What on earth is going on?

[EmbarrassingPoo]

I met a man about six weeks ago, and things had all the hallmarks of going really well. We got on so well. On all our dates, we would talk non-stop for hours. There was lots of texting and on the last couple of dates, lots of sex.

He works on the other side of the country much of the time but last week told me he'd rearranged his work schedule so he'd be around more at the weekends in the next few months, so he could spend more time with me.

Anyway, on Saturday we arranged to go somewhere nice late afternoon and then we were going back to his place to watch DVDs and I was going to stay over.

We went out, had pizza and ice cream and went back to his and cracked open wine. The combination must have been potent because suddenly I got really bad stomach gripes and had to dash to his toilet and had diarrhoea. Embarrassing! I was mortified. His flat is small, it was obvious something was going on. I had to explain, I'd had a stomach upset and I was embarrassed. He was not very sympathetic at all. He said something along the lines of "it's embarrassing yes, but not the end of the world I suppose. Let's just go to the shop."

I was in two minds of whether to just go home, I should have done but I didn't. I thought it was forgotten about. Everything quickly got back to normal.

We went to bed later, still talking and laughing a lot. Had sex. In the morning I woke up really early (as always) and he was still sound asleep. After about an hour, I was starting to get fidgety so I got dressed to go, as I didn't want to keep disturbing him. I needed to pick up my daughter a little later anyway. I gave him a kiss goodbye and told him I was going, but he seemed really put out I was going. His reaction was quite "oh, right"

I text him as usual yesterday but only got one short, curt message back. Which is completely the opposite of how we have been the last couple of weeks. So I text him last night, asking if he was OK. He's told me a couple of times he can be grumpy and moody, so I wanted to get it out in the open rather then waiting for a grown man to get over a sulk.

But I've received no reply. What does this sound like? He's changed his mind? He's in a grump? Was my embarrassing incident a deal breaker? should I not have gone in the morning?

I'm not going to text again, I'm just confused

I might be completely wrong and deluding myself here, but I feel reasonably satisfied with the control side of things. It would have been worse not being sure if he was in a grump and just waiting for his text. At least now, I have called him on his grump and his silence is confirmation.

If he was a reasonable person, wouldn't he have replied by now to say "no, I wasn't in a grump, i've just been busy". He could also have added "by the way, I don't think things will work out between us" and that would still add up to him being an all right person.

Embarrassing Poo,

Re your comment:-
"Last year I got out of a miserable marriage with a very moody and emotionally abusive man and I don't want to let anyone do that to me again"

But he's already done that so fortunately you have deleted him. You went onto date someone who has really turned out to be very similar to your ex. Your relationship radar needs retuning before you start dating again.

I would also suggest you look at Womens Aid Freedom Programme as this is for women who have been in previously abusive relationships. I think you are still vulnerable to chancers like this one turned out to be. Reading "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood may also help you as well.

You are awesome really. Love your own self for a change!!!.

It's funny I had a couple of friends over the other night. One has always put up with crap men. She was shocked when I said if they don't think of me as a goddess then it's bye bye Dp adores me and I him which is how it should be.

I'd much rather be alone than put up with less than great. As should we all.

I concur freakin - I feel the same.

Well done for getting rid OP . Onwards and upwards - you can do so much better.

And I just have to say that this line:

I think the poo is a red herring

is the best thing I've read on MN for ages

Here's an alternative viewpoint just to play devils advocate...

You've had 6 near perfect weeks. This weekend could be that "ok this could turn into something serious" time. Perhaps he is yes realising you're abd real person and is doing what men can sometimes do, not dealing with his emotions maturely.

You'll know he's just a dick if he doesn't write again (actually that word is too mild). If he does call again it will be interesting how he explains himself. Then you'll have to decide how to move forward.

In the mean time continue to power up your belief in your own awesomeness that way you'll be well prepared for what comes next.

Oh and btw I do not think your last text appeared in any way desperate, just mature. How old is this bloke?

He's 32, we're the same age.

There is the possibility that he's decided he doesn't want to get involved with someone with a child but I thought we had addressed that. He was quite honest in the beginning and said it had been a consideration, but he really liked me. Also, his mum was a single mother and he said that had made him realise it wasn't a big deal.

