feeling unloved on mothers day

[christine44]

Not sure why I'm surprised but husband did nothing to make today special. Kids look bit embarrassed at lack of even a card. Should be used to it but really hurts. Sorry to be soself indulgent but would really like to feel that someone noticed me. Just want to feel loved

"In which case it has absolutely nothing to do with Mother's Day at all."

I said earlier that this was probably the tip of an iceberg. These things generally are and what we get here is some 'last straw' moment. An OP that not only feels 'self-indulgent' (her words) for wanting to be noticed by her own family on the one day of the year that is notionally dedicated to mothers but who is also expecting to be ignored.... that's a very sad person indeed.

If there are issues in the marriage which makes a person feel not valued, than that has a much deeper meaning than whether or not getting a gift. But that doesn't mean not getting anything today is any different. It is the expectation created that that day in the year is meant to make you feel special, yes you will feel like that. So why put so much importance into it? Isn't it much more thoughtful to surprise someone when they don't expect it? Or tell the person you love him/her? Tell them how blessed you are to have them in your life? If that NEVER happens, then yes, you need to reconsider how much the person values you. But to use Mother's day as a bench mark, then many women should be divorcing their husbands.

So, there are households where the husband is schlepping off to his mother's on Mother's Day, with card and gift, but it hasn't occurred to him that his own wife is a mother to the DC that's going to grandma's with him - words fail me. I certainly wouldn't contribute in any way to the mission.

I feel guilty as although not a proper mummy my own mum got me a gift card off my dog who is my baby.

To all the proper mummy s happy mothers day. Your doing a. Brilliant job xxx

Of course some people use Mothers Day as a benchmark for how they are treated by their family. Same as some dissatisfied people use New Years Eve as a benchmark for how crap their life is going or some single people can't face Valentine's Day because it highlights how lonely they are. You could argue that if they've been lonely 364 days previously why should one arbitrary date in the calendar have any significance, but it does.

I repeat. If it's important to the OP it's significant.

What an awful situation for you OP.

I get that this isn't ALL about Mother's Day but personally I think that in a family where everyone respects eachother and appreciates eachother that there would have been at least a card and some flowers given whether you believe in the day or not.
I have spoilt my mum rotten because she is so good to me and my DS, not because it's Mother's Day but just because I want her to know we love her and make her feel special!

No, you don't HAVE to spoil mums on Mother's Day, but if it makes them happy and makes them feel appreciated who really gives a shit that it's a money making day?
Christmas is the biggest money making holiday going and we all go barmy for that to spoil children rotten, so why not spoil our lovely mums for a day in the year
It doesn't have to cost much, my dad said he used to make a card and pick flowers from the garden! That's all it takes a small gesture for a woman who bends over backwards for her family all year round!

I agree with Foxinthedesert - depressing that some many people seem to hang so much on a marketing concept. My DC did not even know it was happening, nor did DH, and I was only aware it was one day soon because of all the hype in Waitrose, Tesco etc. I had a text form my DSD which was lovely, but I certainly wouldn't have noticed or minded if she hadn't...

Had a nice afternoon with kids romping through the couuntryside in the sun. Husband feeling pretty guilty. Even offered to cook tonight. Funnily enough I have never gone in for massive fuss on md but we have a really busy life and I just wanted to feel special on this one day. Dont reslly get a birthday as share it with my ds and its a fsr more important day for a kid than a middle age woman who's wondering where the years have gone. Thanks for all your comments made me feel much less Iirrational

"It's depressing that so many people hang on to a marketing concept?"
Isn't that the same for everything?

Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Father's Day, Mother's Day, baby showers, weddings, engagements, anniversaries.

I'm sure everybody cares about at least one of those. I don't feel there is anything wrong with hoping for a little gift on Mother's Day or any of these occasions.
There IS something wrong however with expecting expensive material gifts.
A home made card and even a nice poem/ a few flowers picked from that garden is enough.
Or even a few nice words and a cup of tea!

All of those occasions that are money making marketing concepts are excuses for me to spoil the people I love. Whether I spend a lot of money or spend a lot of time making something, in the end it's all about making them feel happy!

Nice to hear your day turned out better OP

It's never nice to feel unappreciated and I hope they have realised how they made you feel!

Reading these threads is just so, so sad.

The thought that receiving just a cup of tea in bed is so rare or doesn't happen; these 'D'Ps need to sort their sh*t out.

