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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Yet Another Argument....

46 replies

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:07

Second time in a matter of weeks where I've been compelled to walk out! I'm on my phone so apologies for any mistakes.

So it's Sunday, I took a day off tomorrow so me and DP could go to a theme park during the holidays, really excited this morning about it!
I go for lunch at Grans, DP was going to his Mums, plan was to spend the afternoon together and go play at a social badminton club late afternoon. I get to Grans, get a text saying he'll be late back, decided to go and play tennis.
Bit annoyed to be honest as he just cancels our plans, so I decide to go out with sister and friends to play badminton instead.

He strolls in 4pm and all hell breaks loose because I'm not going to badminton with him, because it's something we always do. Yet the entire time I'm there he barely even acknowledges my existence. He goes to the bedroom and reads and I headed back to see my sister. Come in, try and say sorry (even though I'm sure I've done nothing wrong) and get told to get out of his face, and he doesn't want to be anywhere near me.

I got quite upset, all this over me not going to badminton with him and me being pissed off he extended his afternoon away from me so I felt compelled to just get in the car. And here I am, pulled up in some lay by typing this, don't really want to go home for the silent treatment yet I think he's massively overreacting. Am I right here?

OP posts:

Logg1e · 06/04/2014 21:19

Am I right in thinking he came home to go to Badmington with you, only to learn you'd already been and therefore you weren't going with him?

Original poster

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:22

No, he already knew before he came home and then decided to go mental about it after being fine in text messages

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 06/04/2014 21:27

He cancelled your plans so you found someone else to play with and it's your fault?

This isn't a good sign, can you get out of this relationship before something serious happens?

Irishmummy1981 · 06/04/2014 21:28

Is he 12? You'll need to ask yourself why you are with him if he gets so shitty over something so small and something he knew about.

Original poster

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:30

I just came home and tried to talk. He walked out with his book and into the bathroom and locked the door. Leaving me in tears, I've honestly got no idea how this has turned into such a big issue, yes I did get annoyed at him just disregarding our afternoon together so had a little payback but still, it doesn't warrant this.

He also says I'm the definition of a psychopath too, and that whenever I question about the amount of time he's out with family, friends or playing sport I'm being possessive

OP posts:

Finola1step · 06/04/2014 21:36

Do you have dc with this man?

Logg1e · 06/04/2014 21:36

I don't think a "little payback" is the best way of communicating, but I've got to ask, why are you with him?

Original poster

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:37

God no children! Because he's a lovely guy, but when he thinks I'm being 'possessive' or psycho for wanting time with him when he'd rather be doing something else it all starts.

I'm beginning to wonder the same myself

OP posts:

Finola1step · 06/04/2014 21:39

So what's in it for you?

jayho · 06/04/2014 21:40

stonewalling and gaslighting in one tidy package, he isn't a keeper. Cut your losses.

Just try translating his behaviour into childcare or property issues and you'll see how unworkable this is.

You agree what you're going to do, he moves the goalposts, you have the temerity to take your own line, he goes into a huff.

Next, you'll modify your behaviour so he doesn't go into a huff or spend all your time second guessing him to keep him happy.

That way madness lies......

Original poster

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:40

When it's good it's amazing, when it's bad it's really bad

But I just don't know what to do, were two months into a six month lease and I can't just walk out and leave him with the bills

OP posts:

Logg1e · 06/04/2014 21:41

A lovely guy isn't someone who would call you names.

ImperialBlether · 06/04/2014 21:41

Did anyone else shout he is not a lovely guy just then? I certainly did. OP he is a complete idiot and you would be well rid of him

Logg1e · 06/04/2014 21:42

Is it a one bed?

Original poster

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:42

jayho - I do all of that now. Don't say a word when he spends 80% of our day when we are off doing something other than being together. I have to let it go or I'm accused of being possessive again. It just makes no sense why someone who is meant to love someone can't see their point of view!

OP posts:

Original poster

wills84 · 06/04/2014 21:43

It's a two bedroom flat, I moved twenty miles away from my hometown, he's two miles from his. I'm twenty five miles from work and at first didn't think it was so bad, now I feel completely isolated

OP posts:

Logg1e · 06/04/2014 21:45

Well there you go, he can get a flat mate to cover the costs.

Logg1e · 06/04/2014 21:46

I'm not saying LTB by the way, I'm saying that guilt needn't be a reason to stay with him, just the fact that you're in a safe and happy and loving and fun relationship.

whitesugar · 06/04/2014 21:47

Do you think things are bad enough to walk out or could you work it out? How long have you been together and is it always crap?

Finola1step · 06/04/2014 21:50

So you have an option. Move your stuff into the spare bedroom, end the relationship, see out the contract but start putting plans in place to move out.

Problem with this option is that with a manipulative person like your partner, this gives them extra time to make their mark.

Leave. This is not going to work.

Original poster

wills84 · 07/04/2014 09:19

So after being awake until 3am talking he broke up with me and I'm utterly distraught.

He listed things, like how he wished he never moved in with me, that he doesn't love me, all his family and friends hate me and just really horrible stuff, and even asked if he could throw his glass of water at me. I thought he was joking and said yes, and he did it. Writing all of that makes me wonder why I'd even want to be with him but I love him so much, I just wish he'd go back to normal again! He's asleep now, no idea if he's going to stick to it when he wakes up, he seemed quite serious about it last night.

He also called me a psychopath again and that I'm not normal, I promised to visit his family more and make more of an effort (I really don't though so this is understandable on his part)

I just feel devastated and hope he's changed his mind when he wakes up

OP posts:

Logg1e · 07/04/2014 09:22

Oh my dear, what has happened to you that you accept this treatment from him??

Logg1e · 07/04/2014 09:23

This isn't love.

He's done you a favour, leave and don't look back.

Original poster

wills84 · 07/04/2014 09:24

Because he said he wants to hurt me by saying these things as much as I've hurt him recently.

I just love him very very much and wish he would just stop this. Towards the end of talking he started talking about his early life a lot and normal things, as if he was prepared to think about starting again and now I have no idea what he's going to do when he's awake

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 09:27

He asked to throw water on you, you said yes , so he did it ?

And you hope all is forgotten today ?

You must be absolutely cockstruck on this prick

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