Disappointed DD isn't getting engaged; I'm being silly I know...

[indigo18]

I suppose many people won't understand, but anyway... DD is late twenties and has been with her lovely partner for two nearly two years, living together for six months or so. Not long after they got together she said they planned to marry, and that is still the plan. I had, stupidly, thought they would get engaged soon, but I am told there are no plans yet, maybe in another year. I am stupid to be disappointed, aren't I? I know, it's nothing to do with me and all that matters is that they are happy, but I had built up this idea in my head. Go on, put me straight...

MrsWelly that is nice of you; I suppose I am picturing them slightly dizzy with love getting married in a rosy glow, not ten years down the line when the shine has gone off a bit. Yet I know that is ridiculous; if they marry in haste it could all go tits up very quickly, and I speak as one who spent thousands on going to wedding of friends in the Caribbean , only to see them split just ten months later.

"I think a man in his late 20s 30s has plenty of time, but I so want DD to make a good choice and not be under pressure when they want to start a family"

I hope you take into consideration that, the same way she may not share your ideas about engaging and getting married, she may very well choose not to have children either.

This is barking. I would feel annoyed if my mum was posting this about me. It comes across so busy bodying. Just let her get on with it! Of course you want the best for her but the way you are coming across about this seems a bit uncomfortable/too emotionally invested. I think you are unrealistic to be hoping for an engagement this soon and planning in your mind the where's and how's

Nothing wrong with wishing your DD was engaged, OP. I think a lot of us secretly want to know a man is 'doing right' by our DDs...of course an engagement isn't proof that he is, mind you. But some see it as a sign of intention of longterm commitment.

Its their choice how they live, and as long as you don't pressurise your DD, you're not doing anything wrong at all. Perhaps you're a bit of a traditionalist..so what..its no crime...not everything modern is brilliant and anyway, you just feel how you feel. Hope your wish comes true one day but above all, that your DD & her young man are happy together

Mistress DeeCee, thank you for your lovely post.
They both want children so I am not being unrealistic there!
ChloeRose, it is difficult not to be emotionally invested in your children; one of the hard things about them growing up is that you can no longer make things go well for them as you can when they are little!

indigo - I sort of get where you're coming from but then I sort of don't!

You said up-thread you were sad about this and that's why I don't really get this. This really should not be a sadness. You need to be happy for your DD that she is with a lovely man, she is settled and she is happy. Really.... that is all that matters isn't it?

I just want my kids to be happy no more no less.

Whatever happens, don't let your DD know how you feel. If I had got a vibe of that from my Mum I would have dug my heels in and never got married for years.

Just relish her happinness and the fact she is with someone nice and put an engagement out your head!

i'm 28, been with dp for nearly 10 years, living together for ?6 years. we get a LOT of comments from friends and relatives (much less so from parents though)

i know his mum would love it if we got engaged, she hints every now and then. my mum would be really excited too but i don't think she would feel ready to have a married daughter as it would remind her that she's getting older

actually when we bought a house together people saw that as a big sign of commitment

I just want my kids to be happy no more no less.

Well, I think that statement is putting far more pressure on your DC that the OP is on her DD.

RiverTam. Pardon me? Surely every MNer wants their kids to be happy, don't they?

I don't go round telling them "Listen DC's I want you to be happy" but inside that is what I want and I doubt there is anyone on here who wouldn't wish the same or would wish otherwise. That wish inside me hardly equates to be desperate to want a DC to get engaged - that is pressure.

it's a throwaway comment that annoys me, that's all.