So, do you think I am being childish then?

[TambaTheDragonSlayer]

Most of you know (well you could hardly have avoidall the threads of me moaning) about my evil MIL

Anyhow, There is a family christening on the 10th September and my little nephew (on Hs side) is being christened.

After the whole wedding thing im kind of releived not to be invited but...

Would you let your children go?

I am thinking that if I am excluded then I shouldnt let them go either. Also H has said that hes uncompfortable going knowing that im banned so is tempted not to go.

IS it childish to not let them go or is it a normal reaction?

Have been waiting a month for him to tell his mother to stop telling anyone who will listen that I take drugs and have sex for freebies and all that.... he hasnt gotten round to it yet... hes scared of her!

Its an understandable reaction Tamba. But, i think if H wanted to take them then you should allow it. If he doesnt want to go, then it doesnt really matter anyway, does it?

WRT to his family I think its a pretty natural for them to behave in a hostile manner - even if it is wrong and childish. Families get protective over their loved ones, they are angry and upset for him. Same way you would be for your boys I guess. Doesnt make it any nicer or more acceptable for you though.

really sorry your mil is being such a cow, and can see exactly where you are coming from, but plan something nice for your day and make the most of a day off x

No but then I'm not a MIL either

FGS I can't leave this thread with anyone thinking I really might look like Pat Butcher

Obviously I meant I look like Sharon Stone (but much younger)

LOL

Too late, I will forever 'see' Pat butcher behind your posts!

Get that thought out of your head immediately Tamba, it was just a joke

I am completely the opposite of PB in every respect, ask anyone who knows me

I've met her, she is a Pat Butcher lookalike

Cam is dead dead Glam with a capital G.

cam is very stylish - not a Pat Butcher atom in her make up.

I think this could be used against you in the future - how you didn't allow the children to attend a family social function (whether you are invited or not). If your children are invited respect them as human beings in their own right and let them make up their own minds. Or risk in later years your MIL being able to put it in the childrens minds how you interefered detrimentally with the relationship they have with their grandparents...

I don't know your full situation, so forgive me if I have misunderstood the circumstances - but I somehow feel there is no reason you should not behave better than they have and as long as your children will have a wonderful time and be well taken care of - you will be doing the best thing for them.

Good luck.

if you miss your neices and nephews invite them round, arrange to meet up with them - keep in contact with them in ways that have nothing to do with mil. same goes for any other family members that you like and get on with. if you and dh have split then I think you have to accept that you may be excluded from things like a Christening, and that the kids should go. - the kids' relationship with their cousins is, if you like, a stand-alone relationship that they are entitled to enjoy and which has nothing to do with you or your mil. you need to realise that splitting with your dh will have repercussions but you can take control by maintaining relationships with those you want to.

My mum and dad were married for 37 years before they divorced (very traumatically for my mum) which was 10 years ago and she hasn't seen any of his family since (partly her choice). She found it very upsetting that people who had been so much a part of her life are no longer and strange that we grandchildren still go and see our grandmother. Its like there is a parallel universe with her old life carrying on without her.

I'm afraid it is often the norm with broken relaionships and it does get easier. Sorry.

Cam on Mumsnet
Cam on Bumsnet
Cam O'Bumsnet
Cat O'Bumsnet
Cat O'Bumsner
Cato Butsner
Cato Butsher
Cato Butcher
Pato Butcher
Pat Butcher

Uncanny!

Very funny
Scummymummy

Tamber you must get your H to talk to his mother.
I have split from DH but he will not let any of his family be disrespectful to me as i am the mother of his children and that is that. (see why is my sister in law such a bitch thread)

Your MIL sounds an evil cow.

scummymummy you are the dog's bollocks!

Er isn't this mil who tried to snatch your children and refused to give them back or am I thnking of someone else? If it is then nope, wouldn't let her within a mile of them, not bloody ever.

but apologies if I'm confusing you with someone else.

Scummymummy you are hilarious (and Cam you are very funny too!(sincerley meant!! Really!) Haven't laughed so much since I got called a dyke on Xena's post a minute ago. Bloody hell, wish I'd joined the relationships thread earlier, this is just the breath of fresh air I needed. Sorry to hijack your post Tamba...

I don't know your whole history Tamba but it is nice that your H still has loyalty to you and sees your family as a unit. My feeling on the subject (fwiw!) is that you should do whatever feels right for you but be aware of the consequences of your actions and be sure that the outcome is one you can accept and feel comfortable with. Inevetiably within a family situation (and most situations in life) there will be consequences and reactions to what you do or don't chose to do, but if the consequences are ok by you then I think that's fine.

By this I mean..do you feel okay that the inlaws will "up the ante" against you; and will your children be upset (are they old enough to want to go?) etc. and if so is this more important than your own feelings of rejection (which, incidentally, are perfectly understandable)?