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Original poster

Dp has gone home in a huff

75 replies

Confusedbytechnology · 29/03/2014 21:13

Hi

Please be gentle as I am so upset.
We have been going through some serious issues outside our relationship.
Today our plans got messed up and he basically went off in a huff. He won't talk on the phone just says he needs some space and we will be ok etc.
Thing is I have something very stressful happening on Monday and I feel really let down by him. I have supported him lately through very tough times and feel this should be reciprocated.
I am tearful and probably won't sleep as we rarely spend a night apart. I really want to drive over there but think that will annoy him.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/03/2014 22:17

Goodness OP, you've been together hardly any time at all to even get to know each other. I know you're upset and I'm sorry. It's hard when you feel like you want to 'fix' somebody but it is not your job. He's an adult and I'd be a little bit wary of being so 'all in' with somebody who doesn't behave very well to you in the low times. He has a whole list of 'damages' there.

Sorry to say this but from your post, he doesn't sound like a man in love.

Do you have other children or just your daughter?

tribpot · 29/03/2014 22:18

We have only been together for four months

Oh dear. This is not good at all, OP. You don't really know each other at all. His hard times long pre-date you, yet you feel he is unable to cope without you? Despite the fact that he did so before you met.

It sounds like your relationship is in a pressure cooker. This heightens emotions ( we fell in love quite quickly ) but will burn you out.

To practical matters - who else can support you on Monday?

As to driving over there - please don't. He's asked for space and you should respect that.

Original poster
Confusedbytechnology · 29/03/2014 22:20

No I haven't but we have exchanged a few texts now.
I know I can't fix him and that his problems predate me. We are great 99% of the time and he is kind and loving.

OP posts:
tribpot · 29/03/2014 22:22

Who can support you on Monday, OP? Forget him for a minute and consider your own needs.

SirChenjin · 29/03/2014 22:26

He's and kind and loving 4 months into the relationship. You're getting glimpses of what he will be like 14 months in - and it's not pretty.

He needs help - but you're not qualified to give it to him. I suspect that you are so infatuated with this man though that nothing we can say as neutral outsiders looking in will sway you.

Original poster
Confusedbytechnology · 29/03/2014 22:37

I think that's a bit harsh
Yes I think he could use some professional help. But then so could I really.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 29/03/2014 22:43

Perhaps harsh is what you need in order to see this relationship is not healthy? There are enough on here who have gone through exactly what you're going through now - learn from them, and if nothing else, think about whether or not this is the kind of person you want your daughter to see you involved with.

TheGrassIsSinging · 29/03/2014 22:46

Four months? I'll be honest - it all sounds a bit unhealthy. Rarely soending a night apart, 'I am the ONLY person he has got' etc...after only four months? Maybe time to put the brakes on and let each other breathe...

TheWickerWoman · 29/03/2014 22:51

You haven't been together long, don't take it to heart.

Just let the guy have some chill time and you do the same. Its only one night and sometimes we need a bit of space to clear our heads.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/03/2014 22:55

OP, are you a bit of a mess yourself? Are you lonely, or have you had previous abusive relationships? You don't sound very psychologically healthy if you are obsessed with this tantrum-throwing knob after only four months.

What crime did he commit, by the way? And have you had any independent confirmation (ie newspaper reports) as to the circumstances? Some crimes are a lot more understandable and forgivable than others.

Original poster
Confusedbytechnology · 30/03/2014 02:14

He's been on whatsapp a bit tonight which is v unusual so now I'm worried about who he's been talking to.
I have lots of friends etc so don't think I'm lonely really. Just love him and am hurting.

OP posts:
Glowbuggy · 30/03/2014 02:22

Haaaang on. Your not the poster that about a month ago posted that a friend found out that your boyfriend of 3 months was convicted of underage sex crimes? After he'd met your two teenage daughters?
It is isn't it?

Glowbuggy · 30/03/2014 02:22

He was probably talking to underage girls.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/03/2014 07:56

When boyfriends storm off in a huff the correct reaction is 'screw him'. Hmm Don't chase after people who don't want to be with you because it's demeaning. If he has problems, they are his responsibility and NEVER an excuse to be mean to others.

hamptoncourt · 30/03/2014 08:14

Confused I do not know if you are the poster glow refers to but I can see you have posted about this relationship/man before saying he has been unsupportive.

This is just four measly months into a relationship. It's all still supposed to be hearts and roses at this stage you know. Far too much drama.

Unless that's the way you like it?

chocolatespiders · 30/03/2014 08:24

Others are right anything you have to chase is not worth it- I have been guilty in the past of this and it is hard to break free from but so with it when you do.

chocolatespiders · 30/03/2014 08:35

-worth it when you do!

ThefutureMrsTatum · 30/03/2014 09:01

If what glowbuggy said is correct, then LEAVE HIM!!

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 30/03/2014 09:09

Your a grown woman and shouldn't be this dependent on somebody after four months. If what glow buddy said is true then you shouldn't be with him at all.

EdithWeston · 30/03/2014 09:13

It's only 4 months.

Who would you have called on last year for support for Monday? Call them now.

ArtexMonkey · 30/03/2014 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdithWeston · 30/03/2014 09:21

Glowbuggy I don't think it's that poster - I searched.

But she has posted about him before, an sounded just as confused/stressed/unsupported a month ago. (Patched over by great sex).

The problem then is the same problem as now. OP, you've acknowledged it for a quarter of your short liaison with him

Good relationships aren't like this.

Casmama · 30/03/2014 09:27

This will sound harsh but you sound like a teenager!
He wants some space so give him some- lots of it in fact and find someone else to support you on Monday.

Do you really think it is a coincidence that he is being a knob when you most need support?

Consider what you are showing your daughter about relationships.

KurriKurri · 30/03/2014 10:39

You have been together for four months and already he is making you feel like shit - he will continue to do so, because he sounds like an emotional leech. If you stay together he will gradually erode your confidence and feelings of self worth -I've been there and it's tough task to get back from losing your identity because you are constantly pandering to someone else's needs.

I stuck with it for years, if I'd known what I know now, I'd have got out years ago before I became badly damaged. You are only four months in give yourself a chance to get back to who you were before him, and move on with your life.

stackablegoatbearingcheesecake · 30/03/2014 21:21

I'm sorry OP as you did say be gentle, but with your best interests at heart it seems from what you write that you've massively overinvested far too quickly and are on a hiding to nothing.

If you continue with this relationship then I fear you're getting a taste of what's stored up for you from here in.

Hope you get on better than you expect to tomorrow.

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