I agree with thecows.
'at least you have a mum' is so often trotted out.
Well, when you have mothers that abuse us/our dc or fail to prevent others from doing so, who stand by while we're insulted/offended/belittled etc, then I think we can safely say that actually we don't have a 'mother'
Not the mother we are to our children, nor the mother our friends have, or even the one we wished to have.
To lose a parent who dies is painful.
To lose a 'parent' while they are still alive (when you realise they don't care/love/respect/protect you) is a pain unlike any other.
Condolences to those who have lost their mothers, my deepest sympathies to those who never had them in the first place.
Please let's give each other the space to allow our feelings to be expressed.
'But she's your mother' is about the crappiest thing to say to someone with a mother that doesn't care. Don't you think we don't know that?
With mothers like these, we lose them in life, and then again when they actually die. We lose the hope of them ever being the mother we hoped for.
There was a huge and extremely supportive thread here a week or so ago, on this very subject. It'd be great if we didn't have to keep repeating the same old message.