I could of wrote your opening post,,, my youngest is 14 eldest 25,,,, not a text, phone call nothing,,,,my husband bought cards on their behalf and wrote them, my husband bought me flowers,,,,three of my children work,,,, all I want was an I love you, or a cup of tea,,,,, they now keep looking at me funny,,, and asking what's for tea!!!!!!

Fox - I see where you are coming from but I think if a women knows she is appreciated as a woman and wife and mother then it does not matter so much if she receives nothing. Same with valentine's cards.

It is when the woman, wife , mother is unappreciated and it brings it home on Mothers Day when no one in the family thinks to do anything for her. I agree it is all commercialised but it must hurt like hell as it underlines how unappreciated they are. Yes a card and some manky flowers shouldn't matter in the great scheme of things, but would it hurt one day a year to say "Thanks Mum?". Especially if husband and kids are all physically, financially able to buy said card and a pressie or even just a card/cup of tea/lunch made/big rib cracking squeeze/smacker on lips/whatever.

I spent the day going off to cry when no one was watching. DS 7 made me a card, DD 5 drew a picture but was upset she hadn't given me a present. Husband got drunk the night before, pissed himself so I had to deal with piss all over the carpet and screwed up soiled clothes. I never have cards or presents and I hate him and have no one to talk to.

That's a sad story Janieben and no-one should have to put up with that behaviour. What's stopping you throwing him out and starting fresh with your DCs?

I forced my 14 yr old Dsis to buy my mum some chocolates, since I was the first out of 4 kids to acknowledge MD.

I bought her a big Azalea plant for her garden, and my DD got her a little pot plant.

Huge debt and the children are stopping me leaving and the feeling of perhaps it's just me. Everyone thinks he's a great guy but I think he's a self centred slob who has no consideration for me. I don't find him attractive and never feel he 'has my back'. The only thing he really does with the children is play computer or watch films. He sleeps a lot and I'm forever having to tell the children to be quiet so they are growing up with Daddy in bed stopping us from doing things. He's always 'what about me?'. He blames it all on our sex life but I only sleep with him if I have to. I try to look after myself and do things which make me happy but I feel I really need a best friend who 'gets' me. I have some good friends but no one with that really comfortable 'click'.

You should probably start your own thread Janieben. Huge debts can be fixed. Children know when a relationship is on the skids. You only get one shot at life so it's best not to waste it.

Janieben

That's awful behaviour.

Sorry, I agree with Owl and some other posters, at 14 and 12, the two eldest are absolutely old enough to do something for Mothering Sunday. That bit about "not being near shops" is total rubbish. They and even the 9 year old could have MADE a card at home without any assistance from the husband and, quite honestly, something has gone seriously wrong with the parenting if none of the kids made an effort off their own back by that age.

My Dh has made an issue on Mother's Day for the last several years. I ate breakfest one morning and he yelled at me when he woke up saying that I ruined his plan cause I ate. This year, I said I am done. My kids make me a card every year and I bought my own gift and will give it to him to give it to him to give them to give to me. I get what I want and no fighting. It isn't perfect, but I have learned that no expectations mean no disappointments.

my ex scheduled himself to have the our toddlers on mothers day, arranged to take them to his mother's for the afternoon, didn't get a card from the children and said I was a selfish, self centred, evil princess for sloping off home to feel crap all day by myself (I didn't feel like hanging around helping him get them ready for granny's big day). It happened last year too, and the year they were born he didn't visit me in hospital until the evening because it was - guess what? Mothers Day and he wanted to be with his mum! And he keeps saying he wants to get our family back together. I feel a bit guilty, but should I?

From previous experience, I knew my dh wouldn't make much of an effort so I pre-empted this years and arranged to go out with my own mum for the day (after footballing duty), bought ready made pizzas to bung in the oven for little family get together after. Still secretly hoped for presents that showed thought (kids are young, made bits at school that I loved) but dh bought me a tray (?!?!?) and a mug with kids names on - which turned out to be something his mum got for him as her friend makes them. I'm not after expensive but thoughtful. However, I know him too well to not get too disappointed. Some men are just not good at this stuff. Hope your meal cooked by dh was lovely OP!

Nancy No, you shouldnt, arsehole ex didnt seem to think you as a mother and he sounds like a selfish prick.