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Original poster

What on earth is going on?

71 replies

EmbarrassingPoo · 24/03/2014 09:41

I met a man about six weeks ago, and things had all the hallmarks of going really well. We got on so well. On all our dates, we would talk non-stop for hours. There was lots of texting and on the last couple of dates, lots of sex.

He works on the other side of the country much of the time but last week told me he'd rearranged his work schedule so he'd be around more at the weekends in the next few months, so he could spend more time with me.

Anyway, on Saturday we arranged to go somewhere nice late afternoon and then we were going back to his place to watch DVDs and I was going to stay over.

We went out, had pizza and ice cream and went back to his and cracked open wine. The combination must have been potent because suddenly I got really bad stomach gripes and had to dash to his toilet and had diarrhoea. Embarrassing! I was mortified. His flat is small, it was obvious something was going on. I had to explain, I'd had a stomach upset and I was embarrassed. He was not very sympathetic at all. He said something along the lines of "it's embarrassing yes, but not the end of the world I suppose. Let's just go to the shop."

I was in two minds of whether to just go home, I should have done but I didn't. I thought it was forgotten about. Everything quickly got back to normal.

We went to bed later, still talking and laughing a lot. Had sex. In the morning I woke up really early (as always) and he was still sound asleep. After about an hour, I was starting to get fidgety so I got dressed to go, as I didn't want to keep disturbing him. I needed to pick up my daughter a little later anyway. I gave him a kiss goodbye and told him I was going, but he seemed really put out I was going. His reaction was quite "oh, right"

I text him as usual yesterday but only got one short, curt message back. Which is completely the opposite of how we have been the last couple of weeks. So I text him last night, asking if he was OK. He's told me a couple of times he can be grumpy and moody, so I wanted to get it out in the open rather then waiting for a grown man to get over a sulk.

But I've received no reply. What does this sound like? He's changed his mind? He's in a grump? Was my embarrassing incident a deal breaker? should I not have gone in the morning?

I'm not going to text again, I'm just confused

OP posts:
justtoomessy · 24/03/2014 10:23

You realise he's a bit of a twat don't you? Huge red flags......you having a bad stomach meant you weren't giving him your undying attention....you getting up and going, again meant he wasn't at the forefront of your mind. He's being a selfish, sulky dickhead thats fed up you weren't showering him with all your attention. Delete his number and move on.

Handywoman · 24/03/2014 10:25

You deleted his number Smile yey for you!!!!

Just consider it six weeks of good sex and nothing more. For that is indeed what it was. Your other needs/standards have not been met.

Onwards awesome lady!!!!

LoisPuddingLane · 24/03/2014 10:26

We've all had embarrassing things happen. Bodies are designed to embarrass us at the wrong moment. If someone can't deal with it, or is unsympathetic, forget them.

Dahlen · 24/03/2014 10:27

Embarrassing - hopefully that will be the back of him but be prepared for him to turn up for dinner on the day you invited him bearing flowers and an as-if-nothing-ever-happened demeanour that makes you feel as though you have over-reacted to his grumpiness and lack of reply.I hope that won't happen but you would be wise to be ready for it. I recognise a game player when I see one and I suspect he sees an ideal victim in you because of your unforseeable moment of vulnerability in his bathroom.

Handywoman · 24/03/2014 10:28

If you are distracted OP why don't you TREAT YOURSELF to a trip out to a cafe by way of reward?? Show yourself you have done a very splendid thing.

LoisPuddingLane · 24/03/2014 10:29

By the way, I expect Cameron Diaz shits like a trouper. She comes out and says "I'd give it ten minutes if I were you."

Handywoman · 24/03/2014 10:29

Yeah good point Dahlen re dinner date. OP I think you should go out at that time just in case he turns up.

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 24/03/2014 10:35

Arrived on this thread a bit late - but well done for deleting his number. He sounds like a twunt.

All I was going to say was I was with a bloke who made me feel like the worst human being in the world when I did a poo - and I have a bowel condition so it was doubly embarrassing - to the point I would end up holding it in in or trying to go before I saw him or if I did go, I'd sit there for as long as I could until I'd made sure the smell wasn't as bad. Madness I know. He also used to sulk about things and as it turned out, was a violent control freak.
We live and learn.

My new bfs loo is across from his bedroom. No refs have been made to smelly poos as of yet, I'm pleased to announce. Grin

LoisPuddingLane · 24/03/2014 10:40

Good lord. Some blokes must think that (literally) their shit doesn't stink. It's a horrible bodily function and we all do it.

Original poster
EmbarrassingPoo · 24/03/2014 10:42

Awww thanks! It is nice to be called awesome, especially when you feel very unawesome! Thanks

I am starting to not want him to get in touch now as well after all your wise replies, so this is progress. I'd be very surprised if he turned up, but I'll be sure to be wearing something fabulous and ready to look as though I'm on my way out to somewhere amazing!

Just one more question though...I know, I am overthinking, but please humour me...I'd showed my friend his reply during the day and she agreed it was curt and borderline rude and encouraged me to send another to call him on his grump. So I did, I asked if he was OK or if he was in a grump? And said to let me know if something was up. And that's the one I didn't get a reply to.

