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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I will change

31 replies

dontwanttobeamug · 07/08/2006 21:57

I was with my partner for 1 and a half years although thankfully we never married, had kids or even moved in together so break up was pretty easy.

Reason for breakup was his terrible attitude to money, he was incapable of saving anything, he would get paid on the friday and it would all be spent on computer games and clothes by the saturday.

He was very immature, used to spend his time going around the streets in groups of lads in cars revving engines and 'hanging around' in car parks.

He was bossy, used to make snide comments at me about my house, my weight, my clothes and my appearance.

He was boring, relied on me to book everything that we were doing, relied on me to come up with ideas and relied on me to sort everything out.

There were loads more problems but to cut a long story short I told him I wanted to break up, he didnt want to so asked if we could just go on a break instead, he said if I give him a few months he would prove to me that he could change, said he was going to start to pay off his debts and start to save up, he was going to grow up a bit and change his attitudes.

Anyway this was 2 months ago, last week he got paid and told me he'd gone out and bought 2 ben sherman shirts, some puff daddy aftershave and loads of other silly things , he just doesnt get it at all so I told him it was over completely.

He said he wanted the chance to prove that he had changed but it seems to me that he isnt changing at all, last week he did exactly the same thing with the money situation!

Do people like this change or am I better off out of it?

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 07/08/2006 21:58

Not him again, you have posted on this before have you not ??

Walk away from him.

hunkermunker · 07/08/2006 21:59

Have you posted about him before?

If you're who I think you are - well done! Now stay away from him - go and find yourself a grown-up to have a relationship with!

He won't change.

Caligula · 07/08/2006 22:00

I think you know the answer to this.

FGS walk away. You only have one life, why spend it with a loser like this.

WideWebWitch · 07/08/2006 22:01

And the upside is?

Agree with others, he sounds horrible!

jellyjelly · 07/08/2006 22:09

Leave rate your self higher.

wartywarthog · 07/08/2006 22:17

WALK AWAY - HE WON"T CHANGE!!! no, capslock not on by mistake... know you've posted about him before. well done for finally giving him the push. what a loser!

expatinscotland · 07/08/2006 22:18

Well, you asked.

DTMFA.

Dump the mutha fucka already.

lemonstartree · 08/08/2006 08:46

why are you even asking ? the guy is a loser - immature and pathetic. Do you not think you deserve anyone better ???

Dump him and NEVER speak to him again. Finish

he will not change

mawbroon · 08/08/2006 09:35

Doesn't sound like he's going to change to me....

If in time he seems to have changed, I would still be wary. My personal philosophy is that an ex is an ex for a reason and that you should never to go back with one. There will probably be umpteen people who now come on and post stories of getting back with an ex and living happily ever after, but that was always my rule.

Good luck

liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 09:47

"used to make snide comments at me about my house, my weight, my clothes and my appearance"

  • Any man that does that is not worth the hassle, sounds like he's already succeeding in driving down your self-esteem if you think that sort of thing would be ok - walk away and good riddance.

There's someone out there who thinks you're beautiful and would be deeply hurt at the thought of anyone calling you names or making you feel bad - go and find him!

HappyDaddy · 08/08/2006 09:49

Some people can change but only if they want to. Sounds like he thinks he's onto a good thing with you. Stay away and let him bleed someone else dry.

wilbur · 08/08/2006 09:52

No, he will not change until he really wants to, and changing because you ask him is not the same and will never stick. Get rid of him - there are some wonderful men out there in the world and you deserve one of those.

MrsBigD · 08/08/2006 09:54

walk away! by what you've written he won't change, especially if he already reverts back to old habits after 2 months... you're better off without him

fairyfly · 08/08/2006 09:57

Puff Daddy after shave would be the final straw for me.

FioFio · 08/08/2006 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HappyDaddy · 08/08/2006 10:07

I did laugh at Puff Daddy aftershave. LOL

fairyfly · 08/08/2006 10:15

Theres definitly no going back after that. How do you build bridges after such a huge mistake.

Seriously, it's a waste of time waiting for someone to grow up, it doesn't happen in two months. Call it a day and if you bump into him in five years and he has been weaned off the breast then maybe it would work.

I can't stop laugihng at the thought of a bloke driving around in a Ben Sherman shirt with his homeys and his P Diddy eau de toilet criticising someone else about their style and weight. I think he w0ould be better off wanking over one of the sims.

FioFio · 08/08/2006 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colditz · 08/08/2006 10:17

If you are ever tempted by this bloke again, recall this.

HE SPENT GOOD MONEY ON PUFF DADDY AFTERSHAVE.

he's a knob, you are better than that

Original poster
dontwanttobeamug · 08/08/2006 10:23

Thanks everyone, I thought as much...

I feel bad taking the piss out of him today as his grandad died last night .

It makes me laugh though, he needed the aftershave despite the fact that at home he has 2 bottles of Joop, a bottle of Hugo boss and a bottle of Armani.

He also needed the tops despite the fact that he buys himself new clothes every month.

I'm just bored of the whole thing, Ive been waiting for over a year for him to change but I can't help but think "maybe he will this time" as he said me dumping him has given him a kick up the backside.

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 08/08/2006 10:24

you've not posted one positive thing about him.

He's a sponger, a waster and sounds like a complete twat.

hunkermunker · 08/08/2006 10:24

re his grandad.

But DO NOT let him wheedle his way back into your life.

He brings nothing good to it (and iirc he's not all that kind to your children?).

Cappucino · 08/08/2006 10:29

what is this guy's aftershave obsession?

wouldn't want him in my house tbh; the smell would be overpowering

Original poster
dontwanttobeamug · 08/08/2006 22:52

I have a dilema.

He wants to come and see me and last time we spoke about us breaking up I said "I dont know, we'll have to see what happens". I said this to get him to shut up about it basically but he has seen it as a ray of light...

Anyway his grandad has just died and he's going on about looking foward to seeing me etc, how do I stay firm with him knowing what he's going through with a bereavement??

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 23:01

I know it'll be really hard but be strong and say what you mean - you're really sad for him at the moment, you can be there as a friend (if you feel you can) but you're not getting back together with him. It's better than leading him on out of pity and ending up trapped back in a relationship you don't want to be in.

Does he have other friends he could seek support from? Perhaps if he seems really upset after you've told him what you want you could ring them and ask them to support him as you don't feel you can at the moment, if they're real friends they'll understand.

Whatever you do DON'T end up 'comforting' him IYKWIM