'D'P has just ended our relationship

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

Because I won't let his EA parents look after our 10 week old DS (bf) without me there.
His parents well and truly screwed him, and his brother, up. Controlling, PA, every trick in the book.
Now he says we won't work.

He's just been into our room where baby is and thrown a bottle of water across the room over my head and next to baby,
I'm scared
He says I bring out the worst in him, that I did this

Sorry there is never a good time when you have dc together but it might be better for ds sooner rather than later.

Right, call the police.

If he's going to get nasty, even if it's just a show of temper, clamp down. It won't do you any harm to have police records of violence/instability to back up any conditions you might want to make for contact. Especially with his fucked-up parents in the mix.

But seriously, 42? Under the thumb, ducked up and with a childish temper? Move far enough away for him and his family to be out of your life.

But call the police right now and get this recorded.

He needs to go elsewhere. Call the police if you are afraid for your safety or your children's.

I think he needs to leave the house now. Will his parents come and get him and take him to their house?

He's calm now.
I'm ok

I'm sad for you if he really goes ahead with his threat to split with you. I am also very sad for your baby that he can't see that his parents could be quite damaging - on what grounds does he believe they won't EA your baby like they did him? They don't know any other way!

One thing to bear in mind (and why you need to seek legal advice ASAP) is that if you do split, and he gets joint custody (unlikely while you're EBF) or visitation rights (far more likely) then he will be able to take your baby to see his parents without you - so they will have "won". (Not the right way to look at it, it's not a competition, but you really need to think about this and find a way to safeguard against it).

What Thumbwitch said. OP, you wouldn't just be calling the police to protect you right now, but to have a documented instance of why your P shouldn't be allowed to have the baby alone. Given the current situation, I'd be calling the police NOW and getting it logged that he threw things at you which could have hit the baby.

It could mean the difference in a year's time of you having the ability to stop him, if you end up separated, from taking the baby to his parents house for the day instead of just being able to see the baby with you there.

It's such a bloody mess we've talked now and he doesn't want us to split.
I don't know what to do
My head hurts
On paper it's a no brainier

That was a test for you.

Call the police and they will ask him to leave. The incident will be logged. This is very important as Thumbwitch and Bruno have said.

What Bruno said. Get it logged, regardless. You don't have to phone tonight, but do it tomorrow - for your baby's sake.

Although, if there's even the slightest risk of him kicking off again at all, then yes, what Math said.

Has he even apologised? Not that it matters, quite frankly, he recklessly endangered your baby!

from what you've posted about him here, sounds like your life would be better without him.

The first time I left PFB (ebf) was when he was 10mo.

He half heartedly threw a bottle of water...... That won't prevent him having future contact!

Neither will claiming his parents screwed him up.

This is not a happy, supportive relationship by the sound of it. No matter how hard I'd rather be on my own and have the brain space to focus on the kids and developing the relationship with my mother than trying to sort out him and his relatives.

You will never, ever win this one. Do you want to live the next 20 years constantly feeling you're being watched, judged and criticised for every small thing that you do?
Life's too short for that.

I think he has threatened to leave you and threatened you with a bottle (imagine if that had hit your baby) and is now saying he doesn't want to break up to confuse you and make you do what he wants. He has escalated very quickly and more than likely will do so again next time you defy him.

He's seeing how much you'll put up with.

Fgs leave now while you have the chance.

Has YOUR mother looked after DS ?

Oh, love :(

The water-bottle-throwing means you really can't stay with him. You know this, don't you?

Another hand holder here OP.

DD was ebf, she's nearly 10months now and we've only been separated for less than 24hours in total. I'm not telling you this to try and say what a great mother I am or anything. It's just that I've had no reason to leave her yet and haven't particularly wanted to either, perhaps if the GP's lived closer I would have more by now but that's besides the point. I'm trying to say that it is perfectly normal not want want to be apart from your baby. I definitely wouldn't have wanted to leave DD with anyone at 10 weeks. Do NOT let him manipulate you and try and tell that you are being unreasonable about it.

Throwing the bottle of water is very worrying, what if it had hit the baby? Or even you for that matter. A bottle of water in the face would bloody hurt. He is showing his weaknesses and this is the tip of the iceberg of what he may do in the future.

I had once thought I'd found my soulmate with my ex. I let him treat me like crap for years and I think it was partly because I didn't want to accept that I'd got it wrong. Don't make the same mistake OP. It can take a very long time to really get to know someone inside out and sometimes people aren't who you first think. It's not a reflection on you. If he is showing this type of behaviour after only 18months then you need to let him go.

Of course he is saying he doesn't want to break up. He wants you to stay so he can control you.

You and your DS will be so much happier without him. Don't give him the chance to do anything worse to you or your DS than throwing a bottle.

Thank you for all the kind words and advice. We both know we can't go on like this. It's bad for everyone.
I know I sound like a cliche but we will give it one more chance. If things are still like this in a month (or if we have another row like last night) I'm done.
It's so very hard to admit you've fucked up and another family is broken
Hopefully we can get through this.
Thanks again.

He says I bring out the worst in him, that I did this

OP think carefully. Is he saying this because it's a learned opinion from his parents or does he really believe this - and will he ever say or think it again?

Try and get him to understand how wrong and how dangerous this is - that he blames you for throwing a bottle across the room. If he doesn't get it, walk away now. If the penny doesn't drop now it probably never will.

He needs to make a complete break from his parents control, right now. That doesn't mean he needs to never talk to them again or never see them again, it means he has to take on board that they are controlling him and manipulating him and he will therefore not be able to have a committed relationship with you while that's happening.

Mistletoe, please think seriously about your decision. This started because you wanted to keep your ten week old baby safe. Your OH has thrown something that could have caused injury and blamed you for his actions because he didn't get his way.

On paper it's a no brainer. And in real life

"It's so very hard to admit you've fucked up and another family is broken"

It wasn't you that fucked up. It wasn't you that broke the family. Please keep that in mind.