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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, do you think I am being childish then?

44 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/08/2006 16:14

Most of you know (well you could hardly have avoidall the threads of me moaning) about my evil MIL

Anyhow, There is a family christening on the 10th September and my little nephew (on Hs side) is being christened.

After the whole wedding thing im kind of releived not to be invited but...

Would you let your children go?

I am thinking that if I am excluded then I shouldnt let them go either. Also H has said that hes uncompfortable going knowing that im banned so is tempted not to go.

IS it childish to not let them go or is it a normal reaction?

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 16/08/2006 16:16

normal. But then my DHs family exluded me, and he has nothing more to do with them now at all, so its not really an issue To be honest, id expect my DH not to go if im banned

twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 16:17

I seem to have managed to avoid all the threads so do not know your situation but I know that if dp family banned me from a social situation none of our family wouldn go esppecially dp.

INmy marriage my ex's family did not like me and used to not invite me to social situations and it used to infuriate me that he would go rather than support me.

LucyJones · 16/08/2006 16:17

Am I right in thinking you've separated from your dh though?

Bozza · 16/08/2006 16:18

Tamba I am a bit confused. I thought you and your DH had split up. Forgive me if that is not the case.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/08/2006 16:19

H and I seperated about 3 months ago - does that make a difference?

I have done nothing to make her be such a bitch to me, but she thinks that I am public enemy number 1. H comes here for his tea most days and we still go on days out or watch a dvd together. So are still friends, so I dont see why she cant at least be polite. And its not just her, its Fil, Bil and the rest of the family.

OP posts:
SpanielEars · 16/08/2006 16:19

i wouldn't send the kids. I can't stand my MIL and try to do as much as i can to wind her up.....ooh i'm such a bitch!I get a real kick out of it.

Greensleeves · 16/08/2006 16:21

SpanielEars, are you new? You make me laff

mykidsmum · 16/08/2006 16:22

If you and your dp have split then yes I would let them go, despite any feelings you have it will be nice for them to attend their cousins christening. I can understand why you feel this way but I feel its one of those situations whetre you have to rise above it despite the overwhelming urge to be difficult. also it will only be used as ammo against you so take a deep breath, smile sweetly and do something nice with your day, and let them all know too!!

Bozza · 16/08/2006 16:22

Well yes IMO it does make a difference. I would not really expect you to be invited if you are no longer a couple but would expect your children to be invited to their cousin's christening. Whereas if you were still a couple I would be outraged if you weren't invited.

While it is great that you and DH are remaining on friendly terms I think you will have to accept that this sort of thing is going to happen.

Quootiepie · 16/08/2006 16:22

then send H and I personally wouldnt send my kids.

Bozza · 16/08/2006 16:23

So yes while I can understand how you feel I think it would be a bit mean not to let the children go.

Bozza · 16/08/2006 16:23

But why shouldn't the kids go?

twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 16:24

Oh well if you have separated you from your husband that is different and if he as a serparated man wants to take the kids that is his right,

I can't stand my ex's family and they were moer than just bitchy to me they assisted my husband in making me homeless and funded a team of lawyers to try and take my dd away from me. But now that my ex and I are no longer together it is his business if he takes our dd to see them even if I don't like it and in turn I invite them to dd birthday parties and key events in her life even though being in the same room as them turns my stomach.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/08/2006 16:24

SE

OP posts:
Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/08/2006 16:26

Oh, im no good at smiling sweetly and rising above things

I think its partly cause she is soooo mean to me. (at the wedding she made me sit at the back on my own, banned me from photographs, and wouldnt let anyone sit with me at the reception) I ought to be nice, but I dont want to be!!!

And I miss my neices and nephews.

OP posts:
zookeeper · 16/08/2006 16:28

Rise above it and send the kids.

You will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are behaving with far more dignity than your mil with the added bonus that she will no doubt hate you all the more for it.

SpanielEars · 16/08/2006 16:29

yes i'm new. sitting at work bored had a bit of a surf and stubbled on you lot!! my MIL is a shocker (sorry to hog the thread with this). Imagine pat butcher with dark hair dressed from head to toe in lepoard print.....thats my MIL.

LucyJones · 16/08/2006 16:31

I agree with Bozza. It does make a difference that you have split because you will have to get used to dh taking the kids to MILs all the time and taking them to family events etc without you. If me and dh split up I would feel it wierd to be invited to his family occasions tbh and a bit uncomfortable if things weren't amicable.

SpanielEars · 16/08/2006 16:31

sod the dignity. don't you just want to wind the old cow up until you can see she's about to loose the plot or is that just me being a sadistic cow!! no really - i hate her. She is a bitch who loves to try and put me down. I must make a note to myself to remind her to look in the mirror!

LucyJones · 16/08/2006 16:31

But the way she treated you at the wedding was awful and it must be horrid not to see your neices and nephews so big hugs {{{{{}}}}}}
So tricky for you

Greensleeves · 16/08/2006 16:32

Sympathy, Tamba - this is all so painful, isn't it?

I remember similar tensions when my parents were newly split up (I was about 5) and everything was so raw. I think if you can stand it, you should let your kids go - but only if you can be really sure that 1) they will be returned as agreed, with no funny business, and 2) your H's family can be trusted to behave like adults and keep their relationship with your children separate from whatever feelings they may have about you.

I know this is really horrible for you.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/08/2006 16:38

After the inital hiccups H has been fab with the kids. returns them on time, will pick them up early if asked etc. He has them for 4 days then I have them for 4 days, we are getting along really well.

He doesnt want to go to the christening because he doesnt think his family is treating me fairly, we both had problems with our marriage yet I am the one being totally ripped to shreads over it.

I know the boys will be totally spoilt, well looked after and will had a fab time on the bouncy castle etc.

Its only me feelign resentful and sort of jealous that the people who were such a big part of my life for so long will be having a special occassion and I am not included.

OP posts:
Cam · 16/08/2006 16:38

I look like Pat Butcher and leopard print's my favourite outfit

LucyJones · 16/08/2006 16:39

In that case I would leave the decision up to dh. Maybe he could explain to his mum how he feels about her treatment of you and why he doesn't feel he can take part in family occasions?

SpanielEars · 16/08/2006 16:42

Cam - do you also go by the name of Linda?

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