Do childhood sweetheart relationships ever last?

[kitkat220]

Hey guys I've posted before about my relationship with my husband so I'm not going to go through the details again but I've been thinking recently about it so thought I'd post this topic and see what you all think. I first met my now husband when I was 15 and instantly was smitten. We had our first kiss when I was 16 and had an on/off relationship for a couple of years (just kissing) and got together properly when I was 18. We got engaged when I wad 20 and married when I had not long turned 22. I am now 33 and we have 3 children aged 9, 8 and 8 months, I'm not happy in our marriage anymore and I wonder sometimes if it's because we married too young. I feel we have both changed a lot and have drifted apart. So I just wanted to ask you all if you think childhood sweetheart relationships can ever last or is it better to have a relationship when you are both mature enough to know who you are and what you want Xx

Just putting my two cents in to say that I'm another one who was gutted when I broke up with my first love (and certainly felt I had lost something to do with my "innocence" to do with love) but that now I'm very glad that I married someone that I met as an adult. The relationship is more real and more true to who I really am as a grown up.

My mum and dad were childhood sweethearts and are still together now in their fifties. Very happily.

My dh and i have a similar timeline to you kitkat. We have been married for 14 years now. When we got married I said i didn't know if it would be forever because we were so young. I know lots of people took bets on our wedding day how long we would last. I like to think we've outrun all those bets!

Dh and i are above all best friends and whenever we are having a rough patch I remind myself how much I would miss him if I didn't speak to him every day. Our lives aren't full of hearts and flowers but we make a good team and we give each other strength. We make an effort to spend time alone together and are starting to look forward to a time when the kids are gone and we can do the travelling we missed out on as young adults.

I still couldn't say we'll be together forever - I don't think anyone can.

I have one set of friends who got together at secondary school and are happily married 42 years later .They had two children in their mid twenties.They live where we all grew up and have had fairly ' ordinary' lives with as far as I know no real challenges and pressures .Steady jobs,nice house , lots of family support etc
My DH married at 19 a girl of 17 .It lasted 10 years but they split when she wanted to start a family .He says they were like two children playing house initially and were good friends but the spark went .He became very successful in a demanding career and she had a fairly mundane job and wasn't really interested in it.Ironically I think I am the woman she might have become had they not got together so young .We were 30 when we met, Dh newly separated.I was doing well in my career and had recently bought my own house .And lots of friends .
They divorced within 6 m and we married two years after meeting .I was very different person at 30 to the girl I was at 18 - I think a lot depends on maturity levels, attitudes to education/work, children and expectations .

I've been with DH since I was 17. We had a bit of a break when I was at university. But I am now 50.

We have both had affairs - mine was 20 years ago and I thought it was just a bit of a flirtation but looking back it was an emotional affair. It definitely left it's mark on me and on our marriage. In some ways I think it was on of the factors in the situation that allowed DH to have his own affair 3 years ago. I don't doubt that the fact we were almost each other's one and only contributed to this situation. Curiosity definitely played a part. Also for those with less than perfect self-esteem who crave the attention and validation of others, you can't shake the feeling that if someone ELSE told you you were amazing and wonderful it would somehow mean more than when your SO says it I hold my hand up to that as does DH.

Since his affair (ended almost exactly 3 years ago today) we have been forced to look at each other and our relationship through a magnifying glass. Up till that point for many years we seemed to be on a kayak negotiating rapids - always something to cope with, worry about, never a moment to actually take stock. It left the kayak with a few holes and quite a bit of water in the bottom. It's being mended now, baled out, cleaned up and the fact is it's a very different kayak to the one we started out with. But that is OK, in fact if it wasn't it would be a bit dull really.

You need to be flexible, prepared to compromise, massively loving and patient. Whether you think it's worthwhile is up to you but one thing is sure, it's not all hearts and flowers but if I lost him now I would have a massive hole in my life and my heart.

