Feel like a mug ... DH had an affair with my 'best friend'

[mug090]

Found out last night, had suspicions for a while and snooped through his phone ( low I know) and discovered multiple texts between them , some discussing what a nice weekend away they had together... he told me it was a business trip.

Best friend and OH work together, she introduced me to him a good 7 years ago !! best friend is single and has 2 children, I feel like a mug. My so called best friend has been shopping with me, helped me redecorate our bedroom which she most likely slept with DH in whilst I was on night shift.

They have had this affair going for 3 months so he says, could be longer. At the moment I feel nothing is that normal ? what is normal anymore, I love him and yet I want to throw him off a cliff, I don't have anyone to turn to my best friend was the one i'd talk to. Spoke to my mother and im going to stay there for the next few weeks need to get out of that house despite it being mine.

Best friends and OH have moved in together not sure if it's permanent .. don't want to know, not sure what they have told her kids who know me and my OH very well.

I'm such a mug, she is this super skinny, big boobed beautiful woman, I have always lived in her shadow being short and plain... and now I have lost my OH to her.

I'm sorry I need to write this down, I need opinions I don't know what to do next. He sent me a text this morning explaining he regrets it that he loves me and she was his weakness . He wants to meet up and talk it through, I don't want to see his face for a few weeks I need to sort myself out. Got work tonight not sure if I can face it, I feel everyone knows, everyone knows what a mug I am, that woman who's husband ran off with her best friend right under her nose.

At least you won't have the heartache of moving/selling the house and all that crap.

I too wouldn't be able to sleep in the same bed. I would be even looking to change bedrooms permanently. But that is later on, take it one day at a time and I love the message you forwarded the EX - friend

they are the mugs, they abused your trust
you are the better person, in time your life will be great
they will end up bored, she will cheat on him
he will want you back, you will re-invent yourself and not want him...

You do not deserve what has happened, but you have done nothing wrong,
this is the start of the rest of your life, please be kind and generous to yourself, pay them no mind, look down on them in the gutter, I would...

Get a few days off and the locks changed, really indulge in rest, space and your family, then get excited about the new you and don't look back please....

Huge Hugs to you.... and others who have experienced this.....x

Wow. What a pair of absolute twonks!

Honestly I despair of some people. OP, get down on your knees and THANK THE LORD your thick-as-pigshit, integrity-of-a-Foxton's-estate-agent OH has slipped up NOW, before you had the misfortune to share children and mortgage with the prat.

I mean - this is someone he's known for ages. So no, hardly a case of 'she came into my life and she was the one for me, couldn't resist blah.' No, this is someone who's been around, and single, for ages, and presumably at some point he decided he wanted to be with you when she was floating round available. Hardly romance of the century. More like - two stupid, available, dishonest people deciding why not. Cold light of day he's going to be kicking himself at losing you, his home, and your future plans. Especially if she's unlikely to be interested long term.

Oh, and her. 'Super-skinny big boobed (!!) beautiful woman' - um - looks like she hasn't exactly made the most of her, err, god-given assets then? So beautiful and desirable she makes do with dodgy cheats fancying a quick leg over? There's no reason why she should want a serious relationship, but there's every reason why she should be choosing available, honest and decent men wanting the same things as her for her dalliances - and I'm sorry, but if she were such a catch, she'd be able to get them. Either she isn't, or she's unfortunate enough to be someone who gets her kicks out of treating others badly and getting one over on people who are supposed to be her friends. If so, then she can be as skinny and busty as she likes, it's still not going to be much fun when even her mum's friends have her pegged as a nasty little cheat and a dishonest, crap friend. Looks like you probably aren't perceived as being 'in her shadow' as much as you might have thought. Perhaps she knows that, and that's why she thought she'd have a pop at your partner. Who cares? She's fucked up mightily and has lost MASSIVELY more here than you have.

