DP always deletes browsing history from phone and ipad.

[lovingsunshine]

I'm suspicious!

What other reason could there be other than him getting up to something / someone behind my back?

He has form, but I thought he had changed.

If I asked him he would never in a million years confess unless i had cold hard proof and even then he would try to deny it.

Am I right to assume the worst or could there be an innocent explanation?

I delete mine - sometimes for porn - though it's not a secret - and sometimes because I'm embarrassed about how much time I've wasted on mumsnet!

I do it because I am often looking up things I am thinking about that are just private..not porn related, but personal to me.

I always delete even though it's only ever MN, FB and (apologies) Daily Mail

I even delete history on my iPhone and there is only me who uses it.

DP never deletes his history so I often do it for him. I hate having all that crap on the laptops. HTH.

Disagree with those who say deleting the list of websites visited is suspicious. If you are concerned about security it is a sensible precaution. It ensures that websites and malware can't find out where you've been. That stops targeted advertising (where you keep seeing adverts for sites you have visited recently) and also makes life hard for an attacker who is trying to defraud you or steal your identity. It also helps a little with speed. I don't do this myself but, having worked in the computer security industry, I know that many experts say you should.

I agree with Cogito. The problem is not that he is deleting his history. The problem is that you are in a relationship with someone you don't trust.

He has form.

That's the problem, basically. You know he is the kind of man to cheat, and this is the result. You don't trust him because you have proof he's not trustworthy. Oh, and you expect him to be a liar if confronted with any suspicious behaviour (although someone who had previously broken your trust and is genuinely sorry and working to regain that should be expected to do the opposite, shouldn't they?)

This could be innocent (though taking care to delete EVERYTHING doesn't look good, really), but that's the nub of the problem. This could be resolved and in a year's time something else will crop up. And you'll be looking at this man you can't trust and can't tackle about an issue because he will lie, and you'll have this same knot in your stomach.

No way to live.

Thanks for the replies.

We went through a bad patch around 4 years ago and I discovered he was chatting to women online and swapped mobile numbers with a few of them. He swears he didn't meet up with anyone and that he did it because he was lonely.

I wanted to be able to trust him again but never managed it 100% (I did before finding out what he had been doing).

Anyway I checked the mobile data on his phone this morning and he has visited a site called adult work, and also one for swingers.

I can't prove he has done anything and unless I knew for sure I would find it hard to walk away. He presents himself as so loving and caring.

Re stds, yes this is my main concern. We haven't slept together for a year as this trust issue has meant I can't trust him with my health if you see what I mean so I have not wanted affection from him etc.

Adult work is a prostitution hookup site.

He hads done something. He's done quite a lot. Meanwhile, you're trudging on in a relationship that isn't even an actual relationship, because you (understandably) don't want to have sex with a skanky dog who's clearly highly likely to be putting it about right left and centre.

You haven't had sex for a year. I doubt the same is true for him.

You can't even say he is loving and caring. Just that he 'presents himself' as such. Because you know it's a lie.

This is so sad. You only get one life. Why waste it like this? You could be happy, with a proper man who values what a proper relationship means. Not this skank.

Why don't you tell him you have been looking at his internet history and knows he's been deleting it? Nope, didn't think so.

As Cogito said, you clearly don't trust him and I think you need a discussion about that

I always delete my browsing history! I don't want my whole family knowing what I think about!

Well you've got your answer, his behaviour is the same as it was before when he was talking to women online, yuck, do you really want to be with a man that has such little respect for you?

I was going to say that there could be all sorts of innocent explanations and some to save embarrassment/preserve privacy but not due to porn (e.g. some women delete their MN browsing history).

Then you said he had form.

Then you said you've discovered adultwork hits on his phone.

This man is playing you for a fool, no matter how good his act. What are you going to do about it?

Yes he has played me for a fool hasn't he.

I did a bit of digging this morning after finding those sites on his phone data. The swinging site is affiliated with adult work. I did a quick search and lo and behold he has a profile on there. Face photo!! Last log in - yesterday.

What an utter mug I am. I really am a bloody idiot believing his crap.

I will get a screen shot and present him with the evidence tonight.

No more chances, I am so f**king angry. More fool me eh.

There is no shame in being fooled by someone you love. That's on them, not you. It is normal to expect the person you are in a supposedly loving relationship with to treat you fairly and with respect. Don't blame yourself for that. He's had a lot more practice at lies and deceit than you've had at trying to spot them in the person who says they love you.

But you would be a fool if you give him a third chance, so channel that anger and use it to cut him loose.

Good luck.

Most people visiting dating sites and sex sites have the intention to cheat, very few are on there for innocent reasons, no logic in that.

You need to show him the door once you've shown him the screen shot.

He's here now.

Denying meeting anyone, just messaging apparently.

Bullshit.

Don't get sidetracked into a debate about proving anything. You're not in a court of law. It's enough that he's behaved in a deceitful manner and done something again which has previously damaged your relationship. It's a betrayal of trust. Whether he's messaged anyone or shagged them is a minor detail TBH.

Everything that BrunoBrookesDinedAlone said. Do read those posts again OP. This is no way to live. I am sure you will be happier with someone you can trust and you deserve that at least.

I always delete my history and I'm certainly not cheating, or planning to... I just tend to google embarrassing, random things and like to be private!

Of course he's going to deny, messaging other women (again) should be enough for you to end this sham of a relationship.

Thanks for the responses.

I won't be giving him another chance. I've told my mum already as I knew once I did they'd be no going back.

Good, you've told a good person, lean on her and anybody else to get through this, he can't possibly love you the way you deserve to be doing this, sorry, I know that's hard to take but really, what other explanation is there. You will be much happier with a man you can actually trust.

even if he hasn't met anyone the intent is there - surely that is bad enough.

Good luck op - you deserve so much more. Don't waste another moment of your life with such an unfaithful man - every minute you spend with him is time you could be spending happily alone or with someone who treats you with the respect and honesty you are entitled to.

So sorry OP. You do deserve better and you are not a fool, he is. Go and be looked after by your mum, and keep strong.

Obviously I have no idea why your dh does anything but.....

I need to do this regularly because the web pages load really slow eventually if I don't sometimes they don't load at all.

Just you know my dp couldn't care less about me doing that but then he knows he has nothing to worry about

Oh no ignore my last post I didn't read the whole thread he's a c*nt!

Leave him and find a guy who will adore you!