Not quite a childhood romance, but I got together with my husband when i was 18 and he'd just turned 21. We've been together for nearly 23 years and although there have been a few tricky times I would say they've made us stronger. We're not the same people we were when we met, but where some people find this difficult, for us, it's probably what's kept us together for so long.
We're completely different people to those we were way back when, he's more relaxed, I try not to let the small things bother me! We laugh more than anybody I know, and people are always commenting on the fact that we're still very romantic together.
We had our son when we'd been together less than 2 years, I'm not sure if that makes a difference or not.
I think if you're not happy though, you should make the break. We're hopefully on this planet for a long time, why spend most of it being unhappy?

Met DP both aged 11 through a Friend at a camp I went to, became friends while texting living miles a part we both dated other people and had our own little thing but didn't really get together for a while.
Now we are very happy together.

Growing together is the key imo. I met DH when I was 14, he was 16. At 18 he joined the army, I stayed put. At 18 I went to uni, he was still in the forces. In that 5 year period we saw eachother every 3 or 4weeks for a weekend. We had our own friends, own lives, own growing and decision making to do. We loved each other a great deal but wanted to pursue our own interests.

I would have found it very stifling to be with a boyfriend every day or living together in my teens.

My sister met her husband at nursery, so when they were 3/4 yrs old

They went to infants and junior school different senior school. But within weeks of my BIL went to do his A levels at the school my sister was at they were back together.

They are now 43/44 and have been married for nearly 20 years.

I've been with my DH for 22 years and I am in my late thirties.

We have had our ups and downs.

He loves me for who I am and loves me warts and all.

Me and my husband got together at 15 and were on/off till I fell pregnant at 18. Had my eldest at 19. We split up when she was one and a half for two years. It was the best thing we ever did for our relationship. It allowed us to experience being with different people and made us realise the grass isn't greener and how much we wanted to be together. Been back together eight years. Have three children of 10,5 and two now and married a year.

His parents have been together since his mum was 16 and she's now 68.

I would say it doesn't mean in itself that your marriage is doomed. But it is certainly a factor that can make it more difficult. I've been with DH since school, got married at 22. I didn't set out to marry my first boyfriend (at all!) but it just turned out that way. The difficulty is I don't have any point of reference to say what is and isn't ok for me - just other people's experiences and views. If that make sense? So whereas someone who meets their DH in their late 20s has a clear idea of what they will and won't put up with, my whole adult life has been spent with him and we've both changed during that time so I'm sometimes not sure whether I'm being a mug, or being too uptight, or what. For instance, I have become a feminist as a woman,.and I wasn't as a girl. Some of his views on women bother me and I'm not sure if we met today whether that might be a deal breaker. But it's been a slow and gradual thing, where I've grown and in some ways maybe he hasn't. I guess that can happen at any stage in your life but it's much more likely if you're together during those formative years.

Met my DH at 17 and he was 20, so not exactly childhood sweethearts but still very young. Engaged at 18, married at 19 and first baby at 23.

We have had some difficult times, lack of money caused rows. So did ideas on raising DC. I don't know why are marriage lasted (26 years to date) and others failed but we are stronger than ever now the children are mostly independent and have time for each other.

Iranofway, I really enjoyed reading your post. I love the way you said that cleaning and mending your relationship ( or kayak) made it into a different and more beautiful one.

I met my DH late on , but I can identify with your description. And I see that it is good to revamp a tattered relationship and make it bright and shiney - just like new one !

I met my childhood sweetheart when we were 2! We went through nursery and primary together and got together at 14. We dated on and off between 14 and 23 and then eventually broke up for good.

I'm now engaged to my DP of two and a half years and he's been with his girlfriend for about the same length of time. I'm glad we ended things before getting married - he was a nice guy and I loved him in my own way, but he wouldn't have been suited to marriage. He's changed a LOT in the last few years (as have I) and we wouldn't fit together now like we did then.

Thank you saymwa.