Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i have found out 2 friends of mine are having an affair, and i am sickened.

38 replies

misdee · 07/08/2006 12:07

i dont know what to do!

OP posts:
SueW · 07/08/2006 12:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 12:09

they have kids. both of them.

i feel sorry for the wife of his.

OP posts:
thechildsslave · 07/08/2006 12:12

Stay out of it . You dont have to do anything .

Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 12:12

why stay out of it? i know, shoot the messenger right?

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 12:15

but they are shagging in the same house as the kids.

OP posts:
mazzystar · 07/08/2006 12:29

Yuck. I would make them aware that you know (that's if they haven't actually told you themselves), so that they at least have the opportunity to be more discreet. And then stay out of it.

fattiemumma · 07/08/2006 12:32

I would confront the one who is married. tell them they have one week to stop or you will spill the beans.

i know there are many who say stay out of it but how would they feel if there partner was having an affair and the person could have stopped it or at least warned you about it but didnt?

it is unfair and, if they are in the house with chidlren completly iresponsible to put children in a postion where theyt o may discover and have to lie!

they are both disgusting people whom i woudl no longer consider freinds.

jellyjelly · 07/08/2006 12:36

I was the almost wife to be 2 weeks before wedding and i wish i had been told and sat down rather than knowing that everyone knew and feeling humiliated. I would tell and i have done in the past.

FloatingOnTheMed · 07/08/2006 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellyjelly · 07/08/2006 12:50

For me everyone knew which was bad but they werent going to tell me until i said my wedding vows you know when the registrar say the bit about not know ing any reason. I will tell without a doubt.

kimi · 07/08/2006 13:25

oh poor you to have to deal with this, i know how it feels.
DHs brothers wife was having an affair with a friend of mine and i did not know what to do, i told him to stop it and i told her, in the end i told my DH and he told his brother, but as you say shoot the messanger DHs brother had a go at me and DH would not talk to him for 2 years. When DHs sister was told by a friend of hers that her hubby was playing away she made the friends life hell.
Myself, i would want to know but think of the fall out all ways round before you say anything.
Good luck

Kathlean · 07/08/2006 13:46

If you are 110% positive - tell.

They are compromising the childrens innocence.

hermykne · 07/08/2006 13:49

agree with fattiemummy.
confront the one who know best.

Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 16:37

urgh, i know even more. its turning my stomache.

OP posts:
ocd · 07/08/2006 16:38

do not get involved

Alipiggie · 07/08/2006 17:02

Please please confront them. Like jellyjelly as a woman who found out her h was having an affair I would much rather have been told than have found out. Just found out last week, that he's been lying and the affair has only just finished .

SittingBull · 07/08/2006 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mustrunmore · 07/08/2006 17:05

Speaking from experience, I'd say keep your head down and deny all knowledge, else you'll get blamed for encouraging it.And dont put yourself in any position where you could be used as an alibi by either party.

robinpud · 07/08/2006 17:18

misdee- can sympathise; two of our closest friends who are not married to each other, but both have partners and children, were all over each other at a function where most people had gone home and they thought they were unseen.. but they weren't.
I am staying out of it but finding it very hard to look the innocent parties in the eye. Dh was appalled.

wannaBe1974 · 07/08/2006 18:46

Don't get involved. If you tell you are complicit in destroying a marriage, even though it's the people having the affair who are effectively destroying their own relationships. What they're doing is wrong but imo it's not your place to interveen, especially as there are children involved.

Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 18:50

what if they arent RL friends IYKWIM......

OP posts:
wannaBe1974 · 07/08/2006 18:53

are they actually shagging? or just having syber sex?

Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 18:54

they are actually shagging.

OP posts:
WelshBoris · 07/08/2006 18:55

How did you find out?

Original poster
misdee · 07/08/2006 18:56

have been told by her what she is upto with him.

OP posts: