Is it on or not to flirt with strangers when you are in a committed relationship ?

[IHAVEALIVERABBITINMYCRACK]

One my friend thinks it's on and I don't. I'd like to know what others think ? Am I uptight ?

Well not really, no. My dh does this sometimes because he is totally clueless about women flirting with him. He'll flirt right back and I have to kick him in the shins.

No of course it's not.

She also flirts with her friend's husband :-(

I think it's an individual thing. Some people in a relationship are happy to flirt, happy for their partner to flirt, happy for others to flirt with them. Others don't feel the same way at all and can be very offended if their partner so much as looks at another person. I don't think either of you are wrong therefore, just different.

I think I agree with you Cogito, there is no right or wrong, it's just a bit shocking :-( her husband is a bit insecure so in her case she is not helping him !

Depends on the flirting. DP is good at batting eyelashes, flashing winning smiles and ridiculously flowery talk, which I know he does at work if he wants the battleaxe in accounts to do him a favour, and which comes in useful if we're trying to book seats on a train/in a restaurant/any customer service situation. It's almost comedy flirting: it's done light-heartedly and taken light-heartedly.

If it were leering, leaning into someone and making creepy suggestions etc, or quite serious flirting with anyone who was a regular part of our social life, I'd have a problem with it.

up to the couple

not on to flirt if it upsets your partner

Generally, no it's disrespectful and potentially hurtful.

If the husband is insecure then she's being cruel. If she's flirting with other people's husbands she's going to end up with no friends. I think the psychological term is 'a bit of an old slapper'.

I agree with Bosie. Dp and I are both flirts though, but only lightweighters.

Depends on your definition of flirting.

Some people seem to think flirting is saying things like, "Cor, you've got a lovely arse, luv!" which would probably be a bit inappropriate if you're already in a relationship.

What Bosie said.
Depends what you mean as 'flirting'.
What about if you call it 'charming people' - does that help? I see what some people might call flirting, to be just a bit of flannel, some light hearted banter. It's not an attempt to throw yourself at the other person, just a chance to flatter someone and pay them a bit of a compliment - light hearted conversation if you like.

I agree with cog and a few others. Both my husband and I enjoy a good light hearted flirt. I don't tend to analyze it, but I think of I did, I would come to the conclusion that we are both friendly people who enjoy a good bit of banter. It would frustrate me if he was upset by this, because I feel that both of us are intrinsically open and flirting (lightly) seems a part of that. However I don't feel he has ever crossed a line, or that I have. If he did I would cut his balls off with a toothpick.

lol
yes, define this flirting. is it crotch grabbing, oooh er missus, or a flutter of eyelashes?

I think it depends.

A bit of cheeky but innocent flirtatiousness is one thing, but very sexualised flirting is not.

I know that my friend's husband and I often do the former but the boundaries are so clear they're almost visible. And I did have a friend who fell into the latter and was almost in permanent seduction mode.

I think the former is fine if everyone is happy with it. I'd be happy for my boyfriend to do that. But the latter is not acceptable to me under any circumstances.

Depends what you perceive as flirting. I remember when I was younger there was a guy I worked with who was married and older. We got on very well and used to always have a laugh together ,I saw this as he fancied me so developed a crush (and maybe an obsession ). Many years on when I've seen him with other people he acts exactly the same ; he's just a very friendly person with everyone and know for a fact it's definitely not flirting. So some people just come across as flirty as that's their persona.

Define "flirting" .... The dictionary definition does refer to behaving as though sexually attracted, but playfully rather than with any serious intent.

So, I'd say "intent" was they key to the original question.
Because one person's idea of engaging in conversation is another's idea of flirting .....

Bosie's DP sounds like the dictionary definition of a flirt - behaving "as if" sexually attracted, but the only serious intent being to get upgraded or the last table in a restaurant . If he can sweet-talk someone into getting good seats or whatever, I'd happily have a partner who "flirts".

But, if the "intent" wasn't just a better seat, then not so much.

As always, doesn't matter what we think - if it's not something the two in the relationship agree on, that's where the problem is.

"What about if you call it 'charming people' - does that help? ...just a chance to flatter someone and pay them a bit of a compliment - light hearted conversation if you like."

I agree with this suggestion.

Yes, that's the difference - the intent. So my friend's husband and I probably are a little flirty on occasions. But there is no intent behind it. We would both be horrified and angry if the other actually tried it on!

But I also know that if his wife had an issue with it, he wouldn't do it.

"We would both be horrified and angry if the other actually tried it on!"

I first read that as hornified.

Think it's a personal thing and also as others have said depends on the intent.

I've been called a flirt in the past but really don't think I am...I consider flirting to be something you do if your attracted to someone. I talk to everyone the same but tend to be very chatty, and quite complimentary to people that's just who I am. DH doesn't mind as he knows I am very open and friendly with everyone. If I had the intent to for want of a better word 'seduce' someone or only acted that way with people I found attractive that would be another story.

Definitely wouldn't be hornified!!

One evening, she sat on a man's lap in the front of her husband...another night a man briefly touched her arse. Tights...

if it was in front of her dh, then it sounds like he is ok with it, and that is the important thing. if he is not ok with it then up to him to tell her, not other people to judge

I think it depends on who sees, sometimes things can be seen as flirting but is just friendly chat between adults, I've done it, it means nothing just a bit of giggle.

Or theres the intent of a sexual nature which is obviously flirting, groping and lap sitting I would consider flirting.