Husband doesn't love me anymore and I'm pregnant.

[123mumma]

Hi I have been with my husband for 8 years, we have had a happy marriage and always got on well. 2 years ago we made a decision to move away from family/ friends for a better job. It was very hard settling in and enormous pressure, which sadly resulted in my husband having a form of breakdown. Together we got through it and I thought were happy. I found out I was pregnant my husband was thrilled, we made plans and thought that things were meant to be. But he started to not be so excited about baby, I put it down to the fact it didn't feel real for him yet, my body n hor mones had changed but when baby was here it would be fine. 2 months ago he told me although he loved me he wasn't in love with me, I know for certain there is no other woman involved, he's a work a Holic, or home every evening with me. He just said our relationship has changed so much. For 2 months we have tried but he couldn't say he loved me back, which hurt me so much,there was always awkwardness after that but no arguments.we decided I'd move back with family, he sobbed when I left. I'm over 7 months pregnant and all I want is my loving husband back and to be a family in our home.i worry he's having a form of breakdown, one minute he's ok then breaks down in tears, he also hasn't told anyone we've split.i had to move out because it was tied house to his job.i know he'll support me financially. But all I want is him, what I wondered was what did anyone else think? Maybe he just doesn't love me or maybe the baby has panicked him as he seems so confused plus he's shutting family n friends out? Or just guilt because I'm in an awful situation now? What do I do? I've never written on this before so I don't und all the shorthand!!

Blue seashore, when I wrote my first post I felt completely lost and alone as if no one would possibly understand.
Minion100 had been through a very identical situation, everything she said made sense to me.
I am so sorry that you have been in this situation too, I'm so grateful to read your post, do not hesitate to write on here maybe between us we can all help each other in some way.

You do know in your heart if your marriage was happy. When your husband starts saying how unhappy he had been for a long time you doubt yourself, I felt others thought poor girl she just didn't see it coming.

At times on bad days I believe it for a while, but deep down I know my husband, I saw how he looked me, I was with him all the time,we smiled and laughed, he spent so much time picking a beautiful bracelet for me at Xmas, our initials and a pram on it, you don't do things like that if you don't love someone.
I also know that no one would ever suggest trying for a family if they didn't love their partner that just doesn't make sense.
That probably is the one thing I really cling too, it's not a decision you make lightly, he loved me when We planned it.

I'm glad you are feeling more positive blue seashore and there hopefully will be light at the end of the tunnel.
I just wondered if your husband had ever had depression before or any signs you look back on think hmm that wasn't quite right?

I too feel quite robbed at times that such a beautiful time in my life hasn't been happy as it should be, but I have also thought that being pregnant has made me stronger.
If I hadn't been pregnant I could imagine being in a very bad place, not eating or even wanting to get out of bed. I know however for my bump I have to be strong and carry on.if I feel sad I go for a walk, I talk to my bump, I look through baby bits anything to distract me.

Blueseashore how is your husband with your bundle of joy?
You must be strong lady to be holding it all together.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks if you were happy I'm very sure your husband was too. Couples split because they were both unhappy, you don't ever hear of a couple sitting because one person was unhappy, and the other thought it was all perfect.
I believe you would know it if something had been wrong, and after a year if you still can't see there was anything wrong its because there wasn't.
Like minion100 says depression makes people really believe things even if they are not true

I really hope that the light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger, and it works out for you too.
It really does help to hear from people that have been through this situation.

Thank you

Hello OP, sorry to have disappeared from the thread! Not sure if you're still reading but wanted to check in to see how you're doing? And how is your H? Have you had much contact?

In response to your questions, my DH's breakdown was a real bolt from the blue. He was always totally chilled out, balanced and generally sunny about life. If anything I was the one in the relationship more prone to anxiety and worry. Completely pulled the rug from under me!

He found it very very hard to build a relationship with our son in the early days Even harder I think as DS was a refluxy screamer of a baby, but to be honest even if he had been a dreamy smiling newborn I don't think my DH had anything in him to give. It has been very difficult to see that, and I feel so very sad for my DS, but I smother him with cuddles as it helps me out in my tough days too so I think he's a pretty happy baby. I think DH is slowly feeling something for DS, though he still can't cope if DS is being fractious or crying.

Thinking of you x