You aren't a mug, either - or at least, as long as you stay away, change locks, tell him to fuck off you won't be. No-one will think that - why would they? You're hardly psychic. Now you know, and he's dumped. That's all they need to know and it won't be you whose ears are burning - it'll be theirs.

Stay well away from him if you think you might end up listening to his crap, because the one vital thing is that you KEEP HIM DUMPED. You are SO lucky that you aren't tied to him. This isn't a mistake/moment of madness/ whatever shit he might try and feed you - this is a nasty cheat who's shown his true colours. See him for what he is, fuck him off and go on to lead a happier life with a decent guy who'll be a great dad to your kids. Oh, and just to clear up one final thing - yes he'll do it again. They never change and they ALWAYS do it again!

I'm not saying for one minute that you should let this man back into your life. But what I would say, is that in this situation 'the other woman' has always fared so well. They have nothing to lose. They promise the man the world. Anything he feels he doesn't get from his wife she will promise to provide. All the fantasy, none of the responsibility.

Of course, it doesn't last. It's fantasy, it can't. But like an oily conservative canvassing for votes, the other woman will pledge all sorts of exciting things. A lot of things she can't deliver. The husband/boyfriend can never see the illusion so gets taken in.

Just saying. He's still a toad, but women have great skill.

This is truly awful, I am so sorry you have been betrayed like this. Absolutely applaud your strength and courage in how you are dealing with it.

Do have a free half hour with a divorce lawyer soon to check out the house situation, as you are married it is worth checking that he will not have any rights.

Well done. I have pm'd you too.
The thought of them sniggering behind my back was what tortured me for well over a decade. Short of bf sleeping with one's sister I can't imagine a greater betrayal. Wish mn had been around at the time. You have been given good advice and you are following it. And you have family support.
I still hate them both.

Crikey, you're married?! - I missed that.

SHEESH you are one lucky woman. This would be so different if you had children. Divorce him. Please. Lean on your lovely family, heal, go out and have some fun and find a decent guy. Lucky, lucky, lucky escape.

Someone said above that he must not have a high opinion of you. I absolutely disagree with this line of thought. I think the STBExHusband is a skirt-chaser and I think he has no morals. I think the OP deserves better. I don't think the OP should waste ANY MORE time thinking about this rat or trying to get inside his head and what he thinks/thought of her etc.

Stay away and keep away. You have a bright future ahead of you without them.

Oh OP. You sound amazing. Your world must feel ripped apart. All you knew and trusted shattered. Let your family look after you, and get through one day at a time.

So sorry to read this op, what utter bastards they are, glad to see your getting the locks changed, stay strong and divorce the bastard.
Be kind to yourself.

I don't feel strong , I feel like I'm made of glass at the moment. Ill book myself an appointment with the divorce people ( words gone out my head) . He is a horrible scumbag, I still feel stupid for staying with him, one of their texts between them both was about booking. Holiday together soon and escaping from me . Others made me sick , discussing sex and how she found it exciting in our kitchen . Right now I want to buy a truck load of bleach and blitz the house . So after my bath I'm goin to clean for a few hours .

My brother almost made me laugh he looked me straight in the eye very seriously (6ft something farmers son build) and asked if he could run him over in the tractor ! As satisfying a that would be being bitter at the moment isn't good. I'm angry and it's killing me inside but I shouldn't have let it happen under my nose

This isnt your fault. What they have done has been very cruel! There was no way of you knowing it was happening as they made it that way.
They are awful, awful people. You will grow from this and karma will get those bastards.

It will take time. Give yourself time.

It is not your fault, nor should you have suspected. What has happened to you is rare. It takes two @@@@s to get together to do this. Don't let it destroy your faith in human nature. Thankfully this is rare, as the reactions on this thread should be showing you. Just very, very unlucky.

OP - I sometimes suggest this here but if you DID need therapy (counsellor) then this may help you work through your rage, feelings of being betrayed, your trust gone etc.

what complete and utter C U Next Tuesdays they are!

