Can you stay with someone whose political ideas you totally disagree with?

[ruiningrelationship]

I knew dh was quite right thinking in certain political areas but its never really been an issue until recently.
Its all come about due to the current Middle East crisis on the news. We just can't watch the news without having a huge row. His views (pro Bush, pro Israeli etc) really, really piss me off to the extent that I don't want to talk to him. You would think he was a Daily Mail reader the way he goes on sometimes.
In all other areas, he really is a lovely person and I find it hard to believe that he has certain views that are totally opposite to mine.
I can't reconcile the fact that some one with these views is my normally lovely husband and the father of my child.

I've got friends who hold different political opinions. But I think it would be impossible to even go out, let alone set up home, with someone who had fundamentally different values.

I started to post several times, then deleted - am bit pissed off actually but we'll let it go.

The most sensible post on here is this one:

By Carmenere on Friday, 18 August, 2006 3:53:11 PM
I disagree with dp about quite a bit of political stuff but as long as he respects my right to disagree and hold different opinions from him it's not a problem.

I couldn't stay with someone who didn't have a sense of humour and certain musical tastes would create very shaky ground

I think all couples disagree about something, well probably lots and lots of things!

I don't think different political preferences would bother me so long as OH didn't expect me to change my views to his way of thinking. I also wouldn't back him up in an argument unless I truely agreed with what he was saying (unless of course I didn't like the person he was arguing with!)

I am quite taken aback, sometimes, by the divergence between my views and my partner's -he's not the sort of rabid lefty I've usually gone for - but fundamentally our values are very similar. I would find it virtually impossible to share my life with someone different, I think.

I would suggest that the secret here is not to agree on everything, but to accept that you are differenet in some ways without trying to convince each other that you are right IYSWIM!

At the end of the day, these are personal views that are unlikely ever to change the world you are living in and as such I would probably take the approach of keeping my view to myself and expecting dh to do the same - talk about these things with people who share you views, friends, relatives etc but leave dh out of it!

If were were all the same how boreing would that be.
DP does not beleive in god i do
Dp and i think TOTALLY different things about most things but it makes life more intresting and makes us look at things from each others points of view even if we decide we do not agree/ approve/ undrestand it.

i'm with sobernow too. i need to agree on basic fundamental principles - politics, child-rearing, attitude to money - in order to have a strong relationship. we have lots of different interests that give us our conversation points, and the odd political argument is good. but i have to fundamentally agree with my dh.

I have thought about this quite a lot - and in fact was talking to dh about it the otehr night - and we came to a conclusion along the lines of MI - politics are very often not about underlying values - politics are fickle - you only have to look at the transformation of the labour party to know that, they are very often about different means and methods to see very similar values realised. We are very tribal in our approach to politics and in many ways that's because it's easier to dismiss those in a different place on the spectrum as not having the same values - as being fundamentally different from us - because that's the end of the discussion. If, however, you accept that someone in a different political place to you actually wants the same things - then you have to engage in the nitty gritty - which is much harder. dh and I absolutely share the same values - our underlying morality is the same, the way we would like the UK and the world to be, is the same, but we do sometimes differ as to the best way to achieve them. Politics is a means to an end. so - in answer to the original question - there are times when I feel dh and I are distant but I know there are values underlying are different opinions that unite us. and it makes for interesting conversation...

oh my lord our. (dh doesn;t share my pedantry...but I forgive hime)

him even....

I think that if your views are so different the only way you can reconcile is not to talk about them at all then you are in a difficult place. My parent do not talk about religion, politics or money on these grounds, and I don't think it is very healthy, as they both have plenty of views on these areas and they are (obviously) important! I don't think it is about who you vote for (my parents always say this is between them and the ballot box, although it's fairly obvious who they vote for!) but the more fundamental things in life. If you suddenly discover that your partner has fundamentally different views from you then I do think that's a problem. Not necessarily something you can do about though.