The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wading Through Winter Blues Without The Booze!

[Mouseface]

I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU.

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you. And of course all addictions, so if you are taking drugs of any kind, prescription or otherwise, you're very welcome here too!

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's all in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always. :)

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST EVER THREAD

And the most recent so you can work your way back through time IS JUST HERE

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that YOU seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

Mouse xxx

Morning babes

Good to see some new babes here.

I'm just checking in so won't nc. I'm recovering from a foul d&V virus and have seen far too much of the inside of the loo. But what really came to me is that i used to regularly inflict this on myself,by choice.
I had a monster headache yesterday,exactly like a monster hangover and spent all day in bed trying not to vom.

It really did feel like a hangover. Wish I could bottle the feeling and hand it out to anyone who's thinking of having a big drinky- would put them right off.

I'm feeling much better and looking forward to some dry toast,maybe a cup of weak tea- rock'n'roll.

Thinking of you all and wishing you the best.

I won't be drinking today even if I was able to

Thanks Venus. It always seems to take me to around Wednesday to sleep well again and feel sprightly. It's weird....all of this has just sort of hit me recently. I mean I knew I was drinking too much in the sense that a lot of my friends do, mummy friends included....but that doesn't mean I have to be ok with it. I also found my behaviours towards it changing which just makes me want to cry with fear. I am 'thinking about drinking' and this just upsets me so much. I am an anxious person anyway. I went through a difficult time last year for other reasons and the doctor offered me AD's. I was terrified of becoming addicted to them so took St. John's wort instead for a good few months. I think it helped. Does anyone here think I should take them again? I'm feeling massively anxious about all this 'addiction' crap that I'm upsetting myself at work these last few days.

I don't specifically 'do' anything outrageous when I'm drinking, I don't blackout, don't miss work or any of my parenting duties ifyswim but I still know that I drink way too much and it's not just my approach to alcohol that's unhealthy, it's my mind. I'm 'thinking' about drinking in the sense that I 'plan' it.

I know I've said a lot already but I find this in itself terrifying.

Sorry for the prolific posting.

I can't get it out of my head that there was blood in my sick yesterday. This is what has tipped me over the edge. It was only a tiny amount but I've convinced myself now that I've damaged my stomach lining or liver. I just can't go to the GP about this. I can't. Do you think I've done something permanent? Is there anything I could take?

ma agree with looking those control pants make me look worse (and feel squashed and unable to breath, so end up going bright red!) the wobbly bits just pop out somewhere else - usually in an odd place so I end up looking very bizarre! You could get one of those body things which control from the top down - try several on, don't just guess - but if nothing else, as others have said, it's YOU people are interested in, not your knickers.

Emergency weight loss - drink tons of water between now and then; try abdominal crunches for a few days - they "tighten" the muscles.

Evening babes
Dear god, got through today by the skin of my teeth. I went to the supermarket and got cash out with the intention of 100% going to the off license (don't sell alcohol in supermarkets here) to buy a bottle of wine. Somewhere in those next 20 seconds I persuaded myself not to and I am so fucking thankful. Now I know I'll sleep well and wake up without the guilt and hangover.

I'm finding it so hard at the moment though....bloody hell. Oh to be a normal drinker and not have these constant thoughts.
xx

wanna oh babe, I could have written your post myself, my drinking pattern is exactly the same as yours and my anxiety issues sound similar too. First of all the tiny bit if blood is almost certainly a tiny tiny burst blood vessel caused by wretching, it's happened to me and I was as freaked as you and alcohol will excasbarate your anxiety tenfold. I do believe everything happens for a reason and you have had a big fright but at least you and your dp want to make positive changes. I am on an anti anxiety anti depressants which have saved my soul but in your case I think cutting down or stopping for a few weeks might be all you need to reassure yourself and minimise your anxiety, be good to yourself with vitamins, water and fresh air and I bet you'll feel much better very soon xx ma how are you feeling today? I bet you will be a bobby dazzler and for the record the wrap works straight away, big hugs to all my lovely babe friends old and new (in the bus sense) xx

Thanks baby. I just never paid much attention to my drinking habits before now and throwing up like that really smacked me up the face. I mean yeah sure I questioned myself and I would almost certainly feel rough at least twice a week but in the last head or so my drinking has moved to Sundays as well. I find myself suffering with hangovers less and less. For me, that's a dangerous sign. I'm 35 and am so worried I've damaged my liver. I'm terrified to even ask for the test in case it's flagged up at the GP's? Part of me thinks I'm running ahead of myself (I have form for this, think health anxiety and counselling) but deep down I know this isn't right.

