Is it reasonable to snap at your partner if they suggested you should check for a chronic illness?

[Falconi]

My H has been very ill for the last 15 days.
He phoned in sick only for one day and continue going to work. His employer's know he is not well and still keeps him there. I know he shouldn't being going.
It is not man flu and I haven't see him like this before.
It is a terrible cough, to me it sounds like chest infection or something to do with his lungs. He, at times is spitting blood and blowing blood through his nose.
From the beginning I suggested he goes to see a doctor or a pharmacist but he never did. He never does.

I was talking to my sister about this the other day and she was shocked and suggested he could get checked for TB. She knows someone who is recovering from TB and got it from work (same line of work as H) and told me a few facts. I got really scared.

So today, I told him I am going to book an appointment for him and I want him to go to for sure, and he said OK. Then I mentioned my sister's acquaintance and him snapped at me, totally out of the blue, told me to stop talking because I was scaring him and how can I even think about saying this just to make him scared... I was really surprised and apologised saying that this wasn't my intention at all and he continued going on saying that he knows it wasn't my intention but "I don't get it" and "he can't believe I am even saying this" and "just because I got worried I am trying to make him worried too"...

I got really upset but managed to hold it in and had a cry in the bedroom (I didn't like his tone and reaction). I am waiting for Dd to go to bed so I can tell him that I think he was being really unfair and demand an apology for talking to me like that, when again what I wanted was to help.

Something like that happened before, I was trying to help him to do something and he snapped and I felt like today (in fact much worse) and I just can't understand what is the trigger, what am I doing wrong? I know I was a little patronising on the other occasion, was I patronising today too?

Thank you if you got this far.
I need to know if I am BU and how is the best way to solve this without fighting.

Tbh, I'd have considered tb with such symptoms too.

Except... I have had a similar terrible cough and tiredness and chest pressure for a couple of weeks. No blood in the cough, but through the nose. It can be so bad that capillaries may burst.
It's a virus going round at the moment.
But I've just finished a course of antibiotics and with lots of rest it's getting better slowly.

DS had something similar but less cough.

He should definitely be seen and should rest, even if he doesn't feel so bad that he can't work.
But I'd go with him to the gp and insist he's given sick leave to get properly better.

Sorry to be clear I don't mean it's a waste of an ambulance at the point where he might really need one - just that it's a poor use of resources if he were to get to that point when he should have just gone to the GP earlier.

He's scared. That's it. The fact that he upset you is irrelevant. Sorry. He knows there is something wrong.

He probably just needs antibiotics for a chest infection.

Falconi, I had to nag my DH to go for a check-up when things were clearly not right.

Nag......nag.......nag...... nag.......

I loved him so much that I wanted him to be well. Look at my user ID

Would I have done anything different? YES! I would have nagged sooner!

Dd went to bed and he ended up going too so I didn't tell him how he upset me nor demanded an apology. Just confirmed the time he is expected to finish work as I will try and book a doctor for after work.
I am not sure if he would be able to function at all if it was TB would him? Also he says he got this from someone at work so if there was a TB outbreak at work, sure they would have to have some measures in place? Bet it is chest infection. Will updated. Thanks.

I agree it's far more likely to be a chest infection than anything else, but when someone coughs up blood you do not muck about.

NHS - Symptoms of Lung Cancer

"There are usually no signs or symptoms in the early stages of lung cancer. However, symptoms develop as the condition progresses.
The main symptoms of lung cancer are listed below. If you have any of these, you should see your GP:

• a cough that doesn’t go away after two or three weeks ("for the last 15 days")
• a long-standing cough that gets worse
• persistent chest infections
• coughing up blood
• an ache or pain when breathing or coughing
• persistent breathlessness
• persistent tiredness or lack of energy
• loss of appetite or unexplained weight loss

Less common symptoms of lung cancer include:

• changes in the appearance of your fingers, such as becoming more curved or their ends becoming larger (this is known as finger clubbing)
• a high temperature (fever) of 38°C (100.4°F) or above ("fever")
• difficulty swallowing or pain when swallowing
• wheezing
• a hoarse voice
• swelling of your face or neck
• persistent chest or shoulder pain ("pressure in his chest")

Probably not cancer, it always seems serious when you Google symptoms. But he definitely needs to see a doctor.

So he went to see the doctor today and after 5 minutes was diagnosed with chest infection and prescribed antibiotics for one week + inhaler for his asthma.
No tests.
But I am not sure if H was entirely honest with the GP though...I have witnessed him been vague before.

Falconi, I'm sure it is just a chest infection. I know lots of people are ill at the moment with colds and very bad coughs. I've been ill for 3 weeks with it- never had a cough like it and I am so tired.

At least your Dh went to the Drs. If he isn't right by the end of his tablets then he'll have to go back, but I expect the tablets will clear up what he has.

If it was cancer or TB, then there seems to be a huge epidemic.
In all likelihood it's just really a chest infection.

If it doesn't get better in a few days, then he should go to the GP and do further tests.

when I have had a chest infection, it's always been diagnosed by GP v quickly indeed, they can usually tell enough to prescribe ABs by listening to your chest, so I've been in and out with abs within five minutes. Hopefully the abs will clear it up pretty quickly, he may not be 100% better within the week, but noticeably better iyswim. Btw when I had a chest infection with spitting up blood, dr gave me a form for a chest x-ray, but I was only to go once I had finished the antibiotics. Must admit that I was 100% better within a fortnight of the abs I thought there was no point going for the x-ray [embarassed]. So I agree about giving the abs a chance, if they don't help then of course he should go back to GP.