How bad a thing is this to say to your H on a scale of 1 to 10?

[heyfattyboomboom]

Feeling a bit shit/guilty today about an argument I had with DH last night - but not sure if I'm just being dramatic because we don't usually argue

He was having a bit of a moan about something (sex related) and didn't take it well. I told him that there are 'lots of things that piss me off about you but I care enough about your feelings to not just blurt them out whenever I think them'. He then nagged me for about twenty minutes to tell me what those things are and that now they're 'out there' I can't not tell him.

So I told him the thing - that I'm sick of listening to him moaning about being overweight and unfit but doing bugger all about it; and then constantly asking for my reassurance that he still looks ok, when actually, he does look unfit and overweight now.

Basically, he eats like a pig and doesn't do any exercise - he used to play rugby but had an injury and stopped - but carried on eating the same amount, which has meant he is now a fair bit overweight. And I've had to listen to him moaning about it for about ten years, since he got injured, but I always grit my teeth and just listen and nod. But last night I just thought sod it and out it all came. After my revelation I went to bed. This morning he was just all quiet and sad-looking.

And I'm feeling guilty. Am I a complete bitch? We don't usually argue at all so that's making me feel worse.

Have you tried star flower oil for the pmt? I used to get bad pmt which made me very emotional and cried a lot, can't remember where I heard about star flower oil but I started taking it when I met DH as the pmt was causing problems. I get the capsules in boots on 3 for 2!

Hi OP, just wanted to add something about the PMT subject. After 35ish years of almost problem free periods it all went wrong for me last year, flooding, severe pain and manic mood swings. I ended up sobbing to my doctor, convinced I needed to be sectioned. After trying some different meds what made everything better was Fluoxetine, which is prescribed for PMT, and I had a Mirena fitted which sorted out the physical symptoms. You mentioned medical reasons stopping you from having hormonal treatment, I'm in the same position due to breast cancer in my family, but my consultants advised me that the Mirena was extremely low risk. I took the ADs for 3 months but found the vivid dreams I had (a common side effect) hard to cope with. But by that time the Mirena had worked it's magic and my PMT had settled to manageable levels.

Okay... so he was upset he wasn't getting enough sex, and you came out and told him he's basically undesirable... that's how he'll have seen it.

I suggest you sit down with him now and tell him that you didn't mean to imply that you're not attracted to him, you are, but that you're sick of the moaning and no action. That you love him either way but he needs to stop bitching or try and lose weight.

You should then tell him that you will see a doctor again to see if there's anything that can make things a little more manageable. If there is medication to help, that doesn't have really bad side-effects you SHOULD be seeing a doctor about it. It's not just the sex by the read of your posts, it's also your vile mood, so it will be better for you, him and your relationship if you got help for it.

Perhaps you could start an exercise regime with him. Different diet and all that.

You were extremely mean. I would say 10 being really mean and 1 not being mean you were an 8. He's feeling vulnerable about his weight, and upset at the lack of sex (and wondering why you don't want to) and you go and imply the two are related.

Haven't read through your entire thread, however re your pmt.

Go back to your GP and ask for a referral to gyn, there is no need to suffer and ads are absolutely not your only option! I suffered from pmdd for years (extreme pms) and I'm at the other side of it though my solution was rather extreme. Hope you get it sorted.

Op I used to suffer with PMT which got worse as I got older. I started running in an effort to get fitter, and after a few months I realised that the PMT had lessened so much I had not noticed it really.
Regular exercise would be really good for you both, I really do think its something you at least should try.
If he is not able to run or go to the gym because of his previous injury then he should also be making an effort with his diet.

Try and turn your row last night into a reason for positive action on both your parts.

So you are entitled to moody and awful for half of every month "because you can't help it" but he can't moan about his weight? You absolutely can help it but you don't, which puts you both in the same boat really. He is being annoying about the sex but I can see why he's frustrated.

So, tonight sit down and clear the air. Apologise to each other then make a decision to do something about your problems rather than just letting them fester.

There are two things going on here which are very similar, in that you both expect the other to 'live' with something whilst making little personal effort to resolve.

I'm guessing living with someone who is moody between 25/50% of the year ain't no picnic, just as watching someone you love damaging their health, complaining about it and doing nothing can't be easy.

You both should have said something a lot earlier.

As a bloke I think it is a 1 for saying it and a 10 for what it might do in that it might be just what he needs to eat less and exercise more! Far too many people just overeat and get fatter and fatter. I am not criticising those who do-it's a fact of life however as a loving partner you should offer perhaps now support to do something about it. Adding a few years to a persons life by encouraging them to be healthy can only be a good thing. As to the other pmt issues as a bloke I can offer nothing but sympathy. My w wakes up most nights red hot with flushes and then says sorry for waking me up. The best I can do is get up and make her some tea and get a cold flannel.

Why don't you both start running - that will help you with your PMT, it will help him lose weight and it will give you a common interest?

Just by the way, I am on AD's for anxiety, and they have completely solved my PMT! I've gone from 2 weeks of rage, crying and hell to maybe one day of irritability. I've got my life back. I'd stay on them just for that, because I feel PMT was ruining my life, quite apart from my general anxiety.

And lots of exercise and agnus castus did nothing for my PMT. It was like taking a paracetamol for a broken leg. I think natural remedies may work depending how severe your pmt is

Exercise is just good for you whether you've got this problem with pmt or not. Please don't stop exercise just because it may not help your pmt specifically. There's no harm in trying it!

It could also be a hormonal imbalance and anti depressants can't do anything to combat that. A friend was on hrt and another on estrogen. I do hope you get it sorted soon because it is miserable.