Today I'm buying some milk thistle and books to do some self help. Any recommendations?

Afternoon all,

wanna it's a really good thing that you are addressing how you feel about drinking as you say,there are lots and lots of women who cheerfully get the wine out every night and are comfortable with that. You're not anymore,so this is a great place to be

Pretty much every babe here has had similiar health worries. I'm not going to minimise how you feel but honestly, there are people who drink like a whale and live to a ripe old age. The liver is amazing at healing so if you give your body a break you will undo any damage caused.

Can I make a suggestion? Please read back through the bus threads. You will see that we have all been there - hence no judgy pants.

I agree with venus that sometimes the big struggle comes after the immediate worries have passed. The bus is here every day to help get through. Good luck.

Think I'm over my D&V bug now- delightful!

So hi to wanna and baby and sober and joey and looking and oooh everyone x

louiseaaa I just wanted to get back to you because you were very kind to me on the dry thread when I was going through yet another existential crisis and because we both have a rather unhealthy relationship with the demon drink!
I hope you are feeling a little better and have made it successfully through the first few days- I had to go to bed at 7 ish for a bit and remember holding onto my book very,very tightly indeed. But you will know,that by day 4 those cravings subside for a while- just till the next time. With enough time they fuck the fuck off altogether.

Stick with the bus and keep posting,there is lots and lots of support to be had here. I think that long term sobriety is difficult to maintain and that it's normal to lapse at times,gives you a reason to get back on the wagon and carry on. How are you doing?

Thanks so much. I'm at work today and have been busy so it's refreshing not to have the manic panicking thoughts ravaging my head.
If someone has form for over drinking or over thinking about drinking - so they already have a 'problem'? If the idea of not drinking socially or moderately anymore makes me feel worried , does that mean I have a problem?

Reading some of the AA literature scares the hell out of me. It seems so, I dunno, ^militant'....like I have to give myself a 'label' right now or that means I've not faced up to it?

awww, thank you all
feel better today - last night was just a meltdown I think.
Gorgeous electrician who is on my table phoned and asked if its ok if he wears his kilt?
thud
wanna - welcome - this is a good place
waves to all - gotta run. Just over 24 hours to go..................

ma hot electrician in a kilt you say? You know it's possible to upload photos now...just saying! Bet you look great in your dress.

wanna cutting down or stopping drinking will do wonders for anxiety.

Aa is great if you are ready and want to go. I went for quite a while,while I was there I met many people who drank quantities I barely knew existed and I met people like me who had a few too many, a little too often. There were people who could stay sober for months on end but when they drank it was a car crash scenario.

Only go to aa if you are comfortable with the idea of long term sobriety. If you do then you will receive lots of support. Why not stop drinking for a week and just see how you do? There are different ways of tackling quitting so you could research which one is best for you.

If you get to the end of a week /month/whatever and you can't stop then aa would be an excellent option.

Just checking in to say that I've done 24 hours and feel like shit but was expecting that.

Just a quick check in. RL busy at the mo.
Big wave to all the new babes, keep posting XX
Day 11 of DM for me and tbh I REAAALY want a drink, well a lot of drinks ...
Will keep going today as long as poss...
Sorry not to NC, will catch up properly later.
Love this bus xx

Thanks Guggenheim. Relationships with alcohol can be so different can't they? My mother and father are both alcoholics. Great parents you know, we didn't miss out or anything and we are close, but like so many families, it's kind of ignored and no one has ever actually called them on it, even though it's acknowledged between us siblings. My mum is getting older now and drinks less, whereas my dad had gone the other way and is risking his health in so many ways: he drinks alone well into to the small hours and after drinking guiness all his life, now hits the straight vodka to get a better hit.

