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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bully of a husband got a taste of his own medicine today....

60 replies

Littlenastybully · 08/03/2014 23:02

.....and I've been grining to myself ever since.

He's not a very nice person, likes to think he's better at everyone else, an egotistical bastard.

He has a real problem when driving, thinks he's the most brilliant driver in the works and everyone else is shit. So much so that I can't drive the car when he's in it, I'm so fed up of being criticised for everything (despite being older than him, having past my test at 17 means I've been driving for 16 years now, never an accident, never any points, driven all over the world and I am a very good driver).

Anyway, when he drives it's a constant tirade at other drivers, shouting about how shit they are, mouthing 'cunt' and 'dickhead' at them, you get my drift.

Anyway, so today driving to the supermarket he went to pull
INto a lane, someone didn't see him indicate so he had to pull out again...he did the usual "fucking dickehead, watch it." Only, as it was a warm day, we had the windows open and so did the other driver.

So he calls out "did you call me a dickhead?"

There was now room in front of our car for h to move forward to be parallel to the other car but he showed what a coward he actually is and hung back. I could tell he was worried.

The other driver repeated his question and h stated saying "I appologise mate" a couple of times, but still wouldn't pull up next to his car.

Then the lights changed and we moved on, but I could see h was nervous about potentially ending up next to him at the next lights.

I wish the other guy had got out and really scared H. He was clearly bigger than him (h is a nasty little man, hence my namechanged for this) and like I tell ds when he worries about the nasty boys at school when bye move up to secondary this year, they won't carry on being nasty once a bigger kid has called them out on it and scared them.

Anyway, I hope he's leaned a bit of lesson a anyway, the stupid idiot.

I didn't say a thing about the incident, but of course, h had his pride dented so I got it all round the supermarket. Lots of digs and everything I said was met with distain and a nasty comment, just so he could feel like a big man again to get rid of his embarrassment (this behaviour no longer bothers me, it used to make me cry, but I am so detached from the wanker now that I no longer care what he says to me, I see him for the sad little insecure 'man' he really is).

Anyway, it keeps making me chuckle that he showed what a coward he really is today.

(And yes, I will LTB. Just biding my time to make sure ds is secure when we do).

OP posts:
Handywoman · 09/03/2014 09:15

Ooh eight more weeks. I hope they fly. More early flowers from me Thanks

rubyflipper · 09/03/2014 09:19

I wish you and your son all the best. He is lucky to have a strong, loving mum like you.

FetchezLaVache · 09/03/2014 09:22

SingingGerbil, I assume you've never been in a relationship with a bully. They don't show their colours from the off! OP would, one assumes, have run for the hills if he'd been cunty while they were dating. Bullies prefer to wait until they have their feet under the table. HTH.

pictish · 09/03/2014 09:25

Good luck with it all OP...you are doing absolutely the right thing. xxx

copafeel · 09/03/2014 09:32

When he says I love you etc, why do you never ask him why he is such a pig then?

quirrelquarrel · 09/03/2014 09:36

Oh love. That sounds shit, must be so very exhausting for you.
Make sure you have some stuff to look forward to (apart from leaving the bloody B!).

Original poster
Littlenastybully · 09/03/2014 09:38

copafeel yes, I have done lots I of times.

But as you'd expect, there is always a reason for the nastiness and it's always my fault. Someting I have said or done to make him be nasty or he just plain denies it. I gave up on asking.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/03/2014 09:41

You're doing the right thing by not engaging. Bullies wither when they are starved of opportunities to bully. You're quite right... whatever you say or don't say will be wrong so there really is no point putting yourself in the way of punishment.

pictish · 09/03/2014 09:41

As someone once said on here...."if someone treats you like shit, it is their fault, and not because of something you have done."
Too true. You certainly do not 'make' him behave like an aggressive dickhead towards you...he just thinks it's his God given right to.
Well it isn't.

I am glad you are leaving him.

CurtWild · 09/03/2014 10:16

Good luck op..I also had to wait until I had the money for a little place of our own, finally accepting a small loan from my brother when a suitable place came available.
I miss the man I fell in love with but not the man he turned out to be, and my DC growing up in a stress free home is worth its weight in gold. I immediately threw myself into re-decorating which I found massively theraputic. All the best for you and your DS with the move and the future Smile

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 09/03/2014 10:47

Good luck, I'm so pleased you have seen the light and your plan is going well.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/03/2014 10:52

May the next couple of months fly by for you OP. I wish you all the very best in your new life away from this arsehole Smile

ImperialBlether · 09/03/2014 13:48

So your son wasn't in the car? And he's never ever witnessed this man bullying you? I find it hard to believe that he only does it when you're alone. Bullies usually like an audience.

Original poster
Littlenastybully · 09/03/2014 13:58

No, my son is at his fathers every other weekend. He wasn't with us yesterday.

And no, he's never witnessed anything. No one has. All people talk about is how happy we are and how much h adores me. He's only nasty when we are alone/ds is out/asleep whatever.

OP posts:
neiljames77 · 09/03/2014 18:23

He'll make sure nobody else witnesses it because he's a total coward.
I've known blokes like this and the last thing they want is confrontation with a man. Does he also belittle you and make suggestions that you're lucky to have him and nobody else would want you anyway?

TisILeclerc · 09/03/2014 18:56

I could have written your op OP. I too thought that everyone thought we were amazing together, that he was a fabulous h. Turns out it was like the emperor's new clothes - once I left everyone said what they really thought.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. I hope these eight weeks fly for you x

ouryve · 09/03/2014 19:07

Glad you're making an escape plan. As he is such a bully, you need to make sure you have an emergency plan, too, as if he gets wind of the fact that you are leaving, or loses patience with you not engaging (my ex did and started spinning the most hideous paranoid tales of what the world without him would have in store for me) he could seriously turn on you and make your life very difficult. If you haven't already, leave anything and everything of value or importance with someone you can trust, in the meantime.

AnyFucker · 09/03/2014 19:08

Op, there will be people in your family or social circle who have your Dick of a husband completely sussed

Until you leave him for good though,, it is unlikely they would be sharing their contempt for him with you

RandomMess · 09/03/2014 19:13

Urgh what a nasty nasty man, even worse as he so obviously is in complete control of his behaviour as he ensures to hide it from others.

May those 8 weeks fly by and the perfect place come up to rent x

neiljames77 · 09/03/2014 19:54

Get yourself a voice recorder.(you can get one for about £10)
When you bin him off, if he's portraying himself as innocent and you as the bad guy, let everyone have a listen to how much of a turd he is.

FetchezLaVache · 09/03/2014 21:05

Bloody good idea there Neil.

Are you planning to let your STBXH continue to have contact with your son, OP?

Longdistance · 09/03/2014 21:23

I was gonna suggest dome recording device to trap the manipulative arse.

Good luck with the next few weeks Flowers

MichelloBarner · 10/03/2014 11:22

That sounds like a plan to me. Record all his casually abusive rants and criticisms, so that when he says 'But why? What on earth did I ever do yo you to deserve this?' you can say 'Here you go. Happy listening. Bye.'

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/03/2014 12:07

I've learned finally that words are just words, they don't mean a thing, it's peoples actions and the way they treat you that count in life.

Absolutely, OP, deeds not words, he is stupid enough to think you'll forget all the nasty bits for a few soppy words now and then. Hope you get that money saved up for a flat for yourself and DS soon. Flowers

cjel · 10/03/2014 12:21

You sound very strong and well done for not being ground down by him. Hope you have some unexpected income to boost your moveFlowers.

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