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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not being told the truth - I am being harsh?

29 replies

Daffodil45 · 20/02/2014 19:39

I shall keep this to the point,but looking for some advice please,
Been with the OH for nearly 2 years, don't know their address except for the county, ( we don't live together).
All of our phone conversations are whilst they are driving and I've not met any of their family at all.
Found out last week that they had committed bigamy and that they hadn't told me, but assumed I must know as other people around us knew.
I'm totally humiliated as everyone seems to have known,except me and I don't know if I should end our relationship - I would add, had I have known I would not have gotten involved with them
Please help ??

OP posts:
Teeb · 20/02/2014 19:43

When you say he commited bigamy, you don't mean with you do you?

Meerka · 20/02/2014 19:43

don't know their address except for the county

after two years ?

You're being played. Big style.

You deserve a lot better than this.

btw, you call him/her "them"... is that to conceal his/her gender? just curious :)

marriednotdead · 20/02/2014 19:44

2 years?!

Even without finding out about the bigamy I'd have been asking searching questions long before now. Why has he not wanted to share ANY PART of the rest of his world with you?

Forget being humiliated, he's obviously an accomplished deceiver to have managed bigamy Hmm

Time for you to move on... Sorry.

Original poster
Daffodil45 · 20/02/2014 19:55

Just to clarify I am not the OW who he committed bigamy with
I am f and he is m lol
I've asked the obvious questions about meeting family but there has always been an excuse

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 20/02/2014 19:58

Did you find out about the bigamy from him? I'm guessing you didn't.

Not divulging his address, introducing you to his family or calling from home all point to at least one wife currently on the go. Seriously, you need to bin him forthwith.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 20/02/2014 19:58

That's because he's doing exactly the same thing with you -he's probably got someone else on the go this time as well!!

Only communicating with you when he's on his own and has privacy to call.
No meetings with family
No address.

Come ON!

Dump. This one is a waste of time.

GinUtero · 20/02/2014 19:59

So to clarify, have you not actually been to his house in the entire two years you've been seeing him, OP?

ThinkFirst · 20/02/2014 20:11

Don't know his address and he only talks to you while driving? I'm sorry to say this but yes, you are the OW and he's probably still married to at least one other woman. Do you really need to be advised to end it?

hickorychicken · 20/02/2014 20:21

Have you ever actually met OH?

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 20/02/2014 20:22

Surely you've answered your own dilemma?
I don't know if I should end our relationship - I would add, had I have known I would not have gotten involved with them
Read your own words and digest them.

In two years you've never spoken to him on the phone unless he's driving and you don't even know his address and yet you've accepted this?
How could anyone not know this isn't right? Hmm

WhoNickedMyName · 20/02/2014 20:32

You lost me at the point where you said that despite being in a relationship with him for 2 years you didn't know his address.

Then you say he's a known bigamist.

And you really don't know if you should end the "relationship".

Really?

Mum2Fergus · 20/02/2014 20:41

OP,how many times have you actually met him?

hickorychicken · 20/02/2014 20:43

Im really confused, I think we need a back story Op.

hickorychicken · 20/02/2014 20:43

How did you meet him?

Lweji · 20/02/2014 20:46

Sorry, but who did what?

hickorychicken · 20/02/2014 20:48

So, i am assuming you are in different countries? Hmm

Original poster
Daffodil45 · 20/02/2014 20:52

Yes I've met him as we met through work
We live 150 apart but work brings us together
We do get together at weekends, but not very often as has caring responsibilities which take priority( or does he now I'm thinking)
He told me himself about the bigamy as someone else was going to
The more I write things down the more stupid I'm feeling that I've got to this situation.
I'm fiercely independent and feel a complete idiot as my ex cheated and I have remained single for 6 years.
I let my guard down and let this idiot in.

OP posts:
hickorychicken · 20/02/2014 20:57

Go with your gut feeling OP if something doesnt feel right it probably isnt Thanks

Lavenderhoney · 20/02/2014 20:58

Er, he sounds heavily married to me.

Never been to his house? Busy weekends? Was he busy caring over all holidays like Christmas as well?

Has he been to your house or do you meet at hotels?

Who likes you enough to tell him to come clean or they will tell you? I would call them and find out what else he hasn't told you. Or save time and tell him its over.

Lweji · 20/02/2014 21:07

Who is bigamous? He has two other wives, or are you married to him?

hickorychicken · 21/02/2014 05:50

Op?

BitOutOfPractice · 21/02/2014 06:54

Oh op. You are the ow (unwittingly). He's obviously married. Just dump him. Sorry

Meerka · 21/02/2014 10:28

He is obviously very clever and quite charming, and rather good at explaining things away. But yes .... Dump.

Fairenuff · 21/02/2014 19:21

So he is married to two different women at the same time and you are his secret girlfriend on the side?

WhoNickedMyName · 21/02/2014 19:28

I don't think it's a case of this man being "rather good at explaining things away" at all.

More a case of the OP willing to believe any old shite, or turn a blind eye to the bleeding obvious, just to be in a relationship.

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