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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dp has gone home in a huff

75 replies

Confusedbytechnology · 29/03/2014 21:13

Please be gentle as I am so upset.
We have been going through some serious issues outside our relationship.
Today our plans got messed up and he basically went off in a huff. He won't talk on the phone just says he needs some space and we will be ok etc.
Thing is I have something very stressful happening on Monday and I feel really let down by him. I have supported him lately through very tough times and feel this should be reciprocated.
I am tearful and probably won't sleep as we rarely spend a night apart. I really want to drive over there but think that will annoy him.
Thoughts?

OP posts:

Original poster

Confusedbytechnology · 31/03/2014 15:49

Hi
Had no news about the thing I'm worried about yet. Dp is still not being that supportive and I'm very angry now.
Other friends have rallied round.
I think you were all right really and I have to end it. I love him dearly but he's not giving me what I need.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 31/03/2014 15:53

I'm so sorry you're going through this - it must be a very difficult time for you

Feeling angry is a positive thing - you're starting to view things objectively by the sounds of it, and you've obviously got friends who really care for you and who are providing the emotional and practical support you need. Focus on them, and on yourself and your DD - and then decide if he deserves you, after all this.

Original poster

Confusedbytechnology · 31/03/2014 15:58

Thanks
I have 2 daughters that I feel I've let down
The news is about possible losing of a part time job I have. Fortunately not main source of income but we will struggle without it and have to probably get ex husband to help support us.
The loss is because of dp well possible as don't know yet. It's been such a difficult few months and have supported dp a lot. I just feel he can only focus on his own pain

OP posts:

tribpot · 31/03/2014 16:10

So you've been with this guy for 4 months and already he may have cost you your job? I have to say, I don't think I'd be very sympathetic to your plight if I were your ex-H.

This guy is going to suck you dry if you let him.

SirChenjin · 31/03/2014 16:14

Oh my goodness

I think it's time you cut this man out of your life completely, hard though it may be. You've got time to get out - look after your DDs and run for the hills. He's a bad 'un - there are lots of decent men out there, so don't waste any more energy, time or emotion on this leech.

newlifeforme · 31/03/2014 16:14

This does seem very unhealthy and you may benefit from counselling.The feelings you have of abandonment are strong and no doubt painful but I guess relate to something in your past.It would be wise to get this sorted before you embark on another relationship.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/03/2014 16:16

You may lose your job because of your BF? Because of the crime? What is it?

OP he sounds like a waste of space. Four months into a relationship you should be walking hand in hand in the woods, going out and having fun, having a laugh, getting to know one another.

Not taking on the burden of each others life long problems, and causing each other stress and grief.

Try and think clearly about this. And make a sensible decision

KellyElly · 31/03/2014 16:18

I have 2 daughters that I feel I've let down They come first. You will have nothing left emotionally for them. A four month relationship should be fun, not dragging you down and ending up with you losing your job. You have to focus on your children and if you are having to focus on him too, who's focusing on you? You may as well be alone as although it may be a bit lonely at least it will not be emotionally draining.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2014 16:19

4 months in and it's this hard!???
As a PP said - don't confuse pity with love.

Bitofkipper · 31/03/2014 16:57

300 posts on your thread previously about this man which you chose to ignore. Glowbuggy is correct; this man is a convicted sex offender and a name change alters nothing. You are your (and your daughters) own worst enemy. Shocking.

LIZS · 31/03/2014 17:05

honestly , he has let you down , again . Cut your losses and move on , hopefully with your job and self respect intact. He sounds childish and selfish and I would be doubtful whether all that he has told you is true, he comes across as having a real victim mentality.

wannabestressfree · 31/03/2014 17:18

If what bitofkipper says is true that I am truly shocked you would put yourself and your children through this. Your self esteem must be on the floor....

chocolatespiders · 31/03/2014 17:46

As a mum of 2 girls they aret priority snd your children should be as well.. No man is worth risking your children's well being..
You must have your own reasons but I can not understand why you would be involved with a sex offender, are your child now on at risk register because of this relationship?

AnyFucker · 31/03/2014 18:55

OP, is this the sex offender or not ?

yourehavingalaugh · 31/03/2014 18:57

How can you 'love him dearly' after only four months?

Not only that, if he is actually a sex offender, I think you have much bigger things to worry about than him storming off 'in a huff.' Like your job. And your children. OMG.

Bogeyface · 31/03/2014 19:09

Selfish, self obsessed, attention seeking, criminal loner who may have cost you your job.....after 4 months?

Forget him, YOU need help if you think this is in anyway a good person to be with.

Dump him, now. Get yourself some counselling to figure out why you have wasted time on this loser and dont date until you are able to spot a twat when you see one.

SirChenjin · 31/03/2014 19:12

Please tell us he isn't a sex offender

stackablegoatbearingcheesecake · 31/03/2014 19:38

Oh is this the relationship where the OP wanted to sell a house and move DP in after absolutely not time at all?

OP, I think you sound as though you've been infatuated rather than deeply in love

TalisaMaegyr · 31/03/2014 20:45

OP, why won't you answer the pertinent questions on the thread? I never understand why people start threads but won't give the information needed in order for people to help them. It just comes across as disingenuous

Bitofkipper · 31/03/2014 20:57

OP, when you live alone you are entitled to do anything you like as long as you only hurt yourself in the process.
When you have your children living with you, they must be protected from outsiders. You knew this man's history months ago.
You are a professional woman. Act like it. He is not even there for you when you need him.
This has been a terrible mistake on your part, don't compound it.

EirikurNoromaour · 01/04/2014 08:33

You barely know him. You think you love him but you barely know him. You have two kids and he's lost you the means to support them - what are you thinking? And if he's a sex offender then you are a disgrace.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/04/2014 09:33

Please call Women's Aid - or go on line and sign up to the 'Freedom Programme'
It's better to do it face to face in a class but you can complete on line - anything will help right now.
You have such low self esteem to be putting yourself and your DC through this and you need some help to address why you don't see the hundreds of huge, massive, waving red flags here.
It's not healthy. Your GP could also help you - please make an appointment.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2014 09:44

Good god - OP please tell us that you are not the poster who found out their "DP" was on the sex offenders register a few weeks back?! Please tell me you are not still with this man! If it is you then I'm sorry you are utterly pathetic. That's the best word I can think of to describe you that doesn't involve swearing

If it's not you, I apologise, but he still sounds like a waste of space

struggling100 · 01/04/2014 14:19

OP, I don't want to sound harsh as I know you're hurting, but this all reads like a melodramatic script, rather than real life and part of me wonders if you are someone who enjoys drama. You are a mum with the responsibility for two young children... there is no way you should be trusting a guy to this extent so early on in a relationship. Four months in, and you're unable to sleep because he's not there? Really? Four months in, and you're willing to sacrifice your family livelihood for him, plunging yourself and your kids into poverty? Seriously? I honestly think you need to check your priorities.

BeCool · 01/04/2014 14:26

You have been together 4 months and you have young children?

Run like the wind away from this man and out of this relationship. Let go of the melodrama. This relationship is not going anywhere positive for anyone.

My Mum moved someone she knew to be a convicted sex offender in with us when I was 12. I wasn't physically abused by him but I never forgave her, it pretty much destroyed my relationship with my mother.

Now I am a 47yo woman - so much of my life was tainted by/fucked up by her stupid naive needy decision back then (based on her low self esteem & belief she was in love with this nasty man - she wasn't and he was just using her. Today we would say she was groomed.) and my inability to get free from all the shit that went on for years and years and years.

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