To think DH shouldn't have sent this text to his female friend

[stupidideastupididea]

'that's ok, welcome to borrow anything if you collect wearing that top again (wink smiley)'

He actually showed me the text thread as she'd borrowed something of ours and sent him a picture of her ds using it saying thanks. Apparently she was wearing a low cut top

Think he'd forgotten his reply when he showed me - I said I thought it was out of order and that she must think he's an old perv but he insists that she's known him years and won't take it seriously.

I don't think there is anything happening with her but AIBU to think it's disrespectful to her and me or do you think it's a harmless joke?

OP you could always ask him how he'd feel if you got that text from a male friend of yours. See if he still finds it OK.

Surely it's irrelevant if we think it's inappropriate-or even you for that matter, if you aren't going to actually do anything about it.

It doesn't matter what he has to say about it, I'd have thought the issue is whether you are happy with this disrespectful behaviour. If not, what are the consequences?
Also, if not, you need to make sure your OH knows the boundaries-and agrees to them.

I bet she is mortified

OP, has he ever done anything like this before? It seems very creepy and over familiar.

Carryondancing - Apart from telling him I don't think it's appropriate and I'm not comfortable with him saying that to her I'm not sure what else I can do now. We got to a bit of a stalemate where he said he wouldn't say stuff like that again if I didn't like it but was still saying he didn't think it was very bad.

I did actually ask that livid and predictably he said if it was an old friend saying it it wouldn't bother him.

Op - if a male 'old friend' collected something wearing really tight pants would he make a pervy comment about his pants?

I guess all you can do is make sure he knows it's a deal breaker now.
I'd be concerned that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. Did you also tell him how it's wrong from the perspective of the OW?
She deserved to be treated with respect too. The title of friend doesn't open her to being perved on.

I'd be keeping my spidey senses turned on to full from now on, it sounds like you need to keep an eye on him. Although, I believe that's no way to live. I really hope he's listened to you. You are more lenient than I would be!

If there is context to this, which there could be (and sometimes men forget to add that there is) it may not be that big of a deal. My DH once made the same sort of comment to a colleague over email about a dress. At first glance it looked incriminating, but when I understood the story it didn't.

She'd turned up at the restaurant his birthday party was at and couldn't find him and had sent him some texts saying things like "where are you all? I'm so embarrassed I'm wearing a red, revealing dress and I feel like a twat." DH hadn't got them at the time but replied over email the next day something like, "sorry I missed the dress, you'll have to wear it to the next party."

I just saw that as just continuing the joke...

Hi Hedgehead - no there isn't any other context, I assumed there was when I first read it as it sounded a bit strange but seems that he just noticed her top then felt the need to let her know.

He said that he hadn't mentioned it or obviously looked when she was there so she wouldn't have expected him to say anything like that either.

if she's known him for years and won't take it seriously (as he claims), makes me wonder why she didn't 'jokingly' reply back.

agree with hedgehead that if there was an underlying context that could well explain it. but OP i have got male friends that can say ANYTHING to me and vice versa but even jokingly, they wouldn't send me a text like that. It comes across as quite slimey and leery esp as its come out of the blue to her (as he didn't mention the top at the time she collected stuff).

def think it sounds disrespectful on his part to both you and the female friend.