I know this is little comfort to you but as everyone else says here you'll get through this stronger and happier. thank heaven you found out now and no kids involved.

Big tits and skinny you say? Big fucking deal. This hideous pair are going to find their lives very uncomfortable very soon, when everybody around them learns what they've done.

So glad at least your home is secure, and you have wonderful family to chop his knob off to support you.

Be very kind to yourself x

What a pair of utter twats.

Stay strong it will get better and hold your head high lady.

I would take some smug comfort at the car crash relationship he has just landed himself in - its hard enough with DC's, it's even harder with someone elses especially if you're not used to living with them. Its quite different to being 'favourite uncle' to having the day to day parenting. Of course weekends away are heady and romantic but wait until the daily grind of RL domestic bliss kicks in, the noise, the mess and stress - I have no doubt that will knock the shine off his 'addiction' to her.

Oh OP I know how you feel and can remember so clearly the feelingss you describe. I still ask myself "How could I have NOT known? Am I stupid?!"

But the reason that I - and you - didn't know is because we are the kind of people that woudn't dream of doing something like this and so it wouldn't cross our mind that pople we love would do it. And because people like this make sickeningly good liars.

Youare right. She's welcome to him. At least she knows what she's getting. A duplicitous lying cheat.

Keep going. Heartbreak is the most exquisite sort of pain. But it will pass I promise xxx

Nobody will think you are a mug. Everyone will think they are a pair of lying cheating bastards.

For all the skinny and boobs, she hasn't managed to land herself a man of her own - so she took the one who was married to you, and now she has a cheating scumbag lover and no mates.

The fact that you have no children and that your H has no claim on your home means that you don't ever have to see him again. Glad you are chaging the locks ; i would put his stuff out in black bags and text him to pick it up as you cannot be held responsible if anything is damaged by farm equipment.

Just be aware - when he realises he has lost his home and security he might come crawling back. Don't give in because this sort of shit will treat you like this over and over if he gets chance.

Stay strong, let your family help you.

My mum did the same with my dad's best friend for 3 years. I still remember seeing the pain my dad was in.

I'm glad you're getting real life support. You do sound strong even if you don't feel it....and there's nothing wrong with fantasising about him under your brother's tractor.

Really helps to have warm supportive family close by - genuine decent people you can trust unlike your poor excuse for a husband and amoral best-friend-that-was.

Nothing mug about you OP who sinks to that level of betrayal?

This is not your fault and you are not a mug!

If someone succeeds in cheating on you/betraying you then the only thing you are guilty of is trusting them much more than they deserved.

You sound like a lovely person and you will recover from this given time and it always takes longer than you think. There will be good days and bad days and very gradually you will notice that there will be a lot more good days than bad days.
I admire the way you are dealing with this. Clothes and possessions on the pavement, locks changed and no more contact. The rest of your life may as well start right now.
Good luck

Thanks ladies ! Scrubbing away living room is free from him and photo of me and friend is in the bin where it belongs . Iv just put on the skinny jeans I bought over Christmas that I wasn't allowed to wear as I looked like a "washed up Middle Ages woman trying to pass as a slut" ... My bum is one of the few parts of me that has defied gravity and I love these jeans shows that off ! I'm wearing them smugly , his stuff is in bin bags , not folder screwed up in little balls so she can enjoy ironing them ! I was tempted to put the content of the bin in there too but that would be childish.

Just hold your head up high and think of the wonderful life you will have without them while they end up stuck in an unhappy relationship.

I see you own the house but does he have any assets of his own? If not, be careful - he could get some of your house... Hopefully he will be too embarrassed to try and get hold of it though. Talk to a good solicitor.

And of course you're not a mug, they're horrible. I'm not usually too condemnatory about affairs (never know what's going on in someone's relationship etc.), especially re the Other Person, but she was supposed to be your best friend. That is properly shit.