Sex issues

[Nostromo]

My OH has an extremely high libido. He would happily have sex every day, twice a day with a few knuckle shuffles thrown in for good measure.

I could quite happily never have sex again. It truly wouldn't bother me.

This difference in libidos is causing a problem. My OH will sit in his room for hours on eBay, barely spend ten minutes with me in 24 hours and then come in and ask if I'm up for it?

We have four kids, the oldest is 15, the youngest 10.

When I do capitulate, he lays back and asks me to be 'nice to him' his way of asking for a BJ. He always tries to get me to have anal sex and I just don't want that, thank you very much, but he never leaves it alone and constantly fiddles with my bum, saying I'd like it if I gave it a go.

I've tried telling him I'm not a porn star (he watches a lot of porn) and that those women have enemas and if he did it with me he'd get poo on him, but he just says he'll wear a condom.

When we do have sex he acts like he's in a porn film, and constantly asks if he can film close ups of our genitals doing it.

To be frank, I don't want to have sex with him anymore because of all these off putting sexual demands. He keeps trying to fist me and tells me if I just put up with a little pain he'll be successful and he gets all sulky and like a little boy when I tell him to stop, cos it hurts.

Physically, I don't find him attractive. He's got a big beer belly and cold flabby skin with wiry hairs and his breath is like sour meat at times.

I know, I'm moaning a lot, I know I'm not perfect either, but am I being unreasonable?

I don't think it's made up .

You haven't got sex issues Op , you've got abuse issues .

What do you want OP?

I'm thinking he's not on e bay when he says he is!

Tbh you just need to get the fuck out, sorry to be so unhelpful but you seriously must know this.

Yes it's not easy to leave it I'd rather live in a box than live with this Neanderthal.

In your OP you said he'd sit in HIS ROOM LOOKING AT EBAY FOR HOURS.

Does he have his own room? What's he doing on e-Bay?

He sounds like a complete twat/waste of space to me (sorry), but I know I couldn't cope with a partner watching porn nor the lack of communication.

If he was ok before then he's been corrupted by the porn he watches.

Demand he stops watching it so you can get back the man you had before.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your frank honesty.

Yes I did post years ago about pretty much the same thing - relationship issues, etc.

(Sighs) I don't know how to make him go. He'll say it's his house.

What do you want? Do you want him to leave the house? Tell us about that.

You say he's OH - are you married? Have you ever investigated the admin of what your options are if you split up?

Are you married? In which case it's as much your house as his. The relationship sounds depressing and demoralising. You might benefit from speaking to a solicitor about starting divorce proceedings, what you would be entitled to in the way of support etc. Even if you're not married I would still suggest seeking legal advice about how to end the relationship and get the best deal you can for you and your kids.

It doesn't sound as there is much (if any) affection in the relationship and that communication is virtually non-existent. What is there to stay for?

We've paid off the mortgage, so we own outright. Both our names are on the deeds.

Ideally, I'd like to stay here with the kids until they've all finished school, then get a smaller place. It'd be less disruption for them. He could go live with his parents.

Have you had legal advice?

About achieving that house situation I mean.

I don't think I've ever heard anything more upsetting. Please for your own physical and mental health get yourself away from this awful situation. There is absolutely nothing normal in what's going on here. He sounds abhorrent.

No legal advice. Where would I get that without him finding out until I was ready? CAB? Solicitors? Wouldn't I have to pay?

I feel for you Op I've had something similar . I think it's a bit abusive man meets porno = monster.

I would move into another bedroom , there's no reason to continue to share a room with him and no reason to carry on letting him sexually abuse you .

Legal aid rules have changed , but you can get legal aid if you can prove your being abused , a referral to a domestic violence agency ect .

Very sad.

I can't believe he tries to fist you!!! That's so cruel and very abusive. Treating you like a piece of meat. I find it completely vile. Dirty fat bastard leering over some porn concluding that you should do the acts with him. Fucking yuk!!

Almost all solicitors will give you a free half hour to talk through things I suggest you get to one tomorrow and start the proceedings to LTB.

Life is so precious you should thrive for more than him.

"Strive"?

What on earth makes you think you should put up with this?

It's appalling.

Imagine your kids staying in a relationship like this.

Tell him the relationship is over and you are never having sex with him again.

And mean it.

When that message gets through, and if you also no longer take on his domestic tasks, he will go.

I agree with the dirty fat bastard comment.

Op don't let him do this anymore , it's soul destroying to be treated like this.

OMG. Is this for real? Please just get out of there. There could never be even 1 reason to put up with this shite.

I'd be fisting the horrible little wanker with the aid of a broken glass bottle but then again Im not known for my kindness with horrible fuckwits like this.

I would never have sex again if he was the only option - he isn't going to change, I think he will probably get progressively worse. The concern is, are you going to put up with it?