He cheated

[Liedandcheatedto]

Today I found out my husband of 10 years has slept with 2 women. He has a Facebook profile in a fake name and has had countless disgusting conversations with women on there.

He left the page open accidentally on the laptop and I found it. We have a 5 year old DS.

I'm stunned. Numb. I don't know the man I am married to.

I've read threads about men having affairs so many times here. It's the one thing that I have always said I would never be able to get past. My whole world has fallen apart today.

Not sure why I'm posting but I can't sleep.

Sending best wishes to you, Lied, but have no words of wisdom.

Hand holding, take care! x

Lied I don't normally post on affair threads as I have no experience or advice but wanted to say that you are doing amazingly well so soon after finding out. Take your time with decisions. You know you own mind and I think you are stronger than you realise

Xx

OP what an awful shock you have had. I am glad that your parents are there for you and seem to be giving you some very good support and advice. You H has put you on a rollercoaster of immense proportions, and its not surprising the feelings you are going through.

Take care of yourself and your DS and know that there are people here supporting you too.

It's good to hear from people who have been through this. Feeling a bit sad this morning. Sad that he's not here to spend the day with us. I'm reminding myself that that's not my fault though.

He is coming to see DS on Monday and I have asked him not to contact me over the weekend.

Couldn't sleep again last night and found myself on benefits calculators. If it comes to it and we split then we will be ok financially. That's a bit of a relief to find out. At least I know I can support us.

Hope I don't feel so sad all day.

well done for checking out the finance side of things That's a really positive step. Just concentrate on today. You have no need to hurry your decisions.

Thanks, I'm just getting ready for today. Hair done and make up on, it feels like a good mask.

Surprised that DS hasn't mentioned H at all today. Last night for the first time I had to lay down with him in bed and he kept saying don't leave Mummy. I said I'm only downstairs, what's wrong? He asked if daddy has left. Broke my heart. I've kept up the lie and said of course not he's just at work. He's not stupid though, he knows something isn't right. My poor boy. He doesn't deserve any of this.

Will update tonight.

somebody told me that children often worry that the second parent may desert them too. It broke my heart. I just gave mine loads of cuddles & told them I would always be there for them. It is often the fear of the unknown that frightens them. Good luck for today m You're doing brilliantly.

Hope you're doing ok op

Lots of great advice above.

Thank you. I'm well and truly in a spitting livid phase. Have told him not to come tomorrow, I'm not putting myself out for him to see DS. We can arrange access in a week or so, it's too soon right now.

Tomorrow I am sorting out money for myself and getting an std check. I think that's enough to cope with for one day.

I absolutely hate him and can't possibly see any chance of reconciliation right now.

Well done. You're doing everything right. One step at a time. X

Lied just offering my support to you too. You are in the right frame of mind, angry is good to get things sorted. Financially you should be fine. It all seems like a 'good clean cut' which is often the best way....it's a huge nasty shock, needs immediate practical looking at and will heal in the near future.
Sorry you have had such a shock, rather that than living with a serial arrogant callous deceitful lying cheater under your roof though.
...for you and your DS.

Well life is settling down. It was back to the school run today and a sense of routine I suppose. H came round this afternoon to see DS and told him that daddy was staying somewhere else at the moment as he had done something horrible to mummy. My heart absolutely broke. DS seems ok, he had a cry and wanted h to stay but was ok once he left. He's been asking me what daddy did, I just said we have just had an argument, what on earth do you tell young kids in this situation?

We talked on the phone last night and he is massively apologetic. He has booked an initial appointment with a counsellor and says he wants to try and make things work. I am so torn over what to do. When he was playing football with DS in the garden it was as if nothing had happened and DS was so happy. I just don't see how anyone can ever repair something like this though. Where do you even start?

I feel like everyone thinks I'm so stupid for even talking to him, for even considering some kind of reconciliation. If this had happened to someone else I would be the first to tell them to LTB. I'm just at a loss right now

You need time to think things through - you won't be able to make a decision for some time so you need to be patient.

I would download Shirley Glass's Not Just Friends if you want to do some reading while processing your thoughts and feelings.

Thanks Miss, will download that. I need things to fill the evenings at the moment.

I have been through similar, I let stbxh stay and we went for counselling, I didn't find it helpful as the counseller wanted to discuss the future and I wanted all the details of his affair, we ambled along for another few years I felt better but never trusted him, in the end I asked him to leave, he did but I took him back and he did it again 5 years later and is now with OW.

I still don't know full details of the affair as he lied so much.

So sorry you are going through this, take your time to decide whats best for you and DS.

What you've done is the right thing...even if you think you might give a second chance it is far too soon to make the decision and your h certainly mustn't know your even thinking of it.

To truly get your head around it you need to keep him away for a while.

He needs to feel the severity of what he's done. Unfortunately I think you have to think in terms of months rather than weeks :(

Fwiw you're doing great! X

You are being civil to him for the sake of the child you both have, that's a good thing. Don't make any decision right now, you can't possibly make any informed judgements on you and his future, if there even is one.

One thing though is you should meet with him to get the whole sordid story of what has been going on in your marriage, he needs to not just slink away and hope it will be forgotten, he has to actually tell you how and when he has deceived you, only then, once you have either accept or not accepted what's happened, do you make any decisions regarding you and him. Well done for staying strong.

Agree with Jan

And if he was that sorry why did he do it more than once? Etc etc.

There's a lot to process for you

Stay strong