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Original poster

Post date etiquette - am I meant to give feedback or something?

45 replies

InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 09:49

I went on my first proper date on Tuesday ( past relationships have been with people I've already known through friends or work). I got chatting to a man on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and he asked me to meet up with him.

So I did, it was ok. He was half an hour late which annoyed me but we went for lunch anyway and chatted. I was a not bored, it felt awkward. I only stayed an hour and a half then made my excuses.

For 2 weeks leading up to the date, he texted a lot, every day. After the date I text to say thanks for lunch and he replied saying it was nice to see me. We exchanged texts for a bit, with him saying he would speak to me tomorrow.

I didn't hear from him at all yesterday. I didn't text him either. Am I supposed to text and say that I dont think we are suited or is silence just what you do if you don't want to date again?

I think I am going to need a thicker skin if I am going to start dating, I'm a little put out that he didn't like me even though I felt the same about him Grin and had a bit of a confidence crisis wondering what was wrong with me (before I realised that there was probably nothing wrong with me, just as there was nothing wrong with him, he was friendly, polite boring there was just no attraction)

OP posts:
pinkroses5 · 13/03/2014 09:57

If there's no spark and no interest from his side post date then you don't need to do anymore. Nothing wrong with either of you, the mutual attraction just wasn't there by the sound of it? I hope you find someone lovely xxx

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 13/03/2014 09:57

Letting it fizzle out seems the best thing to do here.

And whilst it might be a nice ego boost to have him madly in love with you, it's far easier like this than having to let him down.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/03/2014 09:58

I think you've effectively exchanged the 'don't call us, we'll call you' texts... If he's not chasing you and you're not interested, walk softly away.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/03/2014 09:59

It's probably ok to just leave it, and use the "I don't think we're suited" line if he asks for date 2 and you don't want one.

Spend more of your energy realising that it's OK not to be liked, especially if it's by someone that you don't like either! Totally ok. Not at all a commentary on your general likeability - just the result of what 1 particular person prefers.

Original poster
InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 10:08

I'm glad it's ok to just not text him, I didn't want to come across as rude. He was nice enough, but I wouldn't want to waste a rare babysitting opportunity on meeting him again. I don't get out very much, it was the first time I had been child free since my youngest was born 14 months ago!

I'm not really looking to date anyone, I can't fit it in around my children, and my ex was awful and made me feel really crap about myself so I don't think I'm ready to open myself up to the world of internet dating, at least not until I'm feeling confident and less apologetic about the state of myself!

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/03/2014 10:22

You should definitely not feel apologetic about the state of yourself!

Sounds like future baby-sitting opportunities would be well spent on things you know you'll find fun and fulfilling. Like good friends, interesting shows,... Your confidence will return, and all the more quickly if you're doing things that make you happy.

PigletJohn · 13/03/2014 10:38

" it felt awkward. I only stayed an hour and a half then made my excuses."

not a goer then. He probably thought the same, or at least picked up the message. In the event that he tries to contact you again, you can say that you think not. No need for either of you to be unpleasant.

Jan45 · 13/03/2014 12:59

Firstly, very rude to turn up half an hour late, secondly, you thanked him, that's enough.

And yeah, you will need to develop a thicker skin if you're going to do this regularly, my single friend has been dumped more times than she's had a hot dinner and not one has explained anything, just the silent treatment, seems to be how it is, horrible eh.

Original poster
InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 14:45

I've just had a text from him saying "Hi, how are you? xx"

I haven't replied, I don't really want to get into pointless conversation Blush

I've decided to take up salsa dancing, instead of thinking about dating. I might be able to get a babysitter for my younger children and could possibly take the older ones with me (thank you minecraft on the kindle!)

I'm not ready to date anyone, I'm glad I went as it's shown me how not ready I am.

OP posts:
elastamum · 13/03/2014 14:50

Internet dating is a minefield and the silent treatment can be soul destroying - but thats not as bad as getting a brush off text before you have even got home, which happened to me once. I think he walked out the door and sent it from the car park Blush

Jan45 · 13/03/2014 15:08

elastamum, oh what a B, no need but I do agree, from what I've heard the silent treatment and text dumping is par for the course.

Original poster
InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 15:15

Oh gosh Elastamum (sorry but it made me laugh Blush)

OP posts:
Original poster
InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 20:04

He's text me twice now and I feel awful for not replying! He can see I've read the message too which makes it worse.

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/03/2014 20:06

well, maybe now is the time for the "thanks but no thanks" talk, then.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 13/03/2014 20:49

I think that it wouldn't hurt to reply.

I think that if you were texting someone and they were ignoring you, you'd find it a little rude.

It's not like he behaved in any way like a pest or anything, so it might be polite to let him know that you don't want to take it any further.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 13/03/2014 20:50

Tell him it was lovely to meet him and wish him well in his search, but there was no spark for you.

Its nice enough but still means thanks but no thanks and is not ambiguous so he'd have to pretty thick skinned to not get the message Smile

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/03/2014 21:07

and even though he was tardy, and boring, at least kudos to him for not having done the "silent fade".

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/03/2014 21:07

(I'm NOT suggesting you put that in your "thanks but no thanks" message! Grin )

Original poster
InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 21:41

It is decent of him not to just disappear, he was a nice, polite man. I don't know how to word a text, I am so useless at this! This is what happens when you marry straight out of school - no experience at all in this sort of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
InspirationFailed · 13/03/2014 22:26

I've now had 4 texts from him, he wants to know why I'm not talking to him. Time to bite the bullet I think and text him back.

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 13/03/2014 22:45

better to say that you don't feel you want to take things further with him, be clear and polite without giving the idea that you might change your mind.

if you say you aren't looking for a man just now he might feel you misled him or wasted his time. He quite probably also finds it difficult.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 14/03/2014 09:08

"Dear X, thanks for the messages. While I appreciate the time we spent together, I do not want to take this further. All the best, Inspiration"

Qix · 14/03/2014 09:12

Oh god, you'd think two texts at most would be enough for him to realise you don't want to meet again. Cringe for you!

Original poster
InspirationFailed · 14/03/2014 09:23

I did text him back last night with a friendly brush off, but I got another text at half 11 saying he was really busy at work (I didn't reply) and then two sent about 1.30am (but I didn't see them until this morning) saying "are you still awake Hun" and "I am on my way over xx" Shock

I'm wondering if he sent them to the wrong person? Or wanted it to look like he had sent it to the wrong person ( in the hope that I would be jealous or something?) He didn't turn up at my house anyway!

OP posts:
wannaBe · 14/03/2014 09:27

I would just text back with a polite "hi, am fine but have been very busy." initially. I am a wimp so I wouldn't necessarily do the "hi I'm not interested," text until hhe implies he wants to meet again. after all he didn't just do the silent treatment so he does sound like a decent bloke. I would let the conversation lead to the rejection iyswim.