loads in common and she thought he was a member of the Labour Party. Famous last words.
She knows me well and knows I like tall, well-built (never skinny) men. It's just my thing. I have never been attracted to a short, skinny man in my life. Anyway, he turned out to be shorter than me by a good few inches (I'm 5ft 7) and must have weighed 8st wet through. I could have given him 2 st and still weighed more than him. He arrived on his bike wearing lycra which was covered in wet sweat marks in awful places. He bought himself a drink, didn't ask if I wanted another, and then began the most awkward two hours I remember.
First hour he talked about his ex who was 15 years older than him and had dumped him but still strung him along. I knew every painful detail of their break-up at the end of that. Second hour he talked about cycling- the racing kind, not the pottering along on a bike kind- and his job and all the 'working class' divorce cases he dealt with where there was nothing to fight over.
At the end of the 'date' when he stood up there was a big wet patch on the vinyl seat in the pub. He asked if I wanted to 'do this again'. I didn't.

Givesyouhell . Furry trapper hat and gloves!

I love these stories, they're fascinating and horrifying.

Givesyouhell, your 3D glasses, red nosed death stare description made me howl!

I've only ever been on 1 date, and that was about a million years ago, and perfectly nice and unremarkable, but threads like these somehow make me wish I could give dating a try, just to experience the insanity of it.

I have plenty more tales if anyone wants to hear them? You really couldn't make this stuff up!

There are a lot of lovely, genuine people online dating too. I've made some wonderful friends from it.

Absolutely, keep them coming. So far, we have had bizarre, sad, quite scary, ewww and just funny. All of human life is here.

I met a guy on the train, he was just lovely! Very funny, tall and stocky. Wanted to take me out and asked for my number. Happily gave it to him and went home looking forward to my date the next day. Only to receive a text asking if I had given myself an orgasm yet thinking about his fat "bell end". I didn't go on the date.

On a blind date set up by a friend without my prior knowledge I was left listening to a man discuss his love of world of warcraft. He suddenly lunged in for a snog and ended up sacking my chin. I made excuses to go to the loo thinking I could escape and send a message to say family emergency etc. Unfortunately he bailed first with the message of he wanted someone more "up for it"

I met a guy that seemed perfect! And he was gorgeous and very out of my league. Couldn't understand why he was interested in me, until he spent a good hour talking about the children he had sired in various counties and countries (army bloke), 4 were definitely his, one was 50/50, and there was a lass in our area who he swears he doesn't remember "cumming in" so he doesn't believe her. We were both 22 at the time

I waited ages at the bar once while the guy I was seeing went to the loo..eventually went looking for him only to find he'd been collared by some mates and forgotten all about me! Obviously made a lasting impression on him then

Met a new bloke and he was all on for going on to a party. He was ten years older than me and I was still in full swing, going out etc.

The party was his sister, husband and their two young children were up. I spent Saturday night in a party dress in their playroom. I preferred plying with the children then the boring conversation.

Anon I think the message from that is never, ever get in a car with a man you have just pissed off.

I know, I must have been mad!! And he kept saying "I'm never coming to (name of seaside town) AGAIN" and anytime a song that mentioned love came on he'd bash the radio and say I can't listen to this!! Nuts!

I think he said that to her corus

Dear god. Please swear never to see hi. Again ?

He took me to Pizza Hut (bad in itself) then half way through dinner i realised that his ex worked there. He left me at the table by myself for 10 mins whilst he had a chat with his ex in the corner of the room. He then suggested we split the bill. I called it quits after our Pizza Hut meal and caught the bus home by myself as i had no cash for a cab. I was mugged on the bus on the way home. Worst date ever.