i have found out 2 friends of mine are having an affair, and i am sickened.

[misdee]

i dont know what to do!

it's very difficult. The moral part of me would want to tell, but the rassional one thinks that if you tell you could break up a marriage that otherwise might not end. What they're doing is dispickable, but maybe it's just a fling, maybe they'll go back to their respective partners, never stray again, and the partner will never know and thus never get hurt. If my dh had an affair and it had ended, I'm not sure I would want to know, purely because it would wrip my life apart and that of my ds. If they have plans to be together and leave their respective partners, then ultimately one of them will tell.

If you want my brutal answer Misdee, Id butt out

Leave them to it, get on with your own busy life and stop posting about it

I would stay out of it.

yes WB i will leave it now, was just after advice.

hmmm ... if she told you could it be that she did so because she thought you might tell his wife? could it be that she wants him to leave his wife but knows he won't so by telling someone it might get back to the wife as it were? If that's the case I would stay well away, let them do their own dirty work.

Wannabe - i think misdee implied that these arent RL friends, and therefore, its unlikely she would know the wife. Just the friends. Is that right misdee?

I'd be fucking furious she used me to spill the beans to get it off her chest. I'd feel bloody used and tell her so.

In fact, it would jeapordise the friendship.

Keep it to yourself or don't do it at all! What's w/unloading on your 'friends'? That's not something I'd do to a friend b/c I'd think it would make them feel guilty and leave them in a moral lurch, and that's not something I want to do to my friends.

Alipiggie,

Are you OK didn't realise that you had separated!!

Old Mnetter New Name

hi Alipiggie Ninah here. So sorry about your dh I remember what you went through. I am back in Rugby at the mo, I don't know what I told you or didn't but basically my father was ill for ages and died a month ago so I'm in his house atm. My p also had an 'affair' while I was 7 months pregnant using times when I was off caring for dad as windows of opportunity ... and yes, he denied it, and it's almost certainly going on.
Sorry for hijack. In answer to thread I think honesty really is the best policy I would only have respect for a friend who might have enlightened me, you need to work with truth tho, there is nothing more humiliating that being lied to. Although I do know women who would turn a blind eye usually ones who value the cover more than the book iykwim - if this is the case than yes stay out

Sorry for the Hijack misdee. Thanks all for your concern. Every day is different but I've made some incredible supportive friends here. Right now I'm at the do this for me and the boys stage and once I've got that all important card. Then we'll see if h's no better I'm going kick him and her into touch. They both deserve it for taking me for a mug twice. Right now can do nothing but have a good cry when needed and steal loads of hugs and kisses from my gorgeous boys

Personally I would warn the married one give a time limit and then tell, I've done it before and I would do it again no matter what the fallout it will happen regardless...

My mother caught my Father having an affair with her best friend...she told me one of the worst parts was when she realised everyone knew and just kept quiet!!

but it's really your call.

SittingBull - ITA about marriage being a public committment and why do it if it's just a personal thing. I also agree that speaking to the husband would be the best option if you do decide to do anything. It's up to him to tell his wife/end the affair/do nothing. The onus isn't on you. Nothing wrong with you telling him that he you think he's being an arse though.