so upset. is it me?

[wontletmesignin]

Ok so few months ago i wasadvised to xease contact by SS, between my ds and his df.
His grandparents also went NC with ds as i wouldnt allow contact.
Last time they told me i wasnt getting him back.

So with pressure from social services telling me to keep links with that family.

So today was second session - at my.home.
My son wont bother withthem and wont leave my side.
The grandad walked out after an hour and then grandmother started having a go at me.
Saying im using my child as a weapon and she never would have done this to me if the tables were reversed.
She also blamed it all on my 10 year old daughter. Saying her son took on too much taking on me and my 3 kids and thay was the reason for his abuse.

Then, after that mouthful ...she asked for weekly visits instead of fortnightly as she thinks this will help my ds around them.

Manipulation much? Is it just me...or are they taking the bastard piss??

Are SS still involved or are you being left to arrange all this contact on your own. It's important to get your feelings down un writing. Can you email ss and say that you are feeling very uncomfortable supervising visits in your own home to the extent that you no longer feel able to do this. Without a court order you don't have to organise this. At the very least suggest a public place like a park for an hour. But personally I wouldn't be supervising if I found it so upsetting, and neither should you be expected to.

You have done the right thing, you don't want you ds to grow up seeing them treat you that way. What kind of lesson would that be for his future relationships.

She has text asking to call me!

Cross posts. Good for you. Don't engage. If they come back all outraged just say it is not working at your house but repeat that you will consider a contact centre if they can arrange it. Then switch your phone off.

Don't speak on the phone. Tell her to email or text.

Don't engage. Switch your phone off. If they come to the door don't answer it and if they won't leave, call the police.

Ss are still involved - but apparently not so in regards to grandparents - according to GM.

The PP was right. I make my decision and stick to it, no matter what.
I didnt feel comfortable in my own home and was made out to be a liar, and also my daughter being blamed and its not on.
I tried. I really did. This was the second visit and because of their impatience, that my son hadnt warmed to them as quickly.as theyd of liked they took it out on me.

I will just ignore

Good luck OP.

i really liked what Attila said.

If ss have said maintain links with the grandparents, will anything happen if you don't? It's not an order is it?
So does it matter if the gp say you're using ds as a weapon?
If you don't have to see them then definitely don't. They should not be treating you this way especially in front of your ds.
They need to learn how to behave, if they can't then they carry the consequences of their behaviour.

Thank you newt and everyone.

It isnt an order by SS. So i dont suppose it does matter if they are saying that or not. They know me as weak and easily swayed by others thoughts, and i guess that is what the plan was today.

Grind me down enough to take my son out, seperated from me or have weekly visits.

She asked if they.could take him out for the day, one day without me. Before she said what she said. Maybe its all because i said no.

Another text there

"Please wont, before these decisiond are made please talk to me, grandfather or ds dad. I know how hard it is for you we just want to help please let me ring x"

Help...some help.

Grandfather wasnt helping his grandson when he left in a huff without saying bye

Is it me??? Honestly. How can she manage to flip this to where im apparently finding it hard and i need help?

Op, she/they are manipulative. you have made the first step. Stick to your guns, insist to SW access only through contact centre until YOU are comfortable. Take deep breaths and remind yourself who you are doing this for - putting your kids first. Neither your 10year old or 3 year old will have anything positive from contact as it stands.
Do not engage further this evening, switch off phone (unless you are MNing on it!)
You are doing the right thing for the right reason.

Thank you.

The more i stand up for myself, the easier it will get, right? Evem though im being a wimp and doing it via text

Don't speak to her and do not let then ever have your ds alone. You can do this, you are protecting your son.

You're not being a wimp communicating by text. Their behaviour means everything should now be in writing. Keep calm and polite when you do text. Switch your phone off now. You've said all you need to say.

If you weren't married I'd tell the lot of them to go and take a hike. Honestly, why do you need to put up with this hassle. You're bending over backwards and getting nothing but stress and abuse. And why should a three year old be caught up in the middle of all this.

Hello again

Sweetheart, how many times do we need to reiterate that gp's do not have rights of access in law ?

Stop the contact

No good will ever come of it, except further emotional damage of your DC

Who cares if these two toxic fuckers hate you ? They hate you anyway, give 'em a concrete reason and tell them to Fuck off

I am really not sure why you are doing anything else unless you are a complete glutton for punishment

Ive turned my phone off now.

No, they have been quite clever with the text.

I said

On reflection of today. I am no longer allowing contact in my home. You will have to arrange through a contact centre.

Her response
Please let me ring x
Then
Before you make your decision blah blah i know how hard it is for you and we just want to help.

Perfect to make it look like im just being funny

WHO

CARES?

It makes no difference what they say or what they do

Any contact AT ALL is completely at your discretion

You can choose what suits you

If it suits you that your kids are not subject to any further emotional blackmail like your dd got, then do be it

The end

Cross posts.

AF - vivienne - i am standing my ground now. I thought it could work, especially if they could see i was giving. Obviously wasnt enough for them though.

I am a sucker for giving second chances. Which sometimes turn into 4. But theyve had their chances now.

Im not prepared to put my dc or myself through such obvious manipulation anymore.

After such a peaceful break, i am able to see it a little more clealy now. I guess i just need a kick up the arse to stay strong in standing my ground.

OP

They aren't reasonable and they can think what they like. You have right, and us, on your side.

It will get easier the more you assert yourself, but they will try and ramp up the pressure.

How many chances ? More than 2 and more than 4

Op, come on now

Your kids are being exposed to emotional blackmail

If you can't protect yourself from it, protect them

Are you suggesting that i dont even allow a contact centre?