Visits from h

[sykes]

Since my h left I've allowed unlimited access to dds (for THEIR benefit) whenever we're at home. H still has keys to the door and is in the house quite a lot - ie, Monday evenings until fairly late, Thursdays when our nanny is there, Saturday mornings unless he takes them out and Sunday evenings. Also used to be Wednesday but he stoppoed coming as it was "difficult". I want to keep the dds happy so this is why I've allowed this to happen. Do you think this is good/bad for the girls? We hope to move at some point so it will have to change - also it upsets me quite a lot - h now lives with gf. Just wondered if any thoughts? Thanks.

Hi Sykes - just seen the thread. When my XP left me, DS was only just over a year. While he didn't keep a key to my flat, he did come round a lot. DS was always so pleased to see his D. This arrangement lasted for about 6 months, then XP moved away from the area and started to see DS about once a week. This stayed as it was for quite a while. All changed in 2000 when I met DH - now XP sees S once a fortnight. But because we've stayed on good terms (despite me wishing him dead on a number of occasions early on) things are much easier now. Skyes, if your H is causing you difficulty then ask for the keys back - you've got to think of yourself. But the advantage to you is that you have a ready made babysitter if you want to go out - so he still has his uses! Hope this helps.

Thanks for the replies. Bugsy - I was going to interview his gf as well but couldn't face it - got a friend to do it. Rather cowardly but doubt I could have remained civil. We spent a lot of yesterday arguing via e-mail. I had stoppped that but got drawn into it. He ended up very upset which makes a pleasant change. Although it didn't make me feel particularly good and I ended up feeling rather sorry for him. Bizarre.

Sykes just thought I should mention that if you and your X2B sort out custody arrangements you can do nothing about who the girls see when they are with him - I hate the fact that x2b dumps DD with his mother and god forbid my stepmonster but whilst she is in his care there is nothing I can do about it!!

I know that, Twinkie - I've known since he moved out. Doesn't mean I can't voice my views, though. And I do hope he still has the girls' interests at heart. I've allowed unlimited access since he moved out so he should respect my wishes too - it is about give and take and I didn't want the girls to suffer. I said in January it was okay for them to meet and he respected my wishes (with some pushing) until that date so it works both ways. And as, deep down somewhere, he's a decent, kind person he wants to do the best for the girls and having seen elder dd's upset I hope he's taking the sensitive approach (which he mostly has) for their sake. And he knows I'm doing kick boxing.