I was thinking so hard about my drinking habits recently and I've realised that I switched my drink from beer to vodka because I joined a slimming group and realised it had less points. I absolutely know that a unit of alcohol is a unit of alcohol and there's no less or more shame in different types of drink...but I KNOW I have changed drinking vodka. Not my mood or behaviour because one saving grace is that I've always been a jolly 'drunk', never get aggressive or argumentative but by god I shocked myself at how much I 'needed' for a beer buzz. I just got bloody greedy on the stuff and so much more than with other drinks.

My mum used to drink vodka and while she has switched to the odd glass of wine now in her later years, she's a better person for it. A fall down the stairs on vodka did it for her. She won't touch it now.
Can anyone identify with this? Can certain drinks make you greedier?

Right now i feel like I've poisoned myself and the idea of a drink makes me want to cry. I've never felt like this before. I'm not sure if stopping completely is what I'm aiming for...

Isn't it amazing how, despite everything, the fears, the health scares, the hangovers, the shame, the regret - we still want to drink. The idea of giving up drink is just too awful to contemplate.

We have two choices. We can keep drinking until the eventual rock bottom, or we can start to make changes now.

wanna when I started to realise that my drinking was a problem, I was very much like you are now. I was scared, absolutely terrified of three things.

1. That I would have to drink like this forever
2. That I would have to stop drinking
3. That, whichever I did, I would have to do it on my own

The great news is, if you just start getting some AF days under your belt, it gets easier. The fear diminishes, the fog lifts, the despair slinks away and it makes all those other AF days much easier to tackle.

I couldn't get through a week without a drink, even five days in a row were a struggle. Now, with all the great support and advice on this bus, I can happily go from one day to the next just putting off that first drink.

I can go a week, a month, six weeks, no problem. This year I've done dry February and am doing dry March and have lost 15lbs without trying very hard at all. It all starts with One Day. Just one day. That's all it takes.

Oh, and I post here quite a lot, almost daily. That helps a lot

Rural how are you doing, is this your danger time? The day is almost over, just see it through. Come and let us know how you're doing.

Soc well done for changing your mind. It's good to hear that there's no alcohol in your supermarkets, that must be so helpful if you're trying to avoid it.

Hi to all x

Checking in.

Hi checking in,

hope I've not heard about my friend's funeral yet. However as we worked together I suspect I won't be able to go - we have already been told we won't be allowed time off if it falls during work hours...

wanna I totally relate to the "drink greed" I'm a white wine drinker and I too switched to vodka for slimming world purposes snd was astonished at how I needed to guzzle to get "the warmth". Beer and wine get you there quicker and that's the plain truth of it!!! I think you should try and have a wee break from all alcohol for a wee bit and decide your long term plan, As faire very wisely said, it seems so difficult to achieve but as your mood and well being get better, you will find a strength you never knew you had. My love to all and I'm so excited for you ma big hugs xxx

Mid wagon fall, so disappointed in myself.

I guess I'll be in the sidecar feeling sorry for myself tomorrow

I'm also very sorry I aren't naming others or trying to help them. I feel like this is where I am saying it to me, I do not feel strong enough to encourage other people yet.

Hi there fated there really isn't an agenda on the thread- no need to nc unless you want to. Lots of us post about ourselves and just know that there will be someone about who understands.

What are you aiming for? Sobriety? controlled drinking? a small break?

Do not feel disappointed,this is a odaat thing. For most of us there are days we feel strong and days where we need the bus to help or days where we chuck ourselves head first into the side car- no one judges whatever decision has beed made.

Can you get a big glass of water or stop at this glass?

today involves vodka, as did yesterday and the day before. Tis a bit dark in this neck of the woods right now:( If only I could believe my hubby when he says 'it'll be ok' He's burying his head in the sand and I'm drowning in vodka.

Sorry:(

Hey, just checking in.

Second turn with homelessness. Got an apartment I cant really afford, and its only temporary, but it will do for now.

Still fine. Still waiting. Still sober.

Love to all. Will read back and update later in details.

louisaaa and rural well done on your achievements- keep going.

why thanks for checking in,so sorry you aren't back at home.Well done for staying sober

'Lo there to faire and I'm and annie and baby

50 what's happening? Are you ok?