Been having pretty much the same argument repeatedly with dp since our son was born..
It comes down to the fact that he seems to be of the opinion that because he works, his days off should be days off and I of course look after our 7 month old/do most of the cleaning/cooking etc every day. It all sounds a bit petty but nothing major has happened it's just little things over time wearing me down. The kind of things I mean are:
When I'd just had ds I had to stay in hospital 3 days to try and get him to breastfeed,which meant zero sleep, because every hour or so a midwife would cone along and help, and my son was crying a lot of the time plus it's just hard to get sleep in a hospital which is fine I didn't expect much sleep but the day I came home (we weren't living together then) he went home at about 8pm because HE was tired, I thought he would help with the night feeds atleast one day so I could get some rest after the whole child birth thing but no, HE was tired. He thinks this was totally fine and that I'm being selfish not thinking about his needs because "it's not all about you, I was tired and needed sleep too" sounds petty but it upsets me that his needs always come first but I think after Labour and no sleep for 3 days straight he could have put my needs above his for one night.
I've been pretty ill the past week and he chose to use his his days off to go over his brothers (fine I don't care about that) and then came back and went to sleep on the sofa, so leaving me with all the cleaning and a screaming teething baby on my own again. He also decided he didn't want to change ds so just put him on the floor to sit in his own poo asleep until I realised he needed changing.
The ONE time I asked him to watch ds since he's been born, for half a day so I could get an assignment finished for my ou course, he got a call from his friend and decided he would shout at me for ' dictating his life' because he wanted to leave and I said, well you can take ds with you like I have to everywhere I go.
He shouted at ds when he was 3 weeks old because he agreed to do a night, ds was crying (as babies do) and he sais to him "you are not going to fucking dictate my life like this" well yes actually babies do dictate your life they depend on us for everything they can't be naughty at 3 weeks old ffs. I let this go because figured it was stress and lack of sleep
This morning after our argument ds woke up at 5am and I (stupidly) thought well I'll let dp get up and see how he likes it when it's unfair (he has work today usually I would have got up but I was trying to prove a point) he went mad, shouted t me and had a go at ds. I got up after this.
He thinks his money is HIS and I have no right to say "you shouldn't really spend £450 on an x box we need to save for a deposit to rent somewhere" because that is me dictating his life. So is saying we needed to save whilst staying at my parents rent free, which they did so we could save to move out.
Other that though he is a good dad, he does sometimes help but he thinks he is doing me a favour by doing so, it hard to explain, he'll help if I ask but I get annoyed that he doesn't seem to be taking the responsibility of being a parent at all but maybe he is right and I am being petty, he does go to work and long hours so I get that he is tired but I'm tired too. Surely this isn't really how it works anymore? Seems kind of old fashioned to me but I don't know, I'm 23 and no one I know has children so I ave no idea, be a case that I'm not coping well with being a mum and taking it out on him when it's hard.