EXP and I split a year ago. We were together 9 years, and have a wonderful DS (almost 7).
EXP was a really difficult partner- selfish, work shy, no interest in spending time as a family etc. After years of trying to change him and / or myself I finally realised I couldn't continue the relationship and I ended it.
My only regret is ripping apart DS' 'happy' home. I do realise that given time, his father's rubbish behaviour would have had a negative impact on DS, so although I feel terribly guilty for not managing to hold the family together for his sake, I do think that in the long term I have done the right thing by DS, as well as for myself.
I was determined to try to keep things as amicable as possible with EXP. As a child of divorced parents I'm well aware that most of the hell surrounding separation comes from subsequent warring between parents.
But it seems every way I turn EXP is aggressive, unkind , unreasonable and critical. He turns everything into an argument, refuses to pay maintainance (I can't do anything as he is self employed and cooks his books), shouts, swear and calls me names over the phone, does very little for DS, criticises my (very lovely) new partner, gives me grief for everything that I do.
I have continued to take it all on the chin, avoided a fight, facilitated EXP's relationship with DS as much as I can by being endlessly flexible and ignoring the criticism.
I'm exhausted with the abuse that I'm receiving. I've attempted to keep communication just about DS, and tried to stick to emails or texts rather than phone calls. It's been a failure as he always manages to verbally abuse me and says its impossible to communicate properly without phonecalls. I've list count of the times that I've cried and cried after one of his phonecalls- I try not to let him get to me, but I can't help it.
I've had enough. I want him to leave me alone. I've told him this but he continues and manages to twist everything and blame me- he recalls a completely different set of events after he's had a massive go at me. I find myself so confused and muddled.
DS is the light if my life and my absolute priority. I desperately want an amicable co-parenting relationship with EXP, because its the least DS deserves- but it's tearing me apart......
Sorry for the rant!! Any advice would be very much appreciated!