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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ending my affair

51 replies

evey44 · 17/04/2014 20:17

I would love some advice. I have been having an affair for 16 months and I just can't stand the hurt anymore. I am married and I love my husband but I also love the man I'm having the affair with. We have become really close and tell each other everything...but deep down I know it could never work. We are killing each other.. he needs to move on and find someone to start a life with, but can't while we are seeing each other. We try and stop but keep starting up again but it really does have to end as I am in such a state. I just miss him so much and don't know what to do. I know it's wrong but I just need some advice. Thank you

OP posts:
LittleBlueMouse · 24/04/2014 14:33

If not, perhaps you ought to tell him so at least then he can also decide whether he wants to stay married to you?

I am going to disagree with fontella

Evey you say you haven't been focussing on your marriage and your DH, but how much of his time and attention have been focussed on you in the last year? I say this because, if he has no suspicions whatsoever, then he hasn't been paying attention to the marriage either. You have two children, if you can put the affair behind you, tell DH nothing. Concentrate on building a closer relationship with him. If you tell him, all the angst, argument and guilt will eat you both up.

bagpuss23 · 24/04/2014 14:36

Totally agree with LucyInTheSky78, if you was unhappy in your marriage you should have left him not cheat on him and lower yourself to his standards I have no sympathy for your type

Jan45 · 24/04/2014 14:45

You can't possibly love your OH if you have been lying and cheating for nearly a year and a half, grow up, in fact, grow some morals and stop feeling sorry for yourself, you created your own hurt and no doubt carrying on in your selfish mode will end up hurting your family even more.

LittleBlueMouse · 24/04/2014 14:48

What exactly is "your type" some people here are incredibly indoctrinated into the romanticised ideals of patriarchal/capitalist hegemony. Be a little more pragmatic and realise that "all kinds" of people do all kinds of things for many and varied reasons. We have no idea how it is to be anyone other than ourselves. Judge not, lest thee be judged thy self.

LittleBlueMouse · 24/04/2014 14:49

and no I'm not religious, and morals are not chosen from a pick and mix of what suits you, your motivations, your belief or your ideological mindset.

Fontella · 24/04/2014 14:53

Disagree all you like Mouse but the fact is she's been having a full blown bells and whistles sexual emotional affair behind her husband's back for well over a year.

And quite how you can twist that round to suggest that because her husband didn't know, didn't have any suspicions whatsoever, then 'he hasn't been paying attention to the marriage either'.

Wow - so the husband is somehow to blame for what she and her lover have done behind his back because he wasn't paying enough attention.

How many women come on here starting threads telling us that they have just found out that their husbands have been cheating and carrying on affairs behind their back AND THEY HAD NO FUCKING CLUE. They are shocked, in disbelief, mortified, their world has fallen apart, it's a bolt from the blue. "I would NEVER have thought my husband could do this" ... how many times have you read that?

Not once have I seen anyone have a pop at them for not knowing, or accuse them of not paying attention to the marriage. But when it's a husband that's been cheated on, it's all change at Euston and he's in some part to blame for not paying attention to the marriage and therefore doesn't deserve to be told what his wife, and mother of his children has been up to.

The OP has been doing a helluva lot more than 'not paying attention' to her marriage. She's been shagging someone else for 16 months, seemingly while still 'loving' her husband.

Now she's decided that she wants to make a go of her marriage, while her husband is to be kept entirely in the dark about what his wife has been up to.

She's decided, she's made a choice ... don't you think he deserves to also be given a choice. He might want to forgive her, he might be prepared to overlook it, he might want to go for an STI check, he might want to kick her out of the door .. but according to you he's not going to be given the chance to decide anything because he doesn't deserve to know that his wife has been having repeated sexual and emotional contact with another man for the past 16 months.

Yeah, that sounds fair.

Jan45 · 24/04/2014 14:53

LBM: we are all entitled to our opinions as is bagpuss, by type I'd imagine that means devoid of morals, a good liar and a self centred egotistic, lacking in a conscience.

the OP is all about me, me, me.

bagpuss23 · 24/04/2014 14:56

LittleBlueMouse so your saying that people cheating is ok are you married how would you feel if you partner cheated on you

LittleBlueMouse · 24/04/2014 15:15

LBM: we are all entitled to our opinions as is bagpuss, by type I'd imagine that means devoid of morals, a good liar and a self centred egotistic, lacking in a conscience

Yep that's what I took the statement to infer. Are morals relative? because if you take the view that monogamy is moral then the opposite is immoral. But monogamy is a fairly new social construct not a natural/biological state, so therefore the "moral" imperative is constructed to support a social norm. You cannot establish truly if something is moral just by refusing to question why it is accepted as such. This would mean that morals are relative, not absolute. Therefore your "moral code" cannot be absolute, it is based upon opinion and acceptance but is unprovable and not a fact.

