To think DH shouldn't have sent this text to his female friend

[stupidideastupididea]

'that's ok, welcome to borrow anything if you collect wearing that top again (wink smiley)'

He actually showed me the text thread as she'd borrowed something of ours and sent him a picture of her ds using it saying thanks. Apparently she was wearing a low cut top

Think he'd forgotten his reply when he showed me - I said I thought it was out of order and that she must think he's an old perv but he insists that she's known him years and won't take it seriously.

I don't think there is anything happening with her but AIBU to think it's disrespectful to her and me or do you think it's a harmless joke?

[cloggal]

YANBU, boak.

[KeepCalmAndLOLKittens]

On what planet is that 'just a flirty joke'? Is that the same one where it 's ok for your DH to flirt with another woman? I'd be wanting to see previous messages tbh.

[CarryOnDancing]

Hugely inappropriate in all situations. Should she not at least be consulted if the deal to borrow something from your DH has to be rewarded with him perving over her?!!

[CarryOnDancing]

Even if his "friend" is happy with it, I assume you haven't been consulted about whether it's appropriate beforehand?!

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

Ewww

[softlysoftly]

The only way that's ok is if he would equally send a male friends

"Yep you can have the lawnmower any time if you come in your speedos "

Only he wouldn't because it's not "matey"

Does he like page 3 and call women birds by any chance?

[Barbaralovesroger]

I expect there's nothing in it but I still think he shouldn't have said it

[MistressDeeCee]

Bit sexist, isn't it? My male friends don't send me texts like that and Id tell them where to get off if they did. I presume they don't send me that kind of thing as we're good friends and they respect me.

[stupidideastupididea]

Thank you - and no he's not normally leery or anything like that which was why I was shocked

[Fairenuff]

If he's not normally leery, then he must have been genuinely trying to flirt with her.

[stupidideastupididea]

I don't know, it seems like it but I've always been confident about their relationship because he didn't flirt with her so now I'm worried why he'd suddenly start

[MyBaby1day]

DISGRACEFUL when he's married to you!. Do the same with a (single) guy you like! and let your DH see it.

[Heavitree]

The message is horribly sexist, old fashioned, whoever sent it to whom

I'd be appalled to receive this from anyone and keep away from them in future. You are right to chastise him.

If she continues to borrow despite this then she is a bit bonkers, or trying to borrow him! Discourage this friendship somehow - without suggesting to him that you are.

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

Of course it isn't a harmless joke.

At very least he's a slimeball who ogles his female friends' breasts and then makes comments.

At worst....well, who knows.

But if I saw such a text on dp's phone I would be hearing alarm bells loud and clear.

Unless he genuinely is a sleazebag with all women. Which you say he isn't.

(Obviously if he is, that's a whole other AIBU)

[VillaVillekulla]

Yanbu

[ExcuseTypos]

Oh dear.

You say he doesn't normally say things like that so I'd be asking why he suddenly felt the need to say it to her.

Whatever the answer I'd be telling him you don't particularly want a H who says such sleezy things, so could be please not do it again?

[Charley50]

Ive got a male friend who is generally very smutty and says things like this to all his female friends, but I imagine that if anyone married him they would know in advance that he was like this.
If my DP texted something like this it would make me feel insecure and pissed off.

[natwebb79]

Ewwww that is smutty. I have close male friends, one of which said 'is it mine again?' when I announced I was pregnant again. Difference was that is his humour and he said it as an obvious joke in front of DH. DH just laughed and said 'if it comes out with a beard we'll be round for maintenence

[ILaughWhenPeopleFallOver]

I can't imagine any of my male friends saying that to me and I definitely can't imagine Dh saying that to any of his female friends. Cos they just wouldn't. I be xtremely pissed off if I saw that text.

[Goldenhandshake]

I'd be raging tbh. Completely inappropriate, he is basically letting her know he was ogling her cleavage earlier that day. Not something that is in the 'friendship zone' imo.

[LiberalLibertine]

It's not something my dp would say at all, but you said the same didn't you? So yes, I'd be wondering why the sudden flirting too, and flirting it certainly is.

Imagine sending a text to a male friend saying.....you can borrow anything if you wear those jeans that show your cock bulge!

[FrontForward]

I know a few men who seem to think a 'flirty' comment is compulsory and qualifies their belonging to the male gender. I shudder as it's so Benny Hill but say nothing as I'd be accused of being uptight no doubt. I don't find it sexy of them, more slightly desperate.

[scarffiend]

Well given that he showed you the message, I would suspect there's nothing dodgy about their relationship, but I still think it was sleazy and totally inappropriate. How did the friend take it?

[FrontForward]

My experience is that the comment is made by either older men who are worried about their sexual prowess, younger men who need to prove it or someone trying to get it on with their target

[RedFocus]

My ex says things like that to me and I tell my dh who just thinks he's a perv and ignores it as do I.
My dh would never say anything like that to anyone except me of course
I don't blame you for being upset op and he shouldn't have said that. Totally crossing boundaries there I think.