'D'P has just ended our relationship

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Because I won't let his EA parents look after our 10 week old DS (bf) without me there.
His parents well and truly screwed him, and his brother, up. Controlling, PA, every trick in the book.
Now he says we won't work.

And please still log this with the police. It could be of real importance the next time he decided he wants to split, and goes through with it - when he goes to court to try and get joint custody etc., having on record that he has violent tendencies and is careless around your baby is going to be enormously helpful to you.

Excessive drinking.
Tantrums.
Intransigent demands re baby.
Throwing things at you.
Dictatorial parents.
Rollercoaster moods.

You didn't cause this, my love. His parents did ... and they are still causing it, because he hasn't the nerve or the insight to deal with it. Even if he did, such things take years of hard & often distressing therapy. Would you want your baby's most formative years to happen the middle of all this?

I feel for him, I really do. But you can't make him better, and he can't protect his child or you from his parents.

What Garlic says is what's behind what I said earlier OP, your only hope would be if he drops everything now and has an epiphany, combined with a complete acceptance and understanding that he has been manipulated by his parents and he will put you before them every time.

Anything less will be such hard work it won't be worth it.

When he says you bring out the worst in him he is putting you on notice that he feels no obligation to watch his behavior, and also that you are responsible for what he does, not him.

Does that sound fair, or mature, to you?

If that's want you really want to do OP then don't tell him you are giving him an ultimatum. He can easily behave himself for a month to make sure you stick around. Then beyond that, what will he throw at you and the baby in his next tantrum? Is it worth the risk?

If one member of the family is behaving abusively toward the other members, be it verbally, physically, emotionally or all of the above then the family is already broken.

We're currently staying at his parents (5 hour drive - Mother's Day weekend)
Right now I'm in bed bf ing over stimulated baby (excited gps, videoing him on iPhone, noisy toys, noisy talking to him in native language which I don't bloody understand) and he's chatting away with them, in their room!! It's just weird

oh dear, you be feeling so uncomfortable :(
use breastfeeding as an excuse to get some space this weekend as much as you can. Those pesky growth spurts and cluster feeds!

*you must be

When he says you bring out the worst in him he is putting you on notice that he feels no obligation to watch his behavior, and also that you are responsible for what he does, not him.

This. This is exactly what he's doing. He is absolving himself of responsibility. He is giving himself permission to treat you badly. And he will do it again :(

When he says you bring out the worst in him he is putting you on notice that he feels no obligation to watch his behavior, and also that you are responsible for what he does, not him

If he doesn't do it again, i'll eat my hat op

Good luck

I guess I'm biding my time... Don't know what I'll do on a practical level, houses etc.
this is grim. Now in lounge with punjabi TV on, dp and mum only speaking in punjabi.
Will try and escape to a park soon!

Report this thread and ask for it to be moved to Relationships, OP.

How did you end up at MIL's?

It's a good time to test his allegiances. Try and get him out with you to the park.

And remember you are a mother too, and deserve a mother's day for yourself tomorrow. Make sure they recognise that.

I have! Made dp take dd into town to choose something for me, and said I want tea in bed
Yes, he'll come to park, it's good to see how he is round them
Will ask for move to relationships board...

Use this as an opportunity to observe things very carefully.

That's really very fucking rude of them to be speaking only in Punjabi while you're there. Very exclusionary. Even if your MIL can't speak very good English, your DP should at least be trying to make her.

Hi MistletoeBUTNOwine, sorry you're going through this - we'll move your thread to relationships now

It's ok thumb, I make a point of asking all the time what they're saying
I feel somewhat detached from everything, having a much nicer time than when I cared what they thought of me!

That's a step in the right direction Mistletoe, not getting engaged in their mindgames is half the battle won.

"He says I bring out the worst in him, that I did this"
Honestly Mistletoe, why would he want to be with a partner who brings out the worst in him?

My daughter had to separate when her baby was eight weeks old because of a similar act of violence.
Her husband can be very nice, and if my daughter doesn't mind the violence that would be her choice, but a baby is too precious to be put at risk.
It's not just the baby, as if there were such a thing as "just a baby" but you also have another child.

I'm glad you're managing to rise above their petty rudeness, Mistletoe.
Do you want to stay with your DP, given his behaviour and then his throwing all the responsibility of it onto you?