Fontella I agree, most women who post do say that it was a bolt from the blue, but really, do perfectly happy monogamists cheat? might there be just some thing, however small in that relationship that isn't working for that person who cheats. Also the deceit involved in having an affair must change the behaviour of the person having the affair.

bagpuss23 if you accept Fontella's argument then he could be having an affair and I wouldn't know. If I don't know about something I can't possibly have any feeling on it. If I were to know, then I would be unhappy at the deceit. I say this because deceit can be proven logically to be immoral, whereas monogamy is not a factually established as moral imperative.

Jan45 · 24/04/2014 15:23

LBM: not even reading all that, no need, I have my beliefs and neither you or anyone else can change them, you just have to accept that some people, like myself will never excuse an affair, no matter what the circumstances, esp a 16 month long one.

If you want to shag someone else, end your relationship, that's the best advise I could give the OP.

Fontella · 24/04/2014 15:42

Sorry Mouse - there's nothing in the paragraph with my name on it that persuades me that this man doesn't deserve to know what his wife has been up to.

If it was a fling, a one night stand, a drunken fumble, a few texts back and forth .. but 18 months of lying, cheating, sneaking around and having regular sex with a lover behind her husband's back?

You've written: 'The deceit involved in having an affair must change the behaviour of the person having the affair'

My response: No shit Sherlock!

In the OP's own words, cut and pasted from one of her posts:

"I really do love my husband and I probably have been cold and not paying him enough attention. I intend to start to put all my efforts into turning this around. I know I've been a bad wife"

So quite how you translate this into - the cheating wife changes her behaviour, therefore the husband couldn't have been paying the marriage enough attention because he didn't 'know' she was having an affair, and therefore doesn't deserve to be told about it and should be kept in the dark forever, while she sets about 'working on her marriage'.

Nah, not right in anyone's world and certainly not the real one that most of us live in.

  1. Tell the lover it's over and stop all communication with him. 2. Tell her husband the truth and let him decide how he wants to proceed. He deserves that at the very least. If he wants to save his marriage, fine, but at least he does it knowing all the facts and not in a continuation of the deceit that has been perpectuated by his wife for the past 16 months.

But as so many have already said sadly, it's all about her, how she feels, how ill she is, what a state she's in

IrianofWay · 24/04/2014 15:44

Monogamy may be a fairly modern social construct. Honesty isn't though. Betrayal of any kind is always seen as a horrible thing to do.

Jan45 · 24/04/2014 15:46

But monogamy is a fairly new social construct

Is it...? Having a conscience isn't though eh.

BouncyBabe98 · 24/04/2014 17:07

God women are so harsh to each other. Such a double standard. I am not agreeing with infidelity but a man would probably be giving the other guy a shrug/pat on the back for this. Here I see people laying in to OP - this poor woman has come on here for advice and is clearly devastated by her actions and in real pain and she gets criticism and from what i can see and judgement! Cruel and pretty heartless is an understatement - and this is from mothers? What happened to being kind and perhaps compassionate? Yes - women do have affairs, get over it. It might not be right but we are not in the dark ages. Sorry if that is a bit harsh but i am fed up with this bashing of women that seems to go on if they act 'out of the female stereotype'. Sorry to crash - Rant over.

LucyInTheSky78 · 24/04/2014 18:38

What a load of rubbish. It has nothing to do with whether she's a man or a woman! How condescending of you to think that it's a reaction to women not playing the stereotype. I'm perfectly aware that women have affairs, so stop speaking as if people here who have a problem with her behaviour are idiots.

And it's a little rich considering your comment about men shrugging/patting each other on the back. Gender stereotyping anyone?
Does this mean if a male friend had a problem with a male friend in her position, he'd be breaking the male stereotype? Tosh.

Clutterbugsmum · 24/04/2014 19:39

I think she still lying about her affair.

OP has not answered any question, just keeps saying I really love my husband i'm so sorry but I am now having counselling.

I don't care whether the OP is male of female my answer would be the same. Be honest to your husband let them make the choice as to whether him make the choice as to whether he still wants a relationship with you.

Clutterbugsmum · 24/04/2014 19:39

male or female

ThePinkOcelot · 24/04/2014 19:45

How is the dh in this to blame? Just because he hasn't noticed anything amiss he is to blame for his wife shagging around for the past 18 months? Unbelievable!
OP, give yourself a kick up the arse!

Jan45 · 25/04/2014 11:07

Bouncy: You think if it was a man he'd be getting a pat on the back, really, what a strange view you have, makes no difference on the gender, it's you who is stereotyping here.

The OP has actually been given good advice on what to do if you actually bothered to read those bits.

Sometimes life is harsh, especially if you are living a life like that.

We're harsh and cruel? Don't think so, I think you should be directing that at the OP and not us.

