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Relationships

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Original poster

Name not on the mortgage

55 replies

barkinginessex · 13/03/2014 14:00

DP and I seperated last year for 3 months, I stayed in the house and he moved in with a friend. I went to see a solicitor during the seperation to find out if I had any rights to the house as I pay half of the mortgage and bills. She told me I had no claim on the house as all the bills are in his name and the mortgage and deeds are in his name only and unless the money I pay into his account specifially state what the money is for then I would lose in court if I tried to claim anything.
I have been wanting to talk to DP since we got back together about having my name added to the mortgage or deeds but I didn't know how to start the conversation.
Last night I spoke to him about it and told him that I felt that our relationship wasn't equal etc and that I wanted my name on the deeds or on the mortgage to protect myself financially and to feel like I'm getting somewhere in life e.g. paying towards a mortgage. I also suggested a joint bank account and joint names on the bills.
DP was stunned by this and said he didnt understand why I felt this way and said I'm luckier than most women as he deals with all the bills and the mortgage and I don't have to because he looks after me. To be honest this made me feel like a 1950's housewife! I work full time in the city and I feel like its time for me to be financially independent, at the momemt I may as well be a lodger paying towards room and board as I give him a set amount each month, I'm not paying off our mortgage its HIS mortgage and the situation just doesn't feel right.
My friends think that if he won't commit to having a mortgage with me then I should leave, are they right?

OP posts:

adventuress · 13/03/2014 14:04

Why does he say he takes care of the mortgage if you pay half of it?

Can you stop paying your share of the mortgage (since it turns out your not) and put the same amount into a savings account for a deposit?

Were you together when you bought the house? Do you have children together?

Jan45 · 13/03/2014 14:07

You are 100% correct, you are his vag lodger, that is it.

He's shocked by what exactly, you pay half of everything incl the mortgage, of course you want your name on it.

Or, he could easily set up a Minute of Agreement for £100 which specifies that should you split, you are entitled to 50% of any profit made at that time, it's really quite easy.

I think your friends are right and he's got a bloody cheek to expect you to be his lodger when in fact you're his life partner, or at least, that's how you view it, I'd be highly suspicious about his intentions towards you, he doesn't seem to have any.

How long have you been with him?

You should have made it a condition when you reunited that you were given some recognition, that's just awful.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 13/03/2014 14:12

So I effect he is charging you rent plus share of bills for living there.

Is it a fair rent or would you better off somewhere else?

Make up your mind. Are you wanting to pay him rent, or not?

If you want a joint mortgage, see a broker together. I expect there is the issue of his initial deposit to solve, etc.

mousmous · 13/03/2014 14:18

your friends are right. imo

either you stop paying
or he puts you on the deeds/mortgage
or you draw up a tennancy agreement
or you marry

or you leave

adventuress · 13/03/2014 14:23

I think it's hard to say without more info. He might have put down a big deposit and want to protect that.

I bought a house in my thirties and if I had met someone and they moved in with me, I would not have wanted to put their name on the mortgage or deeds unless I was sure our future was permanent.

adventuress · 13/03/2014 14:25

Maybe you can pay your contribution by transfer and reference it 'mortgage payment'.

Jan45 · 13/03/2014 14:40

All he has to do is get a Minute of Agreement from any lawyer, this would stipulate his deposit and keep it safe but should things go wrong the OP would be entitled to half of any profit, and she doesn't have to go on the mortgage for this, this is fair on both parties, at the moment she's paying rent on a place she lives in whilst he benefits from any profit made, effectively he gets all the profit, including her rent contribution, how is that fair exactly, it's not.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/03/2014 14:51

This is the man who is also completely anti social when your parents or his mother visits isn't it?.

Anyway, the advice given to you was correct. He is within his rights to throw you out if he wants to and you have no claim of any sort on his house because it is his. He has kept it this way for his own reasons and his reasons are patronising to say the least. You'd be stuffed legally if he dropped dead or decided to ask you to leave, you are basically his unmarried partner and thus have little to no rights in law. The law sees you as two separate individuals.

Given all this, why are you together at all?. What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Jan45 · 13/03/2014 14:58

Also by what he said, i.e., you're lucky, he takes cares of all bills and the mortgage, does that mean you have no idea how much the gas/electric/mortgage/insurances etc are, you just take his word for it and give him what he asks for? Even madder than staying there to help him pay his mortgage off.

Spero · 13/03/2014 15:01

I agree with everyone else.

Either you are on the mortgage and/or you enter into a trust deed that clearly states you own the beneficial interest in the property 50/50 (or whatever share is fair if he put in big deposit)...

or you leave him.

lavenderhoney · 13/03/2014 15:18

I don't see what's lucky about finding out you have been paying a mortgage and have no claim on the property.

Stop paying it. Say if its rent that's different and you'll have to have a think about whether you want to rent or buy elsewhere. Also email him saying you have been paying x amount since x and you thought you were paying the mortgage off, so if he sells you would have expected a hopeful return on your investment. Can he clarify your position? Keep his response as hopefully he will come back saying of course its the mortgage you've been paying. If not, well, that's one thing answered.

You could always buy a place and rent it out if you can afford it. Plus its a bolt hole for you in the event of a split and at least you will have something to show for all your spending.

