so upset. is it me?

[wontletmesignin]

Ok so few months ago i wasadvised to xease contact by SS, between my ds and his df.
His grandparents also went NC with ds as i wouldnt allow contact.
Last time they told me i wasnt getting him back.

So with pressure from social services telling me to keep links with that family.

So today was second session - at my.home.
My son wont bother withthem and wont leave my side.
The grandad walked out after an hour and then grandmother started having a go at me.
Saying im using my child as a weapon and she never would have done this to me if the tables were reversed.
She also blamed it all on my 10 year old daughter. Saying her son took on too much taking on me and my 3 kids and thay was the reason for his abuse.

Then, after that mouthful ...she asked for weekly visits instead of fortnightly as she thinks this will help my ds around them.

Manipulation much? Is it just me...or are they taking the bastard piss??

His grandparents are toxic and chancers to boot. They have no automatic rights of access and I would reiterate that if they are too difficult for you to deal with they are certainly too difficult for your children to have to put up with under any circumstances.

Some grandparents really should not be allowed access to their grandchildren.

Your mistake here was allowing them any contact at all. You were not married to their son; there is no obligation on your part for you to be seeing them at all. They see you as a pushover and weak. People like them also want the last word.

Any boundaries you care to set will either be ignored or driven roughshod over. The "normal" rules of familial interaction go out the window when it comes to dealing with such people.

You cannot afford to let yourself get walked over any longer and you have been far too reasonable throughout this whole sorry episode. They do not deserve any more chances; they have had way too many as it is and your children have been now further exposed to their emotional manipulation as a result. Contact of any sort with such people is damaging both to you and them. They have ignored your 3 year old and blamed your 10 year old daughter for their son being abusive!. Enough is enough, time to draw a firm line in the sand.

Are you really at heart surprised that they are like this?. Their own son is an abuser and he has no contact with his children, this bad apple really did not fall far from the at heart rotten tree.

Put you and your children first for a change rather than others and give them positive role models. They should never actually see these awful people ever again, even in a contact centre.

Yes, if they cannot or will not behave they get to see none of you. End of.

Thank you.

I am seeing it all better now. I dont know why ive been taking it, when i know if this was someone elses situation id advise the same as you all.

Enough really is enough. I was actually gobsmacked when she blamed my dd. Nobody can hold a child responsible for an adults behaviour.

I am definitely going to stand my ground now.and not back down.
As you said, if i cant do this for myself - then do it for my dc.

My son went from happily playing on talking tom app, to sitting all quiet, not knowkng what to do when grandad stormed out and nana played the blame game.

Thay in itself should be enough, on top of everything else though...i really have let this go on far too long.

Personally, I would cut out all contact

Listen to AttilaTheMeerkat - she is spot on. You don't have to let these horrible people in your life any longer, because, frankly, they are truly malign and your little son, and the other children, do not deserve having such people around. PLEASE tell the social worker how these horrible people have been. Honestly, you need NEVER see them again.

I'm glad you're rid of the son - he sounds horrible. You were brave and firm enough to do this, so do the same with his ghastly parents - get well and truly shot of them too.

Well thats the one really, isnt it.
I got rid of their son for his behaviour, which my decision was made because of him blaming my dd for things and ignoring my son. On top of many other reasons and behaviours.

But the fact here is his parents have displayed the exact same behaviour - so AF is right. Maybe i shouldnt allow any contact at all. If SS think my ds father shouldnt be around him, then they should agree with NC for grandparents too.

You have free will. Use it wisely. SS will always "recommend" contact where possible, but these abusers have made it impossible in many more ways than one.

There is no statute that says gp's have contact. It is your decision. They have no way of enforcing it.

Thank you. I will stick to my guns. I completely forgot i had a meeting with SS today. So at least i will get to see SW in person.

OP, something I recently heard on a child safe course is that people must remain child focused.

So, what is the child getting out of this
Are you doing this for the child
How will this affect the child if it continues

Being honest, it was a child safe (mandatory reporting) course, but I think the above could apply here.

At times in our children's lives we have to see things through their eyes. Sod the GP, it isn't about them. It isn't even about you, really.

This isn't really doing your son much good. They are abusive to you, and there is nothing to say that won't be to him, or at least try to turn him against you in future (with their lies that his dad left because of your daughter etc)

You son needs peace more than he needs contact with these two. And you can bet your last dollar that contact away from you = contact with his dad.

You tried op. But no matter how many chances they get, you can't change them.