Also, after our first date, I was upfront and admitted I'd felt a little nervous and he just said he respected that I was honest about it. So I thought we had a little understanding that being honest and upfront was the way to go. Clearly not.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now. It could have all been rubbish.

yeah I found that amusing too largina

Freakin - The Original? I remember many years ago there was a WickedWaterWitch but that's not me if thats what you mean? I've been some form of "wickedwitchof" for a while now thou.

Yes that's who I meant.

He actually said he was grumpy and moody! Blimey, he thinks he's all that! Not much of a marketing strategy is it?:)

You did nothing wrong op, and thankfully its only six weeks in he has showed you he is a bit of a twat. Dust yourself down, and yes to cocktails. He can be grumpy and moody in his flat on his own can't he? With his perfect pooing habits.

im sorry but im reading this as, the chase is done with, he can take it or leave it now - he sounds like a prick. As well you found out now - grumpy and moody? no thanks

Then no, I am the imposter! I changed my name one Halloween, liked it and just updated it every so
often. The original WWW wasn't impressed thou. I got an entire thread (over 900 posts iirc) because she felt I should change my name due to people possibly confusing us. Much of MN waded in and opinion was pretty split.
I never did change it. I'm pretty sure I apologised profusely for my insolence thou, but I honestly hadn't done it to cause offence!

Sorry for the hijack OP.

Update on Poogate:

Turns out it wasn't really about the poo. He text the next day and said he had started to get a toothache the day before and it got excruciating, the next day he had to go and have a wisdom tooth taken out and it all went wrong and he's been suffering all week.

The thing was though, he had chosen to ignore me before that started so although I sympathised, I pointed this out and said if he had a problem he should just say so. He said that when I left it had felt really awkward and it bothered him. I'd seemed like I really wanted to get out of there.

In truth, I did. I felt awkward lying there, I didn't really know what to do. With my ex, I would be bawled out for fidgeting or touching in bed, I had to sleep on the edge of the bed. So on Sunday, when I was awake, I just got up! Then when he woke up and started to look puzzled, I just went anyway and didn't really explain why.

So I tried to explain without freaking him out that I'd just got used to acting in a certain way. He seemed to accept that. I also said that ignoring me and giving me the silent treatment isn't on. He said that he had just needed a few days to think about things and I haven't heard from him since.

So that's that! Shame, I really liked him. I think it might just prove that I am not ready, it got way too complicated too soon.

I also can't help feeling that I've mucked something up that could have been good - but I not supposed to be thinking like that anymore am I?

but I not supposed to be thinking like that anymore am I?

Nope, absolutely not

Whatever happened with his tooth, he gave you the silent treatment, and as you say, that started before his toothache. And anyway, no toothache is so bad that it renders you incapable of a text message!

IMO it doesn't mean you're not ready; it means that you have your radar well and truly switched on and are not going to put up with being messed around. So well done you

Tbh I have some sympathy with him being uncomfortable with you getting up and dressed ready to leave. After six weeks you don't need to sneak out like a one night stand. However I think it's best to move on from this one no regrets. When a relationship is meant to be you get over these misunderstandings pretty quickly.

You'll be more than ready when the better guy comes along next time!! It sounds like it was good practice :-)

I would be a bit hurt and confused if I'd spent the night with someone and they were up and dressed and leaving by 8 and I was still asleep. If he hadn't woken up you would have been gone, but as it was you just said you were going.

Imagine if someone posted on here: "I met a guy about six weeks ago, we've been getting on really wel, we talk all the time and on the past few dates the sex has been amazing. then on Saturday night we went out and came back to my flat to watch dvd's. We went to bed and were talking and laughing, and we had sex. Then the next morning I woke up and bf was dressed and said that he was going. I looked confused but he just went anyway." I can well imagine the responses would be something along the lines of "get rid/delete his number/don't bother contacting him again, he clearly has no respect for you if he can shag you the night before and then just sneak out in the morning."

Think the pooh incident was irrelevant tbh. You'd said it was embarrassing and he didn't dwell on it, so perhaps your feelings about that were more about your own insecurities.

I don't like uncommunicative so I can see why you would be put out by that, but as I said above, I can't help thinking that if a woman had posted that on mn she'd be told to not text him back.

If someone snuck out on me first thing in the morning I'd be thinking things through as well tbh.

If I'd had such severe toothache I'd wouldn't have been able to sleep . Just sayin' . Put it down to experience and start again . Good luck .