NurseyWursey · 13/03/2014 15:20

GET YOUR NAME ON THAT MORTGAGE.

My mum's name was never on the mortgage, despite her dad paying for the deposit for the thing.

When stepdad cheated on her with the next door but one neighbour, she left him and was left with fuck all.

oldgrandmama · 13/03/2014 15:22

Christ! He must think all his Christmases have come at once. You contribute towards the mortgage (and the rest) but he hasn't granted you any equity or interest in the house.

I agree with other MNs - he's playing you for a fool. You've some good advice here about Trust Deeds - would be well worth to getting some RL legal advice, to protect your interests.

He sounds a real prince!

skyeskyeskye · 13/03/2014 15:23

I put all the money from the sale of my first house into my second that I bought jointly with XH and we then owned it equally. That was a decision that I later regretted when he walked out 6 years later and was entitled to half the equity, which was all my money... (he didn't take anything luckily for me), so I can understand why your DP may want to protect what is his, but I do not see why you should be paying half the mortgage if it is not your mortgage. If he wants it to remain in his name, then he should pay the full mortgage and you pay half of everything else.

You could own the house in different shares to 50/50, say 1/3, 2/3 or whatever is deemed fair to you both.

I will never hand anybody half of my house ever again, but I would also not expect a man to pay half the mortgage of something that is not his.

Crosseyedcat · 13/03/2014 15:29

It is your name on the deeds of ownership which you want. The mortgage is basically a liability to the bank!

wyrdyBird · 13/03/2014 15:29

Don't waste one more minute. Put yourself on a more secure financial footing today, and book an appointment with a solicitor.

The situation doesn't feel right because it isn't right.
You are in a very precarious position.

MaryWestmacott · 13/03/2014 15:30

But he doesn't take care of the mortgage, you pay half of it!!!

If I was you, I'd approach this from a different angle, point out that if he was hit by a bus and died tomorrow, you'd have no claim on the house, even though you've been paying for it. As you aren't married, even if he leaves it to you, you'll have to pay IT on the full amount, not just his share of it.

If he won't put your name on it, refuse to pay, if it's his asset alone, then the debt is his responsibility alone. And start looking for another house, either to move into, or to buy as a rental/investment, so that you have your own property if your relationship ends.

JRmumma · 13/03/2014 15:45

This is a tricky one for me. How long have you been living there OP? And how long has he owned the house? If he has owned the house for say 15 years, and you have only lived there 5, then i could totally understand that he wants to protect his deposit plus 10 years of whatever equity he had built up in that time. If you are unmarried, have had recent hiccups in your relationship, and (i assume) have no children then i suppose he will want to protect himself. I would feel the same in his position.

But you should rightly have a stake in the house if you have been contributing to the mortgage for x number of years. If i were you, id get the doc that jan suggests up thread drawn up to reflect that if you were to part ways, you would get your share if the equity built up in the time you lived there back.

If he isn't prepared to do that then id agree with your friends, but I honestly don't think that you are entitled to any more than that unless you marry or have children further down the line.

millymolls · 13/03/2014 16:30

I wouldn't worry about your name being on the deeds or mortgage - the best way to protect your self is to draw up a declaration of trust, where you both hold the house as tenants in common and declare the % you each own - therefore, if you split, it is clear what you are due.

I did this many years ago before I got married - it was my house first and I had put in the deposit and paid mortgage for 5 years. When my partner (now DH) moved in we reflected this in that I had 90% he held 10%, we later changed this to 70:30 and subsequently been married for 10 year so not that relevant now.

adventuress · 13/03/2014 20:06

There has to be a definite decision to throw your lot in together with someone. I just think till we know what the OP's situation is, it's very hard to judge.

LovesPeace · 13/03/2014 20:46

I want to buy a house, my partner wants to move in with me.
He already owns a house elsewhere that his son is moving into.
My ex was a real git to me, and I need the security of knowing I have my own safe place to be.

Are you all really saying that I have to let my partner stay free of charge in my house with me, or give him half of it?

Spero · 13/03/2014 21:04

No. He already owns a house. He has some fall back if you separate and you boot him out.

But I hope you are able to talk to each other about what you are doing. And you both agree to maintain your own properties. Things can get very messy quite quickly when people share a house only one person has an interest in.

If a couple live together and both pay towards the home they live in, I think there have to be safeguards for both of them in case of relationship break down. A deed of trust is probably best way forward if you want to own in unequal shares.

MaryWestmacott · 13/03/2014 21:11

LovesPeace - your situation would be different, it would be completley unreasonable for him to expect you to give him half your house without him giving you half of his.

However, I would say that you get him to pay half of all bills except for mortgage. If he wants to pay towards your mortgage, that's a different matter.

serious converstaion needs to be had.

stepmooster · 13/03/2014 21:24

Dh and I are moving home. Our current home is in my name, when we move home the new house and mortgage will be my name only. This is because the lender won't touch us together owing to child maintenance and childcare costs. Its not always possible.

Spero · 13/03/2014 21:44

But as you are married, its a different situation entirely to op - if your marriage breaks down, it is dealt with under Matrimonial Causes Act and the house is most likely going to be treated as a marital, NOT a sole asset.

Op is not married, thus has no such protection.

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