DH plays a lot of poker. Bordering on semi-professional, he has a winning record. I know this as I see our bank statements. I see what he withdraws at the beginning of an evening and what he puts back in at the end of the evening.
We have both enjoyed a more comfortable life from some of the extra cash he has brought in, which is like a third salary.
When we were first together he played poker a lot, I assumed it was just a hobby that he played with friends, but since we moved in together and subsequently got married I realised that it is in a professional context with strangers at a card room in London. I have visited him and watched some of his games and they are quite formal with high stakes.
I have a problem dealing with it and I'm not totally sure why. Sometimes DH can spend all night playing. He can leave the house at 5pm after work, and not get back til 5am. Often he has to work the next day and becomes exhausted, moody and unavailable.
When he wins he is happy, but the occasional time that he loses he gets very angry and takes it out on everyone around him. DH is on holiday from work at the moment, but for three nights now he has been out all night playing. He suffered a loss the first night and came back at 6am very angry. He said that I had caused him stress during the day and he had not gone to poker in the right mood. He compared himself to a professional athlete and said that the spouses of professional athletes have to be careful not to upset them before a game because the stakes are so high. He also says that he needs to retain testosterone because it makes him more aggressive during the game, and so refuses to have sex when he goes.
On average he goes three times a week, but recently due to his holiday it's been quite intense.
The reason he feels I upset him was because I had complained to him about something in the house - not doing the housework - and we had a bit of bickering before he left for the card room.
But to be blamed for him losing I think is outrageous. He is a grown man making his own decisions, I have not cost him a loss by communicating with him like any other DW to her DH.
Does his anger when he loses point towards the fact he could be addicted? Whenever I bring up the possibility of an addiction he gets extremely upset and angry with me. And he reminds me how much I enjoy the life his extra earnings afford us. (He made about £70K tax free from playing poker last year and it has helped us hugely with the mortgage and looking after both of our ill parents.)
We are TTC at the moment and I have been using OPKs. According to the OPKs, tonight is the night. I've told him, but he's not coming home to DTD.
AIBU or is he BU?
What should I do?