Feel like giving up

[AtSea1979]

I attended A&E yesterday, they gave me a lip balm with woman's aid number on it. I can't ring it. It's all my fault anyway.
I can't cope on my own and when I try to settle down I turn the sweetest man in to a monster with my constant gas lighting until he finally snaps and hurts me. Now he's gone and I'm back to being unable to cope alone.
I can't go to work because of my broken rib, I'm in so much physical pain I just have to sit here still yet my head is spinning at 100 mph.
I can't relax. I can't think straight. I can't let my DC grow up like this.
What do I do?

Had a look at the freedom programme but there's none in my area. I will consider buying the online package.

You could look at the free sample chapter before you buy.

(Personally, I wasn't too sure where you are suppose to put your responses).

I hope you're OK this morning OP. You sound so down and depressed are you in the care of a GP at the moment? Is the reason for your broken rib (assuming it was the result of an attack) being investigated? Is someone being held responsible?

I haven't seen my GP, I find them less than useless. I had a blip about 12 months ago. Unless I'm prepared to take a year of anti depressants then there's nothing they can offer and I'm hoping its just the initial lull and adjusting to life alone again.
DP just messaged me. He's found somewhere to live...3 doors down.

That's terrible about your ex (I'm assuming) partner. Are the police involved in your case? Please say yes.

As for the GP you know you can ask for a second opinion and whilst anti-depressants won't physically remove the source of your problems they can help you cope a little better with the stress of doing it yourself.

No the police aren't involved. Their exact words "well you've no swollen face so it's clearly not a DV case, we'll leave you to it". I didn't have the nerve to call them back through the door and say they were wrong.
But it doesn't feel like DV because it was more like a fight, albeit with someone 6"4 and twice my build.

Tbh I am scared of all the trouble it would cause. What if they though I was a bad mum for DC being in next room?

Did he give you the broken rib? Have you had medical treatment for it?

Social Services work like this. If you have been attacked/abused, sought help and got rid of your abuser to the best of your ability you will be regarded as a responsible and good parent. If your abuser pressurises you to return and you reject him to the best of your ability and ask for more help you will be regarded as a responsible and good parent. If you invite your abuser back into your home and act like nothing happened, you will be regarded as a contributing to a risk to your DC

I can't say 'don't be scared' because it's clear you're very scared. What I can say however is that others want to help you and it's important to make a call. I'm astonished at the reaction of the police quite honestly and can only assume you were unlucky to get the crappiest officers in the station. (You are in the UK?) Would urge you to call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 and also the police non-emergency number 101 and ask to speak to their DV team.

Yes I went to A&E

Please help.
I let him in last night, he would have woken DC. I thought he was going to rape me, I begged him to stop, I keep saying "please, no, stop" he got as far as putting his fingers inside me then stopped himself, had a go at me, accused me of seeing someone else (obviously I'm not).
I lay in bed all night with him, so scared.
Now he's a work.
He's set up home in the same little road. He will be checking up on me.
Now to make it even worse, a letter from bailiffs has arrived saying the have powers of entry and can use a locksmith.
I don't know where to turn. I will ring women's aid now but I don't know who can stop these bailiffs.

I rang the number on the WA website and finally got past the automated service without hanging up only to be told the number is no longer in use.
I don't know where to turn now.

You must call police. Must.
101.

But then it'll all get out of hand. They'll blame me for letting him in and encouraging him some how.

Ring 101 and ask to be referred to the Domestic Violence team. You are behaving exactly in the way a terrorised person would, you won't be blamed for your behaviour. He is the one who needs to be held accountable for what he has done.

Yes, call 101. Now.

So sorry this has happened. Things can improve. If you don't ring he will be back. You know that don't you?

Call now.x

It's too much. I can't. I will focus on DC and keep myself busy and see if things settle. Being off work is making things more difficult anyway.

Do you want your children growing up with this man around? What if his next target is them?

You need to speak to someone and urgently, if not for yourself for your kids. I am begging you to be strong and do this.

No of course I don't. I will be strong.

Have you called 101 and asked for the DV unit?
It's only a matter of time before he comes back and you need real life support.

No I haven't. I'm going back to work tomorrow even if it means being dosed up to eyeballs on pain killers. I'm going to be more independent and stop moping round waiting for something had to happen.

I think taking steps to be in control is a great idea. You're obviously a survivor AtSea.

I think you need professional support, I don't think any of us could deal with this alone, a rapist and attacker coming and going in your house.

Better day today. Back at work. Feeling more in control and independent.

That's good to hear! You definitely need some help with this though! Nobody needs to go through this alone and you don't deserve that! I wish you well!

I can't tell anyone in RL how bad things are.

Why don't you read your first post again:

'i can't let dc grow up like this' and 'what can I do?'

People have told you what to do! What has changed in the past couple of days that now you can let dc grow up like this?

Why can't you tell anyone?