So mothers day is coming. Worst day of the year for some.

[Youcanringmybell]

I have now had no contact with my parents and subsequently my family for three years. Mothers day is bell. I miss not having a family. I know they are having a wonderful life without me.
They didn't even try to fight my decision. My step was abusing me (mildly), my mum got jealous of the attention he showed me as a child rather than think he was up to something and made me suffer.
I decided to have no contact when I had a daughter as I knew she wouldn't be safe with them.
Now I have no family as I was never brave enough to tell them the truth. The believed me an absolute monster for going nc with my mum and disowned me. They never asked why I made that decision. They never thought to ask my point of view.

Now I am out of sight and out of mind. I feel bad at this time of year. She will have all the sympathy for having a disgusting and ungrateful daughter and they don't know the truth. The abuse, the jealously and emotional blackmail.

I don't see my own mother or have any contact with her

I don't associate Mother's Day as being about her, it's about me and my children

However I always feel for those who have lost their mothers on Mother's Day

Mothers Day and my mother's birthday come fairly close together in March, so this is always a bad time of year for me, since she went nc with me 26 years ago.

I've done all the rationalising and the therapy and come to terms with the total rejection on a day to day basis, but I always feel it at this time of year, even though my DDs make a fuss of me.

Thank you for the support. I will make the most out it.

I did try to tell my brother whilst it was all happening. Because I found talking difficult I sent a message to my brother saying not to leave his daughter alone with my step dad. He said that whatever I was inferring happened I was making serious allegations. I reiterated that I couldn't go into detail but that I felt I should warn him. He never asked another question, carried on as usual with our parents and hasn't made contact since. He made me feel like a liar trying to stir up trouble.

I can say 100% they wouldn't believe me as abusers are perfect at blending in. They always lied through it when teachers asked questions. Or we moved. I went to 7 different schools. If people got suspicious we moved.

I try to move on but sometimes I need to indulge my sadness and mothers day seems to be a time when my troubles bubble to the surface.

Excellent post hissy.

I still think you should try to tell your story again. There's been a lot of water under the bridge, you're in a better place personally and others may have had their suspicions about this man along the way. Abusers may be perfect at blending in but there will be other victims, some of whom may be - like you - unwilling to tell their story. If family won't listen, perhaps another agency would investigate on your behalf? You're not in contact so you have nothing to lose. There is no time-limit on reporting abuse.

This post has reminded me of what I and dh have to come re toxic mil.
Every year my mother's day is ruined by something she or fil does, even though nc I'm sure she'll or fil will phone & manage to upset and turn on the guilt with some sort of water works or "woh is me".

That's the thing with these allocated days of the year, for most its a day of showing the love for your mother but for people without a mother it's a shit day and for those with toxic mothers it's just another day in the calendar whereby these people can use to manipulate further to try to get their own way and become centre of the universe.

You are right cognito, you are giving the same advice I would give someone in my position. But I just cannot. It is difficult because he managed to do things in such a way it could be explained away. Comments, brushing hands Tec. He used would always feign horror if he ever saw anything on tv reporting abuse or violence. He would well up and pretend he couldn't understand people hurting children. I remember screaming in my head about his lies and my cheeks getting red through humiliation.
People honestly think he wouldn't hurt a fly. My mum didn't know quite what he did to me. But she got jealous of his fascination and protective ness over me. Then she started emotionally abusing me as she begun to hate me. She always would say spitefully that I was his favourite and she couldn't live up to me. I do not know who I resent more.
Sorry for going on and making excuses. I have contacted a support line by email as I have never had the confidence to seek help over it.

Youcanringmybell, I am so sorry you have been through such pain. I really understand as my mother was the same. My dad emotionally verbally and psychologically abused me when i was a child and my mother would just stand and watch and do nothing to help me.

I went NC 7 years ago and both my sisters (who weren'tabused) turned against me as they didn't know about the abuse and willingly believed my parents lies when they said I was just a horrible ungrateful child.

At times I''m fine but at other times it hits me hard, the lack of any family. I don't have an older mother type figure in my life. I am totally alone and have to do my best to be a mother to my DC's when I have nothing to draw on as I never had a mother myself.

I have to go now but will be back later.

Dimsum, your post resonates with me. It is so hard having people think so badly of you when you know the truth. It is hurtful to my core knowing my brothers, whom I love, thinking wrongly I am a woman using abuse as an excuse. They must think I am disgusting. My step dad fooled everyone. I used to feel sorry for my mum not knowing when I was about fourteen and fifteen. But as she grew to hate me, listened to him saying perverted things to me about my breasts and only got jealous... I realised she was as bad as him and that she would not help me.
Just like you...it can really floor me sometimes. If only once or twice a year, it can hit me very hard too.

Hi everyone, I find Mother's Day hard, really going to try not to this year. My mum abandoned me as a child 25 years ago. Contact on and off which has never worked out.

You never ever get over it ever and yes for someone to listen and believe you Is so valuable, as most people can't believe any mother would do anything to hurt their child or allow it

X

bishbash so sorry to hear what you've been through. And yes you never get over it. And most other people just don't understand that a mother can actually not love or protect one of her children (my mother did love my sisters it was so obvious to me). People think you must have been an awful child for your own mother to not love you even though they might not come out and say it. The possibility that you were just an ordinary child and your mother just did not love you or even pretend that she loved you actually seems impossible to believe.

I

Dim sum it does make it worse if siblings were favoured

My own mother took my db and went on to have another boy, told me I was lucky to have ds as boys are better

Thanks mum

She fell in love with another man and just went

The last think I heard from her was she told me to rot In hell, it's so so damaging but after that I felt free

Sorry that's turned I to a me me me but I just want you l to know you're not the only I r fighting a battle against such strong, unnecessary anger

bishmash, I am sorry for what your mother info I inflicted on you. Anger is probably too simple a term to use for your feelings, am I right? I don't know about you but I still miss my mum and then hate myself for my feelings.
To have such a finality and know that you will never see your mum again and that she is happy with that is soul destroying.

My mum was stupid. If I wrote the circumstances in which she got with my step dad it would seem so implausible. Yet it was true.

On her fb page she has put sons are the greatest gift. It hit me like a tonne of bricks when I unblocked her and saw that. She just changed when she got with my step dad. I don't know why. I almost wish I could go back to before she was with him and tell her not to. Then she would have been a good mum, I know it.

Forgive my typos, I am on a kindle.

Yes I feel the same and I also feel guilty as she was a bios my
Until I was 6 or 7, and I feel bad because she was in an unhappy marriage as my dad was and alcoholic and they fought but she left me.

I hear her voice in my head and live her but then am repulsed by her

A memory flashes or a Barry manilow song and I feel warmth then I hear her words ring in my ears 'gosh DH looks tired aren't u feeding him'

I dread the day she dies it will tip me over

Me too! Imagine the guilt, resentment and emotional impotence we will feel when they die. Harsh words, I'm sorry, but too think of the day I hear of her or my step dads death.