By sending that, did I seem a bit desperate maybe?

OP posts:
Original poster
EmbarrassingPoo · 24/03/2014 10:44

I hope Cameron Diaz does do that Lois! I like her more already Grin

OP posts:
ListenToTheLady · 24/03/2014 10:45

By sending that, did I seem a bit desperate maybe?

Who cares? By being a sulky baby about you having a poo emergency and then leaving to pick up your child, did he seem like a bit of a twat maybe? Yes! So you don't have to pick over your texting style and wonder if you're to blame. Step away from the self-blame.

The question here is, is this man up to scratch? That is, does he treat you with respect, equality, decency and kindness? The answer looks like no. He is not good enough. So there's no need to worry about what he might think of your text.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/03/2014 10:46

No, you weren't desperate, Poo (sorry to call you that Grin) but you put the reigns back in his hands with the text. The fact that you now don't want him has whisked them away from him again.

Agree with Dahlen's post - you and your friend go drink cocktails at the time of the dinner date.

... and you are indeed, AWESOME! Thanks

Original poster
EmbarrassingPoo · 24/03/2014 10:47

wicked that sounds awful! As a sufferer of IBS (not so much in recent years) I have always relied on partners being openminded in regards to the poo.

I had a friend though who started seeing somebody who was horrified by the idea that she pooed or trumped. She moved in with him and then would only poo at work and would give herself awful stomachache holding it in all the time. And then she married him and had his baby, and oh yes, he turned out to be aggressive and violent too.

OP posts:
FreakinScaryCaaw · 24/03/2014 10:52

Good for you deleting his number. He sounds awful and rather arrogant to me.

You can get great sex and good conversation elsewhere. Best of luck and don't be sucked back in with some sob story.

Original poster
EmbarrassingPoo · 24/03/2014 10:53

Step away from the self blame...I'll stick that on my fridge.

No problem lying I asked for it really didn't I!?

Thanks everyone Thanks

OP posts:
CalamityKate · 24/03/2014 10:56

Oh. Shame you texted.

If it were me I'd send one more text, to take back some sort of control...

"....I'll take your silence as a yes then lol! Better to find out now though - I don't really do grumpy sulky people. Soz"

bonesarecoralmade · 24/03/2014 10:56

What time did you leave in the morning?

I know this is irrelevant now because you have made your decision (hurray!) but I am just curious as to whether there is a thing... about sleeping late in the morning and expecting your bedsharer to just lie there until you decide to wake up.

Even if you crept out at 7 am then that is still fine, you had to get your child, you were considerate, I don't see a problem anyway.

Just curious as to whether it was closer to 9, 10 or 11. Or even later! I used to have a bf who was EA in many ways (I now know) and something that I had forgotten about that really rang a bell when I read this, was that he would get shitfaced in the evening and then stay over (snoring) and sleep for incredible hours in the morning and get really arsey when I got bored out of my mind and would get up and go and something else. Is that a thing?

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 24/03/2014 10:58

Apart from marriage and baby, I court have been your friend. It's a horrible way to live, more so because even without the bowl problems, it's a natural bodily function?!!
But yes, he used to just look at me with utter disgust when I used the loo and mentioned the smell etc.
He used to tell me that it was because I was fat and ate crap food that my poo smelt.
Er no I have a bowel condition and well... It's poo?! Maybe my diet wasn't the greater but STILL.

But then every fault I had was because I was fat. However, he always used to find a way to stop me going to my various gym classes and then moan at me for me lazy..

I am well rid basically. As are you, oh awesome one Wink Wine

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/03/2014 10:59

Definitely DON'T text him again... keep the control that you now have.

Original poster
EmbarrassingPoo · 24/03/2014 11:02

Don't worry I can't text him again - I don't have his number! Grin

bones it was just gone 8 when I got up. I didn't have to pick up my daughter until 10am but I'd been lying awake since 6.30am. And he at one point turned over and said "god i could sleep forever, so tired" so shortly after, I thought I'd let him and I'd go. I wasn't cross or anything, I just thought "awww, i'll let him sleep!". Thought I was being nice but then he seemed put out when I said goodbye.

OP posts:
Handywoman · 24/03/2014 11:04

Embarrassingpoo repeat these two phrases on waking:

I am awesome
When men do not come up to scratch I do not need to look to myself for the reasons why.

Every morning for the rest of your life.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 24/03/2014 11:05

WWW you are so well rid!! Are you the original WWW btw?

lesbican · 24/03/2014 11:05

Sounds like he thinks you were doing a runner in the morning.

Sounds a bit of a grumpy thing to do, if you like him that much, try talking to him.

Maybe he was embarassed for you having the shits and quickly wanted to change the subject by suggesting you go to the shop because the flat stunk of poo hehe

pictish · 24/03/2014 11:05

He's told me a couple of times he can be grumpy and moody

I just stopped at that really. With that, he has already established that he will behave badly, and that's his excuse.

I wouldn't bother pursuing it.