IrianofWay · 25/04/2014 11:42

" I say this because, if he has no suspicions whatsoever, then he hasn't been paying attention to the marriage either. "

May I just say this is just nonsense. You can be aware that something is amiss. You can be aware that the marriage ain't exactly on top form. But that does not, in most people's minds, translate to 'OMG! She must be having an affair!'

I knew something was wrong with my husband - and i asked, many many times, and i got the answer 'nothing is wrong, FGS stop worrying! or 'work is stressful, that's all'. And as he got more and more distant and wierd I just stopped asking. When I found out it was a real lightbulb moment but the fact I didn't instantly assume he was in an affair does not make me neglectful. Ditto the OPs' husband

fairylightsintheloft · 25/04/2014 13:03

OP whether or not you tell your husband is up to you and not really the point of your post as I read it. I have been where you are but went the other way - left exDH (we had no kids btw) and now am married to OM. It was fucking awful for ALL concerned and I think the very unsympathetic posters on here perhaps have an unrealistic expectation of life being clear cut all the time. I didn't plan or go looking for an affair but I met someone for the first time in my adult life (had been with ex since we were teens) that I realised was the right person for me. I didn't want to leave my marriage but knew I wouldn't be happy in it anymore. (My affair only lasted about 3 months before I told him). Just because I did the leaving didn't mean I wasn't very very unhappy for a long time and you are allowed to feel how you feel regardless of the fact that its your "fault". It is not a competition between the couple as to who is most miserable. You have decided to stay in your marriage and have asked for help in how to do that. Cutting all contact IS the only way and that will involve making yourself uncontactable so that YOU are in control. You may find that in order to really re-embrace your marriage you do decide to tell your DH and what happens then is up to the two of you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Jan45 · 25/04/2014 14:21

Funny how the cheaters are sympathetic but if you haven't cheated on your husband then you're somehow living an unrealistic life. I do have sympathy, for the ones who are being hurt and lied to.

An affair of 16 months is not an accident or a mistake, it's a deliberate long term deceitful way to live.

And the line, I didn't plan or go looking....it just happened is rubbish too, you make a choice to cheat, simple as that, we all have control over our bodies.

florence44 · 25/04/2014 14:24

hi evey. i know exactly how you feel :0(

PoundingTheStreets · 25/04/2014 15:22

evey - have you established why you fell into the affair? That's the key to ending it and recovering from it - regardless of whether your DH is aware of what's happened and regardless of whether you stay together.

For now, let's take monogamy out of it. Even allowing for the fact that monogamy isn't for everyone, those who know themselves well either sign up to monogamy or reject it. A lot of people don't really ever question it and find themselves unable to live up to the ideal, but that's their responsibility to deal with, not their partner;s to check. Do you believe in monogamy yourself? How do you feel about your lover sleeping with his DW? I'm guessing that like most people, you probably consider yourself monogamous, but by all means examine this angle further if you think you might not be.

Happy, fulfilled and self-aware people do not have affairs. So you are either unhappy, unfulfilled or chronically lacking in self-awareness - possibly all three. Affairs are rarely about sex; they are more about fulfilling some need in the person having the affair, and that need isn't always obvious.

What often happens is that a friendship ignites an emotional connection that is lacking from the marriage. In the early days of relationships you get the sense that your partner is interested in everything you say, even the banal. That's a heady experience. A new friendship can recreate those feelings and be very addictive, quickly spilling over into emotional affair territory and then a full-blown sexual affair. What's important to recognise is that it isn't anything abut the other person that matters here - it's about you feeling important. To some extent pretty much anyone could fulfil the role of making you feel important by just listening to you.

If it started off much more because of sexual attraction, again it is because of how you feel - virile, desirable, more alive than you have in years, etc. It's actually much less about how attractive you find the other person once you start looking beneath the surface.

Quite often people sleepwalk into affairs. They're not actively unhappy, more mildly bored than anything. They have an average job, marriage is essentially ok but a bit stuck in the rut after years together and children, they've reduced their hobbies and interests in a bid to keep juggling the balls of marriage, children and job. Then someone comes along and triggers memories of what it used to be like to be younger, more exciting and dynamic, full of promise for the future, a person in your own right not just wife/mother/employee. Unless you recognise what is happening to you, it's ever so easy to fall for it.

The trick is to monitor not just your relationship but also your life. It is vital to find fulfilment in something other than your DC and your partner, something that is about you alone - because that is the key to feeling good about yourself and therefore being less vulnerable to outside influences. And on the plus side, it often makes the primary relationship stronger because those who place importance on their own wellbeing tend to be more attractive to their partners. It also makes you much more likely to refuse to accept poor behaviour from your partner - and for them to be aware of that and respect it.

Go away and have a think OP.

Placeinthesun · 25/04/2014 17:22

OP does your DH know about your affair? How old are your dc's? Could you imagine Co parenting them if you split with DH for OM or to be on your own?

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