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Original poster

Can you stay with someone whose political ideas you totally disagree with?

38 replies

ruiningrelationship · 18/08/2006 15:28

I knew dh was quite right thinking in certain political areas but its never really been an issue until recently.
Its all come about due to the current Middle East crisis on the news. We just can't watch the news without having a huge row. His views (pro Bush, pro Israeli etc) really, really piss me off to the extent that I don't want to talk to him. You would think he was a Daily Mail reader the way he goes on sometimes.
In all other areas, he really is a lovely person and I find it hard to believe that he has certain views that are totally opposite to mine.
I can't reconcile the fact that some one with these views is my normally lovely husband and the father of my child.

OP posts:
Tinker · 18/08/2006 15:31

Would find it difficult, tbh. In fact, simply couldn't be with a tory even though I'm sure some must be nice people.

sleepycat · 18/08/2006 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyCandles · 18/08/2006 15:36

Dh and I also disagree over Israel. Our compromise is that we don't discuss it, but watch the news in relative silence. I wish we could talk openly about it - it's never good to have a barrier to communication, but it's a compromise I am willing to make ATM because of all the other good things in our lives and our general good fit together.

Callisto · 18/08/2006 15:43

My partner is a total socialist labour supporter and I am a total true-blue tory and we get on just fine and have done for 11 years.

Tinker, your attitude is ridiculous and like saying 'I simply couldn't be with a labourite even though I am sure some of them must be sane'. Personally, if I had voted for the current government I would be completly ashamed of myself.

Tinker · 18/08/2006 15:47

Callisto - a bit of a sense of humour bypass there, I think.

PrettyCandles · 18/08/2006 15:49

It depends on how much politics is part of your day-to-day life. If dh and I didn't agree on how we want to bring up our children, then maybe we couldn't live together, but as neither of us is a politician, or politically active, then our politics are hardly relevant to our relationship. I suspect that when we first got together we were at opposite ends of the red-blue spectrum, but are actually approaching each other now.

Carmenere · 18/08/2006 15:53

I disagree with dp about quite a bit of political stuff but as long as he respects my right to disagree and hold different opinions from him it's not a problem.

Callisto · 18/08/2006 16:00

You meant to be sarcastic? Didn't read that way to me. But yes, I do have a sense of humour failure when I come across this attitude towards the Tory party and their supporters.

Redlorry75 · 18/08/2006 16:24

Could'nt you just say as I do that I wish for world peace, and that all man-made crisis, like war and terrorism be resolved immediatley so we can concentrate on saving the planet.

After all whats the good of fighting for power if there's nothing left to fight over at the end of the day.

DH and I do sway the same way for politics and think most politicians, when in the spotlight, are no better than a bunch of 5-yearold in the playground arguing over marbles!

LaDiDaDi · 18/08/2006 16:30

Dp and I don't always agree about political stuff but I love the fact that he has an opinion, not just about politics but about other stuff that's in the news. Ex-h never had an opinion about anything politics/current affairs wise. It's difficult to get passionate about stuff when you are met with "I'm not bothered" as a response. I would rather be with someone I could debate stuff with, even if we disagree, so long as the rest of the relationship was good.

HyacinthB · 18/08/2006 16:34

I confess Callisto I used to have the same attitude toward tories (referring to them as rabid tories - I think it was a throw back to remembering Thatcher as I abhorred the woman) until we got more and more affluent and found myself gravitating towards the tory wets...

Re the question - if you are highly politicised then opposing views withing a relationship could drive a wedge. If you are politically apathetic (as I am) then unless dh became a fascist / nazi it wouldn't bother me

singledadofthree · 18/08/2006 16:41

not quite the same but i am a typical 'love all, serve all, save the planet type' with no political affiliations - cos they're all as bad as each other but with differing agendas. my best mate is a bnp/nf supporter/activist. we are both well aware of each others beliefs and values, but would never allow other peoples views, which become our politics get in the way of us being mates. would expect the same to work in any relationship, depends what is considered more important.

ScummyMummy · 18/08/2006 16:45

Why is it ridiculous to say that you suspect you would find it difficult to be with a person whose politics you find abhorrent, callisto? Makes perfect sense to me. The personal can be political- it's not like disliking someone's music collection.

Redlorry75 · 18/08/2006 16:46

Singledadofthree, I agree - they are all as bad as each other.
Lets send them all to a deserted island and see how tough George Bush is then when he doesnt have the armies of the western world to stand behind. Will Tony Blair still be his friend then?

Blandmum · 18/08/2006 16:48

I couldn't love or respect someone who was racist or a sexist.

I couldn't say, 'Well he goes out campaning for the BNP, but he is such a nice bloke' To me, being in the BNP would make him a prize wanker.

Ditto someone who didn't treat me an as equal.

olivia35 · 18/08/2006 16:48

Now why would a 'true-blue tory' object to the current government, I wonder...

I can be friends with someone of spectacularly different views - one of my best mates is very pro Countryside Alliance, & I'm afraid I think they're pondlife. We both quite enjoy arguing about it.

I wouldn't be able to cope if I hugely disagreed with dh though. Big difference between a 'heated debate' over a pint with a mate, & fundamentally different worldview in the father of your children. I suppose the only answer would be PrettyCandles' compromise of not discussing issues that'll only wind you both up.

ScummyMummy · 18/08/2006 16:49

Are you serious or stirring singledadof3? You must be joking right?

ScummyMummy · 18/08/2006 16:50

Well, quite, mb. The man must be having a laugh, no?

iota · 18/08/2006 16:52

my bro and his wife have quite different political views - they've been together for 18 yrs, so it's not an insurmountable problem for them

Blandmum · 18/08/2006 16:52

Rather like saying, 'but old Adolf is so kind to his dog and is wonderful in a parade'.

hmmmm

expatinscotland · 18/08/2006 17:06

Probably not, b/c my political beliefs are a reflection of my core values.

But I wouldn't have married someone who felt so differently to me on really important issues.

I did try to go out w/a really conservative bloke, but it didn't work b/c he was very chauvinistic.

Dior · 18/08/2006 17:19

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 18/08/2006 17:20

my comment was towards this post

'my best mate is a bnp/nf supporter/activist. we are both well aware of each others beliefs and values, but would never allow other peoples views, which become our politics get in the way of us being mates'

CountessDracula · 18/08/2006 17:23

No I don't think I could. But then I don't think I would have married someone like that anyway

Dior · 18/08/2006 17:24

Message withdrawn