This is quite long, as i want to give you a full picture of the situation so I can get the most suitable advice.
Normally my DSis and I go to visit our mum on saturdays and spend the day together with her and our respective children. DSis was not there this week as attending a party and Mum told me that the previous week (I was away) DSis had mentioned to my mum that her finances were a bit of a mess and she was going to ask me to lend her money to clear her overdraft and some credit card/store card debt.
I am not sure of the amount however Mum said thousands. Apparently she has an overdraft of £1500 which is always near the limit, 2 credit cards that she has maxed out to the tune of £2000/£3000 on each plus some store cards. She asked to use my mums credit card to pay the £600 balance remaining on a 3 week trip to attend her husbands sisters wedding end of august/start of september, this is apparently her part of the cost of this holiday, Mum declined as she is worried about her not being ale to pay it back.
I normally don't see my sister apart from a saturday but she has invited me to go out with her youngest child and my youngest child on wednesday and I am sure she is going to ask me for money. I am fortunate enough to be in a position to lend her some money, which she is aware of so I will feel bad saying no. I need to find a way to say no so it doesn't cause bad feeling, as she knows i am in a position to lend I am sure she will not be able to understand why.
I know NO is a complete sentence and all that but she is my little sister. I feel my NO needs to be explained in a way which will help her with her finances.
This is why I do not want to lend to her:
- A couple of years ago her Husbands mother passed away, leaving around 85-90k to EACH him and his 2 siblings, the minimum (25K + a little equity from previous house) was spent to get a mortgage and the payments are nearly £850 a month. The rest of the money has been wasted, concerts, holidays, Inc trip for her husband to cricket tour thing in AUS which cost about 10k, eating out, weekends away in expensive hotels. People who have 85-90k should not be in debt 2.5 years on, the spending is reckless.
-Her and her husband run finances separately, He works full time and does a lot of overtime, pays the mortgage and food bill and sky bill. the remaining bill are my sisters responsibility despite her not being at work, she was diagnosed with MS a couple of years ago, she spent the first year and a half in part time employment but it was too hard for her and she had to keep having time off sick. She gets DLA but sacrificed this for a mobility car or she would not be able to go anywhere (3yr/4yr children). As she sacrificed the DLA for the car the only income she has is child benefit and child tax credit to pay for council tax, water, electric, gas, her mobile, her clothes and hair cuts, children's clothes and hair cuts. Am sure this is where the debt is coming from as what she has coming in doesn't cover the out goings so she has used overdraft/credit cards/ store cards.
-Her husband runs different races nearly every week at the moment, he is apparently incapable of getting himself to his races on public transport or a lift with one of his many running buddies and needs to be driven by my sister with the children in tow, the wait where ever he is running and drive him home. this could mean driving average of an hour there and back (sometimes a bit more or less) and she is expected to put petrol in the car as it is hers. She cannot afford to do this.
-Next weekend they are going to Brighton so he can run the go Friday and won't return until sunday eve, spending 2 nights in a hotel/ going out on the sat for the day/ eating out. Same for London marathon whole weekend, hotels, eating out and a theatre trip. This will be paid for by him (apart from petrol) but in my opinion if you insist on running finances as they do if one partner doesn't have money and in debt then that money would be better spent clearing the debt.
-The wedding holiday that she asked to use my mums credit card for (which totalled 5K) has been partly paid for (3k) by her husbands brother about a year ago under the understanding that it was to be paid back monthly starting Jan this year. They are now not speaking as the money isn't being paid back but clearly with all the weekends away with the running they have money, it is not as if the literally can't afford it.
I don't want to fall out with my sister if she didn't pay me back.
I want to explain that these reasons are why I can't lend her money. And discuss with her what is going on with her finances to help her see that they are a family and should really run the finances accordingly. I am also sure that her husbands uses credit cards a fair bit as even though he does a lot of overtime I can't see how it would be enough to totally cover 'his' bills, personal expenditure and all these trips now the inheritance is gone and I am worried the at some point maybe not to far down the line they will bother be in financial shit and maybe loose their house.
If it was not for my 2 DNs I wouldn't be as concerned as I am. I can just see my 2 lovely DNs loosing the home they love, maybe have to change school if unable to stay in area, be forced to re home their 3 cats should the house be lost. So I really need to say something constructive/helpful to help her make her situation better rather than bailing her out, risk her not paying me back, and running up more debts because the issues which caused them in the first place are still there.
Sorry it is so long, thanks for reading and I hope you lovely ladies can give